


honey

by souhaiite



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:15:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 56,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22899376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souhaiite/pseuds/souhaiite
Summary: "Actually, Kyo, it's good you're here, man! ... Die might make a more believable boyfriend, but my mom already knows he's my best friend and my roommate." After a few moments of dramatic pause, Toshiya begins, somewhat slyly with a grin quirking at the corner of his mouth, "She's never met you, though—""No," Kyo interrupts, immediately, without even considering Toshiya's proposal. Rude. "Absolutely fucking not."(or: toshiya tells his mom he's seeing someone new to get her to stop setting him up with others, and pretends to date kyo over the weekend. die's totally fine with this. no, really, it's fine. everything's fine. he's fine.)(spoiler: he's not fine)
Relationships: Die/Kyo (Dir en grey)
Comments: 68
Kudos: 58





	1. die

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is gonna be EXTREMELY DUMB i'm sorry in advance
> 
> warnings for like, alcohol and boys being morons??
> 
>  _it took me by surprise  
>  when all the hunger left your eyes  
> and you never told me why  
> but i'm not finished yet  
> won't you break me open like the sky at the sunrise?_  
> (honey by magic man)

Toshiya bursts into his apartment in a flurry of movement. His mother's words still ring in his ears, heartbeat thudding in his throat. With trembling hands, he pushes the door shut behind him, and lets out a relieved noise as he catches sight of the back of his best friend's head in the living room. He kicks out of his shoes, leaving them in a heap by the door with his backpack and jacket.

"Oh, thank _god_ you're here," Toshiya cries. Die turns to look at him over the back of the couch, his eyes wide. " _Die_ ," he says, as he stomps into the kitchen. He needs beer. He needs _all of the beer._ "Man, you _gotta_ help me... I fucked up. I fucked up so bad." 

"...What did you do now?" Die asks warily.

Toshiya wrenches the fridge door open and grabs a beer. On second thought, he grabs another for Die. In his experience, a little social lubricant can go a long way, especially when he's about to ask for a favour. Die is a good and generous friend, but this is a big ask, even for him. 

"My mom is coming to visit us this weekend," Toshiya continues after a moment, face screwed up in a grimace as he kicks the fridge door shut. "She said she has someone new for me to meet — you _know_ what happened with that last girl, she bit my dick!" He sets one of the bottles down on the counter and pops the cap off the other by bracing it up against the edge of the counter, and opens the other bottle the same way. 

Toshiya moves towards Die, mentally and physically preparing himself to beg. "I've had enough! So... I told her that I'm seeing someone!" He holds the beer out towards Die and resists the urge to fidget, drinking from his own bottle to try and calm his nerves. Die probably won't tell him _no_ , but... Toshiya had thought that about Shinya, too, and Shinya didn't even bother answering.

Well. To be fair, he had expected a refusal from Shinya. He _hadn't_ expected Shinya to _block him on Instagram_ , though! Rude! After Toshiya made sure to like and comment on everything Shinya posted to be a good friend and everything! 

"...But..." Die says slowly, reaching out to take the beer Toshiya held out for him, his fingers curling around the slick glass and frowning. "You're not seeing anyone?"

Nodding emphatically, Toshiya says, "But I'm not seeing anyone! And now my mom is coming to meet this person, and I just—" He takes another swig of beer and groans, scrubbing the back of his hand over his mouth. Now or never. "So, I panicked and I need your help, man. Please. I just need you to pretend to be my boyfriend over the long weekend and maybe my mom will get _off my back_ for a while—"

Die's frown melts into an expression of deep confusion, his brow furrowed and the corner of his mouth lifting into what could pass as a grimace or a smile depending on what angle you look at him from. It's kind of cute, and an expression that Toshiya sees often. "What?" 

"Yeah," comes another voice from the level of Die's lap, and Kyo's head pops up over the back of the couch to glower at Toshiya. He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. " _What?_ " 

Toshiya stumbles back in surprise, hand lifting towards his chest. "Ew, gross, Die!" he cries, raising his hand to cover his eyes but peering between his fingers at them. "Kyo wasn't sucking you off, was he?" This is a _communal space_. They have _rules_. 

"What?" Die yelps. "No!" He shifts away from Kyo on the couch and draws his knees up to his chest with a breath hissed out between his teeth. "I would _never—_ we have rules! He was just napping on me!" 

"I was just napping on him," Kyo echoes with a nod. He crosses his arms over the back of the couch, resting his chin on his forearms and staring into middle distance somewhere between Die and Toshiya as he plays with one his lip piercings with the tip of his tongue. "...Thought about sucking you off, though." His gaze snaps over to Die. 

Die's head whips towards Kyo, his mouth hanging open. "I— did you?" Die asks. His voice pitches into a squeaking laugh as Kyo wiggles his eyebrows at him, "Stop it, you nerd— when?" 

Kyo tips his head to the side, grinning at Die. "Just now when I woke up," he says. "Even after you dropped a book on my head. What does that say about me, huh?" 

_What the fuck_ , Toshiya thinks, as Die squirms and blushes and ducks his head. _What the actual— well, wait a second, now..._ Die mumbles out some sort of apology, and Kyo's eyes soften somewhat as he looks over at Die, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. None of this matters. None of this _matters_ , because Toshiya? Toshiya has had a _thought_.

He lets out an impatient noise, cutting through Die's words, waving his arm through the air. "Hey!" he snaps. "I'm still having a crisis here!" As soon as he has Die and Kyo's undivided attention once more, he sighs heavily and takes another deep drink of beer. He points the mouth of the bottle at Kyo. 

" _Actually_. Actually, Kyo, it's good you're here, man!" He nods to himself, the pieces of the puzzle slotting together, the solution to this predicament right here in front of him. 

Toshiya points at Kyo again, wiggling the bottle so the beer sloshes around. "Die might make a more believable boyfriend, but my mom already knows he's my best friend _and_ my roommate. She might start asking uncomfortable questions about why we didn't just _tell her_ we're dating..." 

He purses his lips and shakes his head, not even wanting to contemplate what horrifying, scarring things his mother might ask. 

After a few moments of dramatic pause, Toshiya begins, somewhat slyly with a grin quirking at the corner of his mouth, "She's never met _you_ , though—" 

"No," Kyo interrupts, immediately, without even _considering_ Toshiya's proposal. Rude. "Absolutely fucking not." 

_Rude_.

*

"This is _absurd_." 

"I know," Die says.

Kyo waves his hand towards the screen. "This is _disgusting_." He tucks his hand back underneath his chin, adjusting his head on Die's thigh. 

"I _know_ ," Die says, biting back a grin.

"I hate it," Kyo says.

Die covers his mouth with his hand, letting the smile stretch out across his face for a fraction of a second before he manages to school his expression back into neutral. "I know," he says. "Isn't it perfect?" 

"It _is_ ," Kyo says, turning his head to look up at Die, and Die feels the corner of his mouth quirk against his will. "How did you even—?" 

"I have my ways," Die says, shrugging and leaning back against the cushions behind him, still smiling. "A friend of a friend worked on the film and recommended it to me. As soon as I read the synopsis I knew you'd be into it." 

Kyo's hand drops down onto Die's thigh. "You're the best," he says, turning his attention back to the screen.

Warmth prickles in Die's cheeks and he ducks his head, letting his hair fall into his face. "Thanks," he says. "Glad you finally noticed." 

Kyo just chuckles in response, adjusting his position curled up on his side, nails digging into the inner seam of Die's jeans for a moment before he settles. Die, for his part, doesn't move his legs again for the remaining seventy minutes of the movie. Kyo falls asleep before the thrilling and gory conclusion, his face going slack and relaxed, his cheek squished against Die's thigh. 

Die falters leaning forward to turn off the television and gets distracted staring down at Kyo, letting the credits roll on without them. This is not the first time he's seen Kyo asleep, not by a long shot, but it is the first time he's fallen asleep in Die's lap. Something about it has his breath catching in his throat.

Shaking his head, Die lifts his head and casts his gaze around the living room for something within reach to occupy himself with, without disturbing Kyo. After a moment, he spots one of his textbooks on a nearby end table. His shoulders slump. _Ugh, seriously? Just my luck..._ He searches around again, desperate for something else, _anything_ else — but his phone is still in his bag on a chair in the kitchen, his laptop is in his room and the television remote on the kotatsu well out of his current range of movement.

Die resigns himself to his fate, leaning over to the side. His fingertips graze the edge of the spine and he devotes a deeply ridiculous amount of time gingerly nudging the book towards himself until he can get a proper grip on it while restricting the movement of his lower body as much as humanly possible. Sighing, he spends the next hour at least catching up on the reading for his next class for, perhaps, the first time in the entire semester. 

Every few pages he finds himself staring past the book at Kyo's profile. He looks so soft and peaceful as he sleeps, his lips pursed in a slight pout with how his cheek is squished up against Die's thigh. He seems so comfortable, his hand curled over Die's knee beside his head. 

Kyo shifts, smacking his lips and grumbling under his breath. Die freezes, but Kyo settles again, his breathing slowing and evening out into a gentle snore once more. A strand of Kyo's bleached hair falls across his forehead into his eyes and his brow furrows. Die's fingers twitch with a weird, half-baked desire to brush his fingers through Kyo's hair and smooth it back. 

While he's still battling with himself, the door slams open. Die startles so badly he drops his textbook into his lap, the front cover smacking the top of Kyo's head. Kyo stirs, cursing groggily, and Die brushes that piece of hair back from Kyo's forehead and pats him in apology. 

"Oh, thank _god_ you're here," comes Toshiya's voice, and Die looks back over the couch at him. "Die, man, you _gotta_ help me... I fucked up. I fucked up so bad." 

Die's gut sinks, and he shoves his textbook off his lap, turning a little to face Toshiya as he stomps into the kitchen. "What'd you do now?" he asks. 

Kyo grumbles, still-half asleep as he shifts on the couch, readjusting to Die's new position. He cuddles up against Die's leg, hugging Die's thigh to his chest, eyes half-slitted open. Die pats Kyo's hair again. 

"My mom is coming to visit us this weekend," Toshiya says, pulling a pair of beers from the fridge and kicking the door shut with his foot. "She said she has someone new for me to meet— you _know_ what happened with the last girl, she bit my dick!" He sets one of the bottles down and braces the metal cap of the other against the edge of the counter popping it off and repeating the process with the second before coming closer. "I've had enough! So I told her I'm seeing someone!" 

"But... You're not seeing anyone," Die says, reaching out to take one of the beers Toshiya hands out to him.

Toshiya nods. "But I'm not seeing anyone! And now my mom is coming to meet this person, and I just—" He takes a swig of his beer and groans, scrubbing the back of his hand across his mouth. "So, I panicked and I need your help, man. Please. I just need you to pretend to be my boyfriend over the long weekend and maybe my mom will get _off my back_ for a while—" 

"What?" Die asks, lost.

"Yeah, _what?_ " Kyo echoes, sitting up just enough to glower at Toshiya over the back of the couch. He wipes drool off his chin with the back of his hand. 

Toshiya stumbles back a step, looking scandalized. "Ew, gross, Die!" he cries, covering his eyes with his free hand but peeking between his fingers at them, "Kyo wasn't sucking you off, was he?" 

"What? No!" Die yelps at once, edging away from Kyo and drawing both knees up to his chest and wincing at the pins and needles feeling as blood rushes back into his legs. "I would _never—_ we have rules! He was just napping on me!" 

Kyo nods. "I was just napping on him," he confirms, crossing his arms over the back of the couch and resting his chin on his forearms. He plays with one of his lip piercings with his tongue, sucking on it. "...Thought about sucking you off, though." 

"I— did you?" Die asks, turning his head to look at him, and his voice hitches into an amused squeak of laughter as Kyo wiggles his eyebrows at him. "Stop it, you nerd— when?" 

"Just now when I woke up," Kyo replies, tipping his head to the side and grinning over at Die. "Even _after_ you dropped a book on my head. What does that say about me, huh?" 

Die squirms, warmth prickling in his cheeks, and he ducks his head to hide behind the fall of his hair. "I'm so sorry about that! Toshiya coming home startled me, and I'll be honest, I didn't want to study anymore anyway—" 

Toshiya makes an impatient noise, waving his arm. "Hey! I'm still having a crisis here!" when Die and Kyo look over at him again, Toshiya sighs. He takes another swig from his beer bottle and then points it at Kyo. " _Actually_. Actually, Kyo, it's good you're here, man!" He nods to himself and points at Kyo more emphatically. "Die might make a more believable boyfriend, but my mom knows he's my best friend _and_ my roommate. She might start asking uncomfortable questions about why we didn't just _tell her_ we were dating..." Toshiya purses his lips as if considering what his mother might ask, and shakes his head. 

After a moment, a smile creeps across Toshiya's face. "She's never met _you_ though—" 

"No," Kyo says flatly. "Absolutely fucking not." 

"Why not?" Toshiya asks, clapping both hands together around the neck of the beer bottle and turning his most effective puppy dog eyes on Kyo. Even though he's not under direct exposure of that expression, Die forgets himself for a moment and needs to swallow back the urge to offer Toshiya money, food, beer, and/or blowjobs. It's like a _compulsion_.

Kyo keeps on scowling, utterly unmoved. Die stares at him in mute disbelief. _How?_ Is he immune to Toshiya's charm? Is that even _possible?_

"No," Kyo repeats. "Fuck off. You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out of it." 

"Kyo!" Toshiya whines, stomping around the couch to toss himself down onto the floor beside the kotatsu and draping himself across it dramatically. "Come on, please?" 

"What's in it for me?" Kyo asks, having tracked Toshiya as he walked around the couch and now he sits facing him with his elbows braced on his spread knees. "And don't you dare say something sappy and stupid about the true meaning of love and friendship, because I _will_ punch you. Why should I help you?" 

Die stares between them, frowning. "Why not though?" he asks. "I mean... It's not a big deal, right?" He ducks his head and picks at the label on his beer bottle, wedging his nails underneath the edge of the plastic sticker. "It's just for a few days, and maybe Toshiya's mom will give it a rest for a while if she thinks he's actually with you." 

"Because it's _stupid_ , that's why," Kyo says. "Who the fuck — who the fuck would be batshit enough to pretend to be in a relationship with someone just to get their mom off their back?" He leans forward, squinting at Toshiya. "It's weird that she's so invested in your sex life. Can't you just tell her to stop trying to hook you up with people?" 

Toshiya groans, "Don't you think I've already tried that? Of course, I've tried that. She just doesn't _listen_. Kyo, it's been _months_ of this shit." He tips his head to the side, his cheek squished up against his forearm. "I'm so tired." His voice comes out slightly muffled, and that, paired with the pleading puppy dog eyes and sulk, is a _killer_. "Back me up here, Die, you know how awful it's been." 

Kyo's scowl deepens. 

Okay, maybe only a killer for _Die_ , then.

Die shifts on the couch, drinking the last of his beer and setting the empty bottle aside on the side table. He lowers his leg down, toes skimming across the cover his textbook, and he kicks it back under the couch. Out of sight, out of mind where it belongs. 

"Toshiya's mom has a knack for setting him up with _the worst_ people," Die says, shrugging when Kyo looks over at him. "It's kind of incredible how bad she is at match-making. And this is _Toshiya_ , we're talking about," he continues, motioning towards his best friend with a sweeping, all-encompassing gesture. "He who has chemistry with _everything_ so long as it has a pulse."

"And without," Toshiya mumbles into his forearm. He's still pouting. 

"And this would... This would really get her to leave you alone for a while?" Kyo asks, and Die can _hear_ his resolve starting to crumble. Toshiya nods without lifting his head. Die shrugs when Kyo looks over at him. 

Kyo sighs. "Fuck it. Fine." He rubs at the nape of his neck with an air of defeat. "I'll do it, but on one condition." He leans forward again, sliding off the edge of the couch to poke Toshiya's cheek. "If I have to put up with your bullshit all weekend, you _will_ help me pay for the tattoo I want on my back. It's going to be expensive." Toshiya grumbles and bats at Kyo's hand and Kyo laughs, pushing himself back up onto the couch. 

The tattoo... "Oh, shit!" Die exclaims, leaning over as Kyo settles beside him and bumping their shoulders together. Kyo's been talking about his tattoo plans for as long as they've known each other; over a year, at least. "Did you and your artist finally settle on the design? Do you have it? Can I see?" 

Nodding, Kyo pulls his phone out of his back pocket and flips through his saved images, several of which are: random dogs he passed on the street; aesthetic nature shots; cute mascots with strange filters on them to give them an unsettling and often sinister appearance; and, unexpectedly, quite a few candid photos of Die scattered throughout, both dressed and undressed. 

_Oh._ Die's cheeks flood with warmth and he presses his face against Kyo's shoulder, hoping he won't notice. There's so _many_ — he doesn't remember Kyo taking even half of them.

"Here," Kyo says, at last, stopping on an elaborate and massive drawing on a piece of paper, sketched out in black with delicate and intricate details picked out in shades of yellow, blue, green, and red. "This was what we decided on. Sick, right?" 

"Sick," Die agrees, leaning forward and pinching at the screen of Kyo's phone to get a closer look. His mouth falls open in awed appreciation. "This is _incredible_ , Kyo— over your whole back?" 

Kyo shrugs, Die's head rising and falling with the movement. "That's the plan," he says.

Die catches his lip between his teeth, glancing over at Kyo. He half-wishes Toshiya would go out again so Die could push Kyo down onto his front, wrench his shirt up, and start mapping those tattoos out with his mouth. " _Sick_ ," he says again, faintly.

Toshiya rolls his eyes, getting up from the floor to get another pair of beers from the kitchen. Kyo looks extremely pleased with himself. Die swallows, wetting his lips with a swipe of his tongue, and settles back against the cushions.

" _I_ think we should plan out what we're going to do," Toshiya says, dropping down onto the thin sliver of the couch between Die and Kyo, all knees and elbows forcing them both apart to make more room. He passes over one of the beers to Die and gives Kyo a glass of water. "Like, with the details of our relationship and everything. Get everything straight so it's believable."

"Well, we can just say we met because of Die," Kyo says, which is true. 

Die recalls hearing somewhere that all the best lies have some element of truth at their heart. Maybe they're on the right track there. He shifts a little, drawing his knee up towards his chest and tapping his beer bottle against it. Of course, Kyo and Toshiya first met because Toshiya came barging into Die's bedroom without knocking while he and Kyo were fooling around, but... Toshiya's mom doesn't need to know that.

Toshiya taps his fingers along his bottle, humming under his breath. "We haven't been dating for long," he suggests, which is also technically true, it's only been a few minutes of pretending. Die approves. "But we really like each other."

"Oh, yeah," Kyo says flatly. "So much. I've never felt this way before. I really— I really think you're the one."

"Fuck you," Toshiya says, laughing.

"In your dreams," Kyo replies.

They continue on from there, trading details about each other, spanning from little things like their favourite colours, foods, and bands, to bigger things, like stances on political matters and even personal philosophies. Things they _would_ know about each other if they were dating. Every so often, both Kyo and Toshiya bring Die up as an example and _his_ favourites, and Die isn't sure how he's supposed to feel about that. 

"Like Die," Kyo says. "He's afraid of—" 

"Pigeons," Toshiya says with a nod, 

at the exact same time Kyo concludes with, "Frogs." 

They share an expression of confusion for a moment before splitting into near-identical, gleeful grins.

"Tell me—" Toshiya begins, 

"— _Everything_ ," Kyo finishes.

Die gapes at them both. "Actually, maybe don't?" he suggests. "Maybe you should keep embarrassing, deeply mortifying stories about me to yourselves and forget they ever happened? Like normal people? I trusted you— I shared those moments with you _in confidence_ —" 

"You were drunk," Kyo says.

"That's not the point!" Die flails, nearly spilling his beer on the couch and clutching the bottle to his chest with both hands.

Toshiya leans back against Die's shoulder with a laugh, nudging him in the ribs with his elbow. "Mine happened a couple of years ago. Die got shat on by a pigeon on his first day of class," he says, tipping his head to grin over at Die. "First day, _first_ day, and he came racing back to our dorm to wash his hair and change his shirt, swearing pigeons were his mortal enemy now." Toshiya presses a fist to his chest and closes his eyes. "I helped him clean up and didn't even laugh." 

"You laughed at me the entire fucking time and called me 'pigeon shit-kun' for a _week_ ," Die says, shoving Toshiya away from him. "So often and so loudly that the other guys who lived on our floor started calling me that, too. For the _entire semester_. Asshole." 

Kyo leans forward so he can meet Die's gaze, grinning. "You know," he says, "apparently that's good luck." Die scowls at him and Kyo snickers, reaching over Toshiya's lap to squeeze Die's knee.

"Pigeons can _all die_ as far as I'm concerned," Die says, leaning forward to set his beer down on the kotatsu crossing his arms over his chest. Toshiya cracks up, trembling against Die's side. "Symbol of peace my _ass_." Kyo's hand slides a bit higher up on Die's thigh, nails digging into the inner seam of Die's jeans, and Die's scowl deepens.

"Tell me about the frogs," Toshiya says, bumping Kyo's knee with his. "I need this in my life. Is this story like the time he walked straight into a telephone pole last weekend because he was trying to take his pants off? Because that was _incredible_." 

"Kind of," Kyo says, laughing. "A few months ago we were walking back through an alley after some dumb party he made me go to," he says, "and I was further ahead than Die, almost to the end... All of a sudden I hear this panicked shriek and footsteps, and turn around to see Die racing straight for me, saying he heard a ghost or some shit." 

" _Kyo_..." Die whines, covering his face with his hands. 

Kyo pauses to snigger, squeezing Die's thigh. "Of course I wanted to meet a ghost, so I grabbed my phone and headed over to where he'd been to check it out, and it was just this tiny, little frog. He got scared of a frog." 

"How fucking precious," Toshiya coos, beaming.

"To be fair to myself, it was very dark, I was very drunk, and that fucking frog sounded like a demon," Die says, muffled into his palms as he attempts to smother himself. "Also, I hate both of you." 

From there, Toshiya and Kyo move to sit on the floor on the other side of the kotatsu. They both wince as Toshiya takes Kyo's hand, lacing their fingers together and gripping tight. Kyo grimaces, leaning away.

"Yeah, that makes it really obvious you guys like each other," Die snorts, flopping over onto his side and hugging one of the couch cushions to his chest. "Try to put _some_ effort in." 

The corners of Kyo's mouth twitch. "I don't like holding hands," he says.

"You and I both know _that's_ a lie," Die says, and he chucks the cushion at Kyo's head. Kyo dodges out of the way, bumping into Toshiya's side, and he flips Die off with his free hand. Die returns the gesture, grinning. "You held my hand last Saturday on our way home after that party, did you forget?" 

" _That_ ," Kyo says, "was because you were wasted and kept running into telephone poles and tried to take your clothes off the entire time." 

"Wait, did I?" Die asks, looking over at Toshiya for confirmation, and burrowing a bit deeper into the couch in mild embarrassment at Toshiya's nod. "Well," he tries to rally himself, "maybe I was hot or something, it's almost summer, you know," he says, flapping a hand and grinning bashfully as Toshiya cracks up, bumping against Kyo's shoulder. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. Channel that same energy right now, you definitely don't pass as a couple." 

Kyo's head drops back and he groans loudly up at the ceiling. After a moment, he straightens back up, squares his shoulders, and turns towards Toshiya with a sweet, soft smile. "Better?" he asks.

"Much," Toshiya says, smiling back. He strokes his thumb across the side of Kyo's hand. "How do we look now, Judge Die?" 

" _Judge_ ," Die snickers, reaching out to swipe Toshiya's half-empty bottle of beer from the side table and finishing it off. "It's better. You're still both so _awkward_ , which is so weird because you're two of the most sensual fuckers I know." He swipes his hand across his mouth, tipping his head back on the couch cushion, eyes narrowed as he watches them. "Loosen up a bit. _Laugh_ , you know? Maybe try acting like you _like_ each other, at least. You're pretending to be in love, remember?" 

Kyo frowns over at Die, but he shifts closer to Toshiya, reaching up with his free hand to nudge Toshiya's chin towards him. He shifts up onto his knees and leans in closer, and both of them laugh as their noses bump against each other. "This is stupid," he mutters. " _You're_ stupid." 

"No, _you're_ stupid," Toshiya says, nuzzling the tip of his nose against Kyo's. Die gags. Toshiya flips him off without looking, then tips his head, and gives Kyo the most ridiculous, overblown, exaggerated kiss that Die has ever seen outside of a romantic comedy. 

Die applauds, giving them a thumbs up as the performance comes to an end when they both turn, almost in unison, to check on his reaction. "You're _both_ stupid," Die says and laughs. "Nobody would believe that that was real, but it's the best you've done so far. Next!" 

The kisses vary in length, depth, and hilarity. After each, either Kyo or Toshiya will turn towards Die and ask for a verdict or offer him a bow, depending on whether it was a serious or a silly kiss. Die keeps laughing and giving them so many arbitrary numbered rankings that he loses track of what criteria he's even using to judge them anymore...

But there's a weird feeling he has, a buzzing deep in his abdomen. It's almost like when he ate bad streetfood with Toshiya when they got super drunk after finishing their finals last semester and got food poisoning that knocked them out for almost two full days. It's the only feeling he can compare it to, twisting down low in his guts. He doesn't like it.

Die gets up to go order in something for dinner while Toshiya and Kyo continue practicing without him. He glances up over the menu he's got open on the counter to see Kyo dipping Toshiya and kissing him soundly while Toshiya muffles borderline hysterical laughter into Kyo's mouth. Shaking his head, Die huffs a quiet laugh and calls in an order for enough food to cover everyone.

He drops down on the couch between Kyo and Toshiya when the delivery arrives, leaning his head on Kyo's shoulder and slinging a leg across Toshiya's lap. Something in him settles. He still has that weird buzzing feeling, but he can ignore it for now.

At least, he can ignore it up until Kyo and Toshiya go off to keep practicing on their own without his input. They stay in the kitchen after cleaning up the dishes and putting the food away, and Kyo tugs on Toshiya's shirt and stands up on tip-toe to press their mouths back together. It's less awkward, they seem much more comfortable with each other now that they've gotten some of the knee-jerk bizarreness of the situation out of their way. 

They still pull faces and make each other laugh, but they're holding hands. They're holding hands and their faces are very close together as they look into each other's eyes and smile. Toshiya ducks down and kisses Kyo again, backing him up against the counter, and all at once...

All at once it hits Die that _this is going to happen_. He's going to have to deal with an entire four _days_ of this, somehow, of watching his best friend and his friend — with benefits — pretend to date right in front of his face. Kyo was right, this is a stupid idea of colossal proportions.

Die scowls, dropping over onto the couch so he doesn't have to keep watching them, even though he can still hear them talking and laughing and the wet sounds of their lips moving against each other from only a few feet away. He feels weirdly... Left out now. It's stupid. It's _so_ stupid. He doesn't need constant attention! He's a twenty-two-year-old grown-ass man, not a toddler! 

His scowl deepens when he glances back over his shoulder at them. There's a sort of... Unexpected softness to Kyo when he kisses Toshiya. Die realizes with a start that he's only ever seen Kyo kiss someone else a handful of times — less, maybe only ever once or twice — before they started fooling around.

Is that what he looks like when he kisses Die? Fuck, does he even _like_ kissing Die? God, and what if he likes kissing Toshiya better? Die said it himself, Toshiya has chemistry with _everyone_ , and... What if he likes holding Toshiya's hand? What if he wants to hold Toshiya's hand even when Toshiya's not being stupid just to try and get him to laugh? 

Well, why wouldn't he want to? Toshiya's great! They're both great, and sexy, and would get along so much better together. What was Die thinking, as if he ever had a chance with Kyo? 

Die hugs a cushion and rests his chin on it, peering over at them as Kyo lifts himself onto the kitchen counter and lets Toshiya lean in and kiss him again. They look _so hot_ together, especially when Kyo suddenly deepens the kiss. He grabs Toshiya by the nape of the neck and licks deeper into his mouth. Die can _see_ his tongue moving and working under his jaw and in his throat, and fuck. 

_Fuck_. He knows intimately how good that feels, from kissing both of them over the past few years. 

He doesn't know what to do. _God_ , Die flinches away when he hears Kyo moan. What is he supposed to do? 

Nothing. He's not supposed to do anything but sit here and try not to watch or think about it. That's all.

Toshiya groans, dragging Die's attention back over to them. He grips at Kyo's thighs splayed wide around his hips before wrenching himself away. He stumbles back a step, swiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. "The fuck was that?" Die hears him say, breathless.

"Practice," Kyo says, shrugging. He sounds almost _bored_. "You never know, we might need to get carried away. Don't pull back like that again unless you want people to know something's up." He slides off the counter. 

Die turns away quickly, looking over at the television screen, instead. His face feels hot. Toshiya left some dumb variety show on while they'd been eating dinner, and now it's playing the news. He stares at the screen without comprehension, frowning.

Kyo drops down on the couch by Die's feet where Die's curled in on himself. He doesn't touch Die, and Die isn't sure if he's grateful for that or not. Toshiya waves and disappears into his bedroom, leaving the door open.

The silence stretches out into an awkward infinity. Die stares at the television screen without blinking even as his mind lovingly replays Kyo and Toshiya making out on the counter for him over and over again in minute detail. His guts churn. The buzzing is the worst it's been all night, and he can't seem to swallow past the lump in his throat. 

So _what_ if this leads to Toshiya and Kyo getting together? God, what is wrong with him? It's not like he ever had a chance with either of them, anyway. 

After a while, Kyo nudges Die's calf with his elbow and Die startles. "It's getting late," Kyo says. "Can I stay the night?" 

Heart pounding in his throat, Die closes his eyes, turning his face towards the cushion. "Yeah," he says finally. He sounds so _normal_. "Yeah, sure." 

"Cool," Kyo replies, and he flops over sideways, using Die's thigh as a pillow again. He huffs, "You're so _bony_." 

"You don't seem to mind it any other time," Die says, blinking his eyes open and scowling over at the top of Kyo's head.

"I don't mind it now either," Kyo says, rocking his head from side to side on Die's thigh, rolling up towards his ass. "Just making an observation. You're bony. I like your bony little ass. It's cute." 

Die laughs, somewhat startled the warmth spiraling along the back of his spine up to the top of his head and down to the tips of his toes. "Thanks, I guess? You're so weird," he says, hugging the cushion in his arms a little tighter. "Get off, then, if you're staying. I want to go to bed." 

"Okay," Kyo says easily, rolling off of Die's thigh and getting to his feet as Die sits up. He bends forward, cupping Die's cheek in his hand, and kisses him. Die makes a soft, helpless noise as Kyo's tongue rubs against his, and he feels Kyo smirk against his mouth.

"I'm tired," Die says when Kyo pulls away to let him stand. "If you're just staying because you're hoping to get off—" _Toshiya's room is right over there. Good luck seeing if_ he'd _let you do all the nasty stuff you do with me—_

Kyo shakes his head. "Nah, it's late," he says, looking up and meeting Die's eyes. "I just want to sleep — Toshiya said he wants me to come with him to go pick his mom up from the train station in the morning. I have to go home to pack some clothes for the weekend, but I already missed the last bus and I don't want to call a cab. Plus, I like your bed. It's got you in it. It makes sense to just stay the night and make a quick stop at home in the morning." 

"Oh," Die says. His gut gives an unpleasant clench, the buzzing more like a nest of angry hornets now. "Right. Of course." 

They all take turns in the bathroom, getting ready for bed. Die loses three rounds of Janken in a row and has to go last, but he doesn't mind. He calls good night to Toshiya, smiling as he gets an enthusiastic, "Sweet dreams!" in response. 

Kyo's sitting on his side of the bed already, stripped down to just his boxers and half-under the covers. He's looking at something with his phone in his lap, hunched over it. He doesn't look up as Die closes the door, and Die sighs, starting to strip out of his clothes. 

He leaves his pants and shirt on the floor to deal with in the morning; his laundry basket is overflowing. It's almost good Toshiya's mother is coming tomorrow, it'll give him that push he needs to do the chores he's been neglecting and clean up a little. He's almost out of clean socks and underwear. He plucks up a loose t-shirt from the floor that smells decent enough to sleep in for the night and pulls it on over his head, ruffling a hand through his hair. Kyo's not even looking at him.

Die drops down onto the mattress and stares at the shadowy sliver of wall between his bookshelf and his dresser. How the fuck has Kyo stayed over enough times to have his own _side_ of Die's bed? Why the fuck does Die still save a space for Kyo even when he's not _there?_

He pushes those thoughts away, punching his pillow into a more comfortable shape and tugging the blanket up over his shoulder. "Good night," he says. "Want me to leave the lamp on?" 

"No," Kyo says, and there's a clatter as he drops his phone onto the desk next to Die's bed. "No, just submitting a dumb paper before I missed the deadline. I'm done now." 

Even as the room plunges into semi-darkness, the streetlights and neon lights shining in through the window offer more than enough light for anyone to see if they chose to. Whatever. Die sighs, breathes out, and tries to relax.

Kyo shifts over on the mattress, molding himself to Die's back, so close they're almost sharing the same pillow. His arm loops over Die's waist, hand resting on his chest, one knee hooking over Die's thighs. Just like always, whenever he spends the night. Die didn't fully realize how off-kilter this whole evening had made him until this moment, with this one, tiny piece of normalcy knocking him back on balance. Die breathes out again, tucking a smile into the pillow.

"Used your toothbrush," Kyo whispers, which is another tiny sliver of ordinariness that Die cherishes. He almost _always_ uses Die's toothbrush on nights he stays over, and he _always_ tells Die about it afterward.

It grosses Die out every time, but, "At least I know where your mouth has been for the past few hours, so it's not that bad." He sighs, hiding another grin into his pillow as Kyo snickers. Die freezes as a sudden thought occurs to him, and Kyo makes a sleepy, inquisitive noise against the nape of Die's neck. 

"Fuck," Die says. " _Fuck_ , Kyo, you need to get your own toothbrush. What if Toshiya's mom notices you don't have one here?" 

Kyo's arm tightens around Die's waist. "I... I guess I can bring my own from home when I pack my bag," he says after a moment. "Probably should bring the one I got from my last dentist's appointment or something and just leave it here from now on. Probably should've done that a long time ago, I guess." 

Die's gut sinks. "I guess," he says. It's so gross. It's _so_ gross, but it's been... It's a habit now, their gross little _thing_. The buzzing gets worse, and he buries his face in his pillow. "Good night," he mutters.

"Yeah," Kyo says, his voice very soft, his lips grazing Die's neck. "Good night, Die." 

In the morning, Die wakes to the sun streaming through the window, and Kyo kissing him. Die makes a soft, curious noise and keeps his eyes shut tight against the light, reaching out to curl his arms around Kyo's neck and pull him closer. Kyo laughs, low and breathy, rolling Die over onto his side and pressing right up against him. They make out a little, slow and lazy, and Kyo slides his hand down to grope at Die's ass.

"Morning," Kyo says, nipping at Die's lower lip and tugging it between his teeth before letting him go. Die whines, chasing after him for another kiss, but Kyo just laughs, moving even further out of reach. "I'm going to get something for breakfast because Toshiya won't shut up about it— you want anything specific?" 

Die takes a moment to consider this, humming. His fingers curl in the ends of Kyo's hair, and then he shrugs. Their tastes are similar enough. "Whatever you're getting. Nothing fishy... You know what I like. Coffee in an IV drip." He squints his eyes open at last, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth when he sees Kyo hovering over him, his hair a mess from sleep and Die's hands in it, his eyes bright and amused behind his glasses. "You look like a nerd," Die says, and he ruffles up Kyo's hair even more.

Kyo ducks back out of Die's hold, an easy grin stretching across his face. "I'll be back in a bit," he says, and he gets to his feet. His hip bumps into the dresser and he leans against it, one hand braced on its surface. "Just need to stop at my place on the way back. Toshiya wanted to know if you're gonna come with us to the train station to pick up his mom." 

"No." Die blinks at the sudden rush of cool air in Kyo's absence, and he huddles back into the curl of his blanket. "It'd be weird if I just—" He shakes his head. "I don't want to be there when you're—" His voice wobbles and he clears his throat. He tugs the blanket up to cover his face except for his eyes, peering at Kyo over it. "No," he says again, a little higher. "Someone has to clean up around here, and I have to work this afternoon, anyway." 

"Okay," Kyo says, watching Die carefully. His fingertips trace one of the corner edges of the dresser, over and over again. "You don't have to." 

Breakfast is a subdued affair. Die sprawls up against the arm of the couch with one knee drawn up to his chest. He finally managed to stumble from his bed, dressed in a loose pair of sweatpants and t-shirt that he suspects may have once belonged to Kaoru, but was somehow discovered buried at the bottom of his dresser drawer.

Kyo sits close enough for his elbow to graze Die's leg as he eats his breakfast, a conbini katsudon bento. Toshiya sits at the opposite end of the couch, reading something on his phone between sips of tea, his breakfast already finished. Die cradles a massive cup of coffee in his hands, breathing in the steam despite the late spring heat already beating down through their windows. 

"Hey," Toshiya breaks the silence, at last, nudging Kyo's knee with his toes. "Would you be willing to take out some of your piercings so you look a little more... Respectable?" 

"No," Kyo says at once. "Fuck you, and _fuck_ the idea that—" 

He ramps himself up into a passionate rant about society and respectability and politics and capitalism all stifling creativity and identity and the freedom of self-expression and goes on about _sheep_ for so long that Toshiya looks like he rather regrets saying anything at all. Die drinks his coffee, hiding an amused smirk behind his cup. 

"—But I'll do it," Kyo finishes, catching both Die and Toshiya by surprise. He passes off his bento and chopsticks to Die and takes out all three of his lip rings and the barbell through his eyebrow. "I'm leaving my nose ring in," he says. "And if your mom is offended by ear piercings, she can suck my dick. The cartilage ones are a bitch and a half to put back in. No." 

Kyo looks so different — Die's never seen him without his piercings. He looks so much _younger_ somehow. It might just be the shock of seeing Kyo for the first time without a face full of metal, but Die isn't sure if he likes the change. 

"If any of these close up over the weekend," Kyo says to Toshiya, "you're gonna pay to have them re-pierced." 

Toshiya holds up his hand, grinning. "That's fair," he says. "Aw, you look so cute. Like a baby. Isn't he adorable, Die?" 

"Fuck off," Kyo replies. He turns toward Die and exchanges his discarded jewelry for the remainder of his breakfast. "Keep these safe for me until this is over, okay?" he asks. 

Die looks down at the delicate pieces of steel. They're still warm from Kyo's skin. "Yeah," he says. "I'll guard them with my life, or something." He looks up just in time to catch the edge of Kyo's grin as he turns his face away. "And yeah," he says to Toshiya with a little laugh. "Yeah, he's cute — but he's always been cute." 

Toshiya pretends to gag, draining the last of his tea before getting up and heading into the kitchen. Kyo pulls a face at Die, following after Toshiya to finish off his breakfast. Die curls his fingers around the jewelry, sagging against the arm of the couch and staring up at the ceiling with a sigh. 

When Toshiya and Kyo leave to go pick up Toshiya's mom from the train station, Die gets to work on doing laundry, cleaning up his room, and straightening up the apartment. He even vacuums, something that happens once in a blue moon in his and Toshiya's apartment. That done, he trades the sheets on his bed for fresh ones from the closet in preparation for letting Toshiya's mom sleep in his room. 

Die sets Kyo's jewelry down on his dresser for safe-keeping. He perches on the edge of his bed, looking around. What now? Die grabs his phone from the charger on his bedside table and pulls open a chat with Shinya and Kaoru, filling them in on everything that's happened. 

  
  


**Shinya:** Yes, I blocked him when he asked me.  
**Die:** wish i could've gotten away with that   
**Die:** bit hard to block him when i live with him u kno   
**Kaoru:** wait, toshiya didn't even ask me   
**Shinya:** You would have said no too though, wouldn't you?  
**Kaoru:** yeah, but now i feel left out   
**Die:** icb kyo agreed to it   
**Die:** icb i helped talk him into it   
**Die:** i can't wait for this weekend to be over   
**Kaoru:** good luck   
**Shinya:** Yes, don't die!   
**Die:** i feel like u aren't taking this seriously   
**Kaoru:** do we ever?   
**Shinya:** :)  
**Die:** rude. i will remember this 

  
  


Too soon, Toshiya and Kyo return with Toshiya's mother in tow. Die moves forward with a smile to greet her as she calls out his name, but falters for a split second when he catches sight of Kyo and Toshiya holding hands. His stomach feels like it does a fucking backflip and he hastily schools his expression into a pleasant smile. 

"It's wonderful to see you again," Die says to Toshiya's mother, bowing his head. 

"Oh, none of that," Toshiya's mother says, reaching out and dragging Die forward into a hug. Die can't help it; he melts into her embrace, ducking his head to bury his face in her shoulder. She reminds him of his own mother, a familiar scent of lavender and powder, and all at once a wave of homesickness bowls him over until he almost gets lost in the undertow. "It's good to see you. Have you not been eating enough again?" 

Die shakes his head with a laugh, stepping back when Toshiya's mother releases him. "It's good to see you too, Hara-san—" 

Toshiya's mother holds up a hand. "We've been through this," she says firmly. "You're to call me Oba-san." 

"Ah, you're right. I'm sorry, Oba-san," Die says, grinning as she reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. "I hate to have to leave so quickly after you've just arrived, but I need to get to the office. I'll be back tonight." 

"We'll wait for you," Toshiya's mother says, beaming up at him. "I want to take you out for dinner and find out what my favourite sons have been up to." She winks at Die and nods her head towards Kyo and Toshiya. "When did all this happen, anyway?" she asks in a carrying whisper. 

Die's smile turns into more of a grimace and he turns away quickly to stuff his feet into his sneakers and pick up his bag from the closet. "You'll have to ask them for all the details," he says. "I really have to go or I'll be late. Have a wonderful afternoon!" 

He all but flees from the apartment the instant the door closes behind him, grateful for any distraction from this situation, even _work_... If only for a few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have this entire fic outlined but i haven't finished it yet so i don't know how long it will take to finish BUT I WILL, EVENTUALLY, BEAR WITH ME I HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A GNAT
> 
> [here's a playlist if you're into that](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3TzrBcxdfeRbimcIHldG76) okay love you bye


	2. interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go with the first flashback interlude. there'll be a couple of them (i'm thinking at least one between each chapter, we'll see how it goes!) taking place before the beginning of the fic. this one takes place at least a year before the first chapter, how fair die and kyo met and started fooling around.
> 
> warnings for alcohol consumption, smoking, 'oh no they're locked in a room together', and a guy who doesn't understand boundaries (and probably will never show up in this fic again tbh,)

Die isn't hiding. He _isn't_. The bathroom door, while _mostly_ shut, is still open. (Only because the latch is broken and he doesn't want to get locked in _again_ , but he's _not_ hiding.) He sits on the bathroom counter next to the window, chain-smoking away his nerves, avoiding someone he slept with a couple weeks ago who just can't seem to catch a _hint_. 

He came to the party with Toshiya and lost him within five minutes after they walked through the door. Ordinarily this isn't an issue since Die makes friends as easily as breathing, but this creep hounding him has just thrown everything off. Die's flat-out told the guy that he isn't interested, but he just doesn't act like he'll take no for an answer.

Die lights up another cigarette with a glum sigh and stares out the window. He'd been looking forward to this party, for a chance to blow off some steam, to drink and socialize. Now he just feels kind of... gross. Maybe he should just go home, sneak out when the creep's not lurking around.

**_BANG._ **

Die startles, nearly falling off his perch on the edge of the counter. The bathroom door swings open and his heart leaps into his throat so fast he chokes on it, one hand automatically shooting towards the window ledge. The window is tiny and he's four stories up but he'll force his way out if he has to! 

...but it's not that creep, Jun or whatever his name was. It's... Die frowns. The guy looks familiar, but Die can't quite place him.

Short, built stocky and solid with messy blond hair and smudged makeup. He's kind of cute, in a scruffy, dirty sort of way. New Guy frowns. "Are you... in here for a reason?" he asks, squinting around the bathroom.

"Ah," Die says very cleverly, as he shifts his weight back on the counter. "Hiding."

"Shitty hiding spot," New Guy observes. "Listen, I need to piss so you've got about five seconds to go find a better place to hide before I get my dick out."

Die blinks. "Wait, what? No, I can't— _what?_ "

"Alright, whatever you're into, I mean— far be it for me to judge—" New Guy nudges the door with his elbow and his hands drop to the fastenings of his jeans.

The door swings behind him and Die snaps out of it. "Shit, fuck, _wait—_ don't let the door close—"

But it's too late. It swings shut behind New Guy with a decisive, ominous _click_.

"—Because the lock's busted... Fuck," Die grumbles. New Guy turns, tugging uselessly at the door handle, but it doesn't turn, and the knob falls off in his hand. 

Die relaxes his hold on the windowsill. Shaking his head, he draws a knee up to his chest and takes another drag from his cigarette. "I keep telling Ryouhei to fix that fucking door," he says, blowing a plume of smoke out the window, "but ' _No, it's_ expensive, _Daisuke_ ,' like, you dumb, cheap motherfucker, and _Daisuke_ isn't even my fucking _name_..."

New Guy looks back over his shoulder with a cocked eyebrow and the rest of Die's muttered complaints turn to dust on his tongue. Die ducks his head, ashing his cigarette in an empty plastic cup. His gut churns and he swallows, taking a breath.

"The door only opens on the other side," Die explains. "That's why I said not to let it shut. We're stuck until someone outside opens the door, but now that the knob's broken off _too_... We might be in here a while." Die sighs, catching his lip between his teeth. "Y'know, if you wanted to be alone with me, you could've just _said_."

"Ah, _fuck_ ," New Guy says.

"Yep," Die agrees brightly. "It's bullshit!" New Guy pounds on the door, hollering for someone to help. "You can take it up with Ryouhei, but get in line. I've got first dibs on kicking his ass." Die scowls, taking another drag and staring out the window. "...But I guess this is one way to keep that creep off my ass for a while..." Shaking his head, Die digs his phone out of his pocket to send a message to Toshiya:

  
  


**Die:** sos   
**Die:** locked in bathroom w some rando  
**Die:** like idk he's cute but  
**Die:** pls send help  
  
  


New Guy stuffs the knob back into the hole in the door, crossing the room. "Ah... I _really_ need to piss, so... This is more intimate than I care to get with strangers, but d'you mind closing your eyes, at least?"

Die sets his cigarette between his lips and covers his eyes with both hands. "Knock yourself out, man." 

Turning towards the window, a gentle breeze blows across his face. As the New Guy unzips his jeans, Die begins to hum one of his favourite songs loudly, discordant against the trance synths thudding through the closed bathroom door. He keeps humming as New Guy relieves himself, past the toilet flushing, and only stops when the faucet turns out beside his hip. Die keeps his hands over his eyes. "Dick back in your pants?" he mumbles round the cigarette.

New Guy snorts. "Yeah," he says. "Were you humming a fucking Carly Rae Jepsen song?"

"Maybe," Die blows a plume of smoke out of his nose, uncovering his eyes and plucking the cigarette back between his fingers. "You recognized a fucking Carly Rae Jepsen song?" he blinks in the light of the bathroom.

"You got me there." New Guy's looking at him curiously now, his head tipped to the side. 

Die looks back at him, takes him in. Thankfully, he's fully dressed. His beat-up leather jacket, faded band t-shirt and ripped jeans look cooler and more fashionable than they probably are. Somehow his messy blond bedhead and smudged eyeliner looks effortless and artful rather than like he slept in it for a few days, and he has more piercings than Die currently has presence of mind to count. Die purses his lips, considering. 

He holds out the cigarette. "Want a drag?" he asks.

"Fuck it," New Guy says. His voice is nice, Die notes. Both quieter and softer than Die expected. "I've been trying to quit but this is weird and stressful enough to justify it." He accepts the cigarette, their fingers brushing. 

Die focuses on his tattooed fingers with mild interest. _Kinda hot_ , he thinks, watching out the corner of his eye as New Guy takes a drag, cheeks hollowing slightly as he inhales and eyes fluttering shut as he exhales. _More than kinda hot, maybe_ , Die decides. 

New Guy gives the cigarette back and settles on the counter next to Die. "So... what now?"

"I sent the friend I came to the party with a message," Die replies, shrugging. He takes another drag, tries not to think about how New Guy's lips had wrapped around the filter, and fails miserably. He turns to stare out the window, licking his lips. "Hopefully he'll..." He exhales, holding the cigarette out. "Uh, you look kind of familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"

Another snort as New Guy takes the cigarette. "You're in my music history class. We did a group project together at the start of term."

That triggers something of a memory from deep within the murky depths of Die's beer-sodden mind. He tips his head to rest on the wall beside him, squirming on the counter so he can face New Guy. Something clicks into place for Die — maybe it's the play of light across New Guy's high cheekbones — and he frowns in faint recognition.

"Oh! You— you sit in the back, right? By the door?" New Guy nods and Die hums.

Aside from that one project, they've hardly spoken much more than a polite 'hello' to each other in passing. New Guy's all sharp features, any softness in his face masked behind the piercings and makeup, his eyes bright and attentive. He looks at Die like he can see straight through him. It's more appealing than it has any right to be.

Die remembers when they were working together on that project, New Guy spoke up the least in their group, but when he did choose to talk, he was very blunt. If he didn't like you or your ideas, you would _know_. At the time, Die found it refreshing. He had a _really_ nice ass. Die remembers talking to Toshiya about it for _hours_. 

Looking at New Guy now, he wonders why they didn't keep talking. 

Well, now's as good a time as any. 

"Oh," Die says, watching as New Guy takes a drag. "You were..." _Hot_. Die blinks, catching his lip between his teeth. He still _is_ hot. 

New Guy raises his eyebrows. "I was...?" he asks, smirking a little with smoke trickling out the corner of his lips.

It's stupidly attractive. Die snatches back his cigarette. "I'm Die," he says, twisting a strand of hair around his finger. _Why didn't we keep talking?_ he wants to ask. _You're really hot. Can I have your number? Can I suck you off? Is your ass still really nice? Can I touch it? You have beautiful hands and your piercings are really sexy._ His stomach flutters and he swallows down the flood of words threatening to spill out of his mouth. 

"I remember," New Guy says. "Kyo."

" _Kyo_ ," Die echoes. "Ah, it's all starting to come back to me now." He licks his lips again, ashing the cigarette and taking a final drag before stubbing it out against the side of the cup. "Couldn't resist trying to get me here alone, huh?" he asks, blowing a smoke ring. "Lucky you."

Kyo rolls his eyes, swiping his fingers through the ring, dissipating it. "Oh yeah, you're irresistible." Die's heart sinks at Kyo's deadpan response, warmth prickling in his cheeks. He watches through the fall of his hair as Kyo gets up off the edge of the counter, stalking back towards the door. Kyo scowls and kicks at it. "Think we'll end up dying in here?" he asks. 

" _Probably_ ," Die squeaks, covering his face with his hand. God, he wishes _he_ would. Why did he _say_ that? 

"So you... What did you say earlier, you were trying to avoid someone?" Kyo crouches down by the door, his phone in his hand. He glances up at Die, the corner of his mouth quirked.

Die squirms a little. "Ah, yeah," he sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. "There's this... It's just some guy I slept with a couple weeks ago. It was supposed to be a one time thing, but he's kind of..." Die flounders, trying to find a way to describe the vibe he gets from this guy and coming up blank. His nails dig into his upper arms and he ducks his head, warmth prickling in his cheeks.

"Pushy?" Kyo offers, his attention on his phone.

"Yeah," Die says, perking up a little. "Sure. I mean, the dick was alright, and I remember having a good time, but I don't want... I'm not interested in more than that." Die clears his throat, blinking up at the ceiling. "Feels a lot like the creep wouldn't take no for an answer, if you know what I mean? Like, I don't think he'd try to hurt me or anything, but... I don't know, it's annoying and I'd rather not give him any opportunity to try." His shoulders rise up around his ears as he struggles to make himself smaller.

"Shit," Kyo says. 

"No, it's fine," Die says, huffing a laugh. "I mean, it's not, but I can deal with it. Whatever. Um." he scrubs a hand over his face. "I was kind of thinking of going home, anyway. It's too uncomfortable with that creep hounding me everywhere I go." 

Kyo looks up from his phone. Die watches him out the corner of his eye. "If we don't die in here," Kyo says, and Die snickers at his word choice. "Shut up," Kyo says. " _If_ we don't die in here, point that guy out to me."

"Kyo—"

"Nah," Kyo says, and when Die looks over at him, Kyo looks determined and unexpectedly... _angry_ , offended on Die's behalf. "That shit's not okay, Die."

Die slides off the edge of the counter, sitting down on the floor. He lights up another cigarette. "Thanks," he says. 

Silence falls between them, but it doesn't feel uncomfortable. Die kills time pestering Toshiya, Ryouhei, and anyone else he knows — whether they're at the party or not — to answer their goddamn messages and come open the door. When he gets bored of that and playing games on his phone, he drifts closer to Kyo.

Kyo doesn't seem to notice or care about the proximity, and Die settles on the floor nearby him, leaning against the wall opposite. They split another cigarette, passing it back and forth with the cup resting between their feet. Kyo doesn't look up from his phone, but Die doesn't mind the quiet. He feels a lot calmer now.

They both jump when the door handle jostles. Someone pounds on the door. "Hey, are you almost done in there, or what?"

"Been done for a while," Kyo says. "Door's fucking broken."

"Go kick Ryouhei's ass," Die adds. "I've been telling that cheap fuck to fix the lock for _weeks_."

Die glances over at Kyo's phone as Kyo leans forward to ash the cigarette. He's pulled up a search for how to fix a broken latch. Die snickers and Kyo looks up, startled. "Fixing it ourselves is probably faster than whatever poor, drunk asshole trying to help out would be," Die says. The corner of Kyo's mouth quirks and Die's heart beats a little faster.

A few minutes later, Kyo passes Die his phone. Die reads off the instructions to him as they puzzle their way through fixing the handle with whatever appropriated tools they managed to find in the bathroom. 

Though he tries to focus on the tutorial, Die can't help but stare at Kyo's fingers. Those thin, tattooed fingers catch his attention like a moth to a flame.  
  


"You have nice hands," Die blurts. "I like the tattoos. Did it hurt?" He cannot stop _staring_. God.

A pause. 

Kyo turns his head, looking up at Die with a hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. His eyebrow quirks and Die's cheeks prickle with warmth as Kyo goes back to fitting the doorknob into the door.

When they finally get out, they stumble off down the hall together, cussing Ryouhei out as they pass him by. In the living room, they back off from each other a little. Die teeters on the decision of either finding Toshiya and sticking with him for the rest of the party, or giving up entirely and heading home. 

Die looks up as he hears his name, stumbling back a step as he sees The Creep — Jun or whatever his name is — heading straight for him from across the room. Out of reflex, Die reaches out for Kyo's wrist, pulling him closer. Kyo yanks his arm in Die's hold, resisting, and Die tightens his fingers. 

"What's your deal?" Kyo asks.

"He's over there," Die replies, ducking his head. "Kyo, you said— please—"

Kyo turns his head, looking behind Die. "Wait, that's the guy?" he says. " _Really?_ "

" _Shut up_ ," Die hisses, loosening his grip on Kyo's forearm and crossing his arms over his chest. "I was _drunk_ and I just wanted to get fucked, okay? I wasn't really in the position to be that _choosy_."

"Hm," Kyo says. Die's breath hitches as Kyo curls an arm around Die's waist, tugging him closer. "I don't know," he murmurs, barely audible over the music. "You could probably take that guy in a fight if he tried to start shit with you. Put your arms around me." His breath is warm as it fans over Die's throat. Die shivers, lifting his arms and wrapping around Kyo's shoulders, his heart thudding against his ribs. Kyo tips his head up as his hand shifts down, fingers tucked into Die's back pocket, easy as anything. He's smiling a little, soft. "Want to go get a drink?" he asks.

"Y-yeah," Die says. "Okay." Out the corner of his eye, The Creep veers off. Die breathes out a sigh of relief, sagging into Kyo's arms. Kyo catches him with a huffed laugh. "Thanks."

Kyo keeps his arm firmly around Die's waist as they go and get drinks from the table of them in the kitchen. Die snags an opened, half-full bottle of rum and Kyo an unopened bottle of Coke. They head outside onto the empty balcony, setting down on the floor out of the wind. Kyo drinks most of the soda and Die only drinks a few mouthfuls of rum — with the tiniest sprinkling of chaser Kyo would allow him — before he taps out.

His head dips towards Kyo's shoulder as they talk about their classes — Kyo needed music history for his minor in voice, while Die just needed the credits because everywhere else was full. To Die's horror, even _music_ history is still _history_ , and by the time he'd realized that, it had been too late to drop and try his luck with something different. Kyo laughs at him. Die pouts.

From there they move on to music they like and movies they enjoy. To their surprise, their tastes overlap a lot more than they thought, and they get along a lot better than Die would've ever expected. When Die hits on a subject Kyo cares about, it's almost impossible to get a word in edgewise. It's adorable.

When his phone buzzes in his pocket, Die leans his head on Kyo's shoulder and wiggles his phone free from the confines of his jeans. His phone buzzes again in his palm, lighting up in the darkness with two new messages from Toshiya. He startles when he notices the time: Almost three hours have gone by.

"Well, shit," Die mumbles.

"What?" Kyo asks, pushing Die's hair out of his face. "Fuck, how is it two already? I meant to go home _hours_ ago."

  
  


**Toshiya:** hey i saw the creep in the hall, u ok?  
**Toshiya:** im in the bathroom where r u hiding

  
  


Die shakes his head and types out a response.

  
  


**Die:** we got out of there 3 hours ago dipshit  
**Die:** new guy saved me from the creep

  
  


A few moments later, Toshiya's reply comes through:

  
  


**Toshiya:** oh chill  
**Toshiya:** i have no idea who that is  
**Toshiya:** i want to go home, u coming?  
**Die:** pls  
**Die:** just give me 10 min, i'll meet u at the door? call a taxi

  
  


"So, can I get your number, then?" Die asks.

Kyo looks over at Die. he's sitting cross-legged, elbow resting on his knee and chin in his palm. "I guess," he says. He holds out his other hand and Die places his phone in it. Kyo types for a few moments, then hands it back. "You just want someone to cheat off of, huh?"

"No!" Die yelps, clutching his phone to his chest. "But actually, help me study, _please—_ "

Kyo snorts. "Yeah, yeah," he says, waving a hand. "What's in it for me?" Die pulls a face. The words, ' _sexual favours_ ,' rest on the tip of his tongue, and he bites down on it to keep them from spilling past his lips. Kyo snaps his fingers. Die startles. "Snacks. I like chocolate."

"Chocolate?" Die asks. "I— alright. Yeah. Yeah, I can do that." Kyo grins, and Die can't help but smile back. "Alright, I better go. It was— thanks for your help earlier. You didn't have to, and I just—" He ducks his head with a laugh. "Thanks."

"You were damseling pretty hard there," Kyo replies, still grinning. "It's fine," he says, waving a hand. "I hope he leaves you alone, Die."

Die laughs again, getting to his feet. "You and me both," he says. 

"Call me if he keeps bugging you," Kyo says, following Die inside. "I'll pretend to be your boyfriend or something. Scare him off."

"Ah, yeah, because you're _so_ scary," Die says, laughing and stumbling through the crowd of people dancing in the living room as Kyo digs his elbow into his ribs. "It probably won't be necessary, but I'll keep it in mind. Thanks."

*

From then on they were almost joined at the hip. What started with studying as an excuse to spend time with each other turned into meals shared, concerts, movie nights, and more. They slotted so neatly together that Die almost couldn't remember a time _without_ Kyo. Toshiya may still be Die's best friend, but Kyo was a close second. 

  
  


*

  
  


**Die:** did u do the reading for tomorrow?  
**Kyo:** Yes, why  
**Die:** i didn't write it down and forgot  
**Kyo:** 8-11. They're long and boring, good luck staying awake  
**Die:** shit, i'm going to be up all night  
**Kyo:** Sucks to suck  
**Die:** wow  
**Kyo:** You need coffee  
**Die:** if i said yes would you bring me some? pls?  
**Kyo:** Fuck no, I'm already in bed  
**Die:** why must you tease me? :( i will remember this!!  
**Die:** gn even tho ur a jerk!!  
**Kyo:** It's so much more fun when you pout. Good night

  
  


The next day, Die sits perched on Kyo's usual desk in the music history classroom, his legs dangling off the edge and the soles of his boots tangling an inch from the floor. There's still several minutes before the class is slated to begin. He leans back on one hand, scrolling idly through his social media feeds while he waits. 

When Kyo finally shows up, Die catches the barest flash of a smile twitching at the corners of Kyo's mouth before he ducks his head away, lifting the strap of his messenger bag up over his head and setting it on the floor beside his chair. He's wearing a plain white t-shirt, that same beat-up leather jacket, jeans and sneakers. His new lip piercings glint in the morning sun spilling through the window.

"Hey," Die says, turning his phone so that Kyo can see the dog picture that just popped up on his Instagram feed. 

The corner of Kyo's mouth works for a moment before another small smile breaks through. Die stares for a moment, transfixed, feeling as if the sun were peeking through an overcast sky. "Hey," Kyo replies, his gaze shifting from the phone to Die's face. He's still smiling, head tilted up at the slightest angle. Even sitting down on top of the desk, Die's still a little taller than him. Kyo drops down into his seat, leaning back. "Did you wait here just to show me that?"

"Yes," Die says, lifting his feet to rest on the seat of Kyo's chair, at either side of his thighs. "It's cute, right?"

Kyo's eyes dart from Die's phone up to his face and back again. He licks his lips. "Yeah, cute," he says. 

It takes Die a moment to realize that Kyo's not looking at his phone at all, but focused on his splayed thighs, instead. _Oh_. He shifts on the desk, looking down at his phone in his lap. Out the corner of his eye, he sees Kyo open his mouth to speak, but whatever he plans to say is lost as their professor walks through the door. Sliding off Kyo's desk and settling down in the free seat beside him, Die pulls his laptop out of his bag as the lecture begins.

Kyo passes Die a ripped piece of notebook paper an hour into the class. His writing is small and cramped as Die reads his note: ' _Meet me in the library after lunch to study?_ ' Die glances over at Kyo, but he's typing up notes as if nothing's amiss. Catching his bottom lip between his teeth, Die bends to pluck a pen from a pocket in his backpack and scrawls out his reply: ' _Ok_.'

After lunch, Die meets Kyo outside the library. They head up to their usual table and pull out their books, but neither of their hearts are really into studying for their upcoming unit test. When Kyo suggests watching a movie, Die nods and they find a quiet corner in the economics section. Die shifts closer to Kyo, fingers pressed to the earbud he's sharing with Kyo, struggling to focus. 

The movie isn't very good. Or, maybe it is, but Die just doesn't have the attention span to sit still right now. He slouches down even further, bumping up against Kyo's side. Kyo stiffens as Die's head droops onto his shoulder. Die blinks, about to sit up straight and apologize, when Kyo shifts, pulling Die closer with an arm around his waist. Die's head ends up cradled in the soft junction of his neck and shoulder. 

Die fidgets, tugging on one of his bracelets, his elbow digging into Kyo's ribs. He stops dead in his tracks as Kyo reaches out and touches his chin. Die swallows, staring open-mouthed as Kyo leans closer. "Sorry," he manages. "That was—"

"Hey," Kyo murmurs. "Shut up for a second." 

He tips his head to the side and presses their lips together. Die's surprised but not displeased, pressing into it and kissing Kyo back. It's a soft kiss, a slight brush of their lips together, neither of them pushing for more, neither of them moving past this tentative connection yet.

Still, it rockets like a jolt of electricity through each point of contact between them: lips, hands, thighs, knees. Kyo's scent floods Die's senses, chocolate and nervous sweat, with hints of something crisp and clean underneath. Kyo catches Die's lip between his teeth for the briefest moment before he rocks back. 

The world seems to spin on without them. Die's lips tingle. "Hey," Die breathes. He shifts his fingers, loosening his grip on Kyo's collar. When did he—? He lets go, his hand dropping to rest on Kyo's thigh. "Um... that was—"

"Do you want me to—"

"Fuck my mouth?" Die interrupts breathlessly. " _Yeah_."

Kyo blinks, leaning back from Die. Die's gut sinks. _Oh_ , he thinks, heat flaring in his cheeks. _Oh_ no. 

"I mean, _I_ was going to say, 'eat you out,'" Kyo says. "But I wouldn't say no if you want to."

"We can do both," Die says. He lifts his gaze up to Kyo's face in time to see something a lot like hope turn up the corners of his mouth. "I'm flexible." Kyo laughs and Die basks in the sound, absently playing with the inseam of Kyo's jeans. He pinches and rolls it between his thumb and forefinger. "My roommate's not going to be back til late tonight, so... I guess you could..." He swallows, his teeth digging into his lower lip. "Come back to my place, if you want—"

Leaning in, Kyo kisses Die again. It's suddenly deeper and filthier, open and wet. Die lets out a high and embarrassing little moan. Kyo laughs again, cupping the nape of Die's neck in his palm. Heartbeat thumping in his ears, Die leans in closer and pushes Kyo up against the stack behind them. Kyo gasps into Die's mouth and Die surges into the next kiss, gripping Kyo's hip bones through his shirt. Humming, Kyo's free hand slips up into Die's hair and he sucks on Die's tongue with a greater fervor when Die moans into his mouth.

He kisses Kyo the way he's wanted to kiss him for the past three months: consuming and almost aggressive in its directness, deep and hungry. Kyo bites at Die's mouth and Die gasps, working his hands up underneath Kyo's shirt, grazing his bare skin and digging in his nails. This earns him a sharp tug of his hair in response, Kyo tilting Die's head back by the grip he has in Die's hair to deepen the kiss. Die moans again, startled. Kyo's breath hitches.

A soft murmur of voices from deeper in the library reaches Die's ears over the wet sounds of their mouths and his pulse thudding in his throat. Kyo's skin is hot beneath Die's hands. Die drags his nails up Kyo's back, tipping his hips up so he can slide into Kyo's lap and grind down against him. 

Kyo makes a soft noise, muffled with Die's tongue curling into his mouth. Die shudders as _want_ closes in on him, sharp and sudden and aching, his body shaken and hot all over. He wants Kyo's lips and teeth and fingers, wants Kyo inside him. He wants so _much_ and it all comes down on him at once. Kyo's nails scrape over Die's scalp and he breaks the kiss with a desperate gasp for breath. His mouth is pink and slick, eyes glimmering behind heavy lids. He twists a strand of Die's hair around his finger. 

"We should go before we get caught," Die whispers.

One corner of Kyo's lips quirk into a stupidly sexy smirk that has Die squirming in his lap, rocking down against him. "Should we, though?" Kyo asks. "It might be fun to see how you'd react to getting caught in my lap." He tips his head to the side, leaning up to suck at the side of Die's neck. He licks over the spot before biting down and Die's hips buck, his nails digging into Kyo's back with a whine crawling up his throat. "See?" Kyo murmurs, lips moving slick against Die's skin. " _Cute_."

"Shut up," Die gasps, leaning back. Kyo takes another breath, tongue sweeping across his bottom lip as he looks up at Die. Die wants to suck both back into his mouth, and when he speaks again, his voice trembles. "We should go," he says. "I don't want anyone here to see me on my knees for you."

Kyo's breath hitches again, his grip tightening in Die's hair. Die smiles, trailing his nails feather-light down Kyo's back. "Yeah," Kyo says. "Yeah, let's go." He pushes Die back off his lap, gathering up his books, laptop and earbuds and shoving everything into his bag. Kyo gets to his feet without putting any effort into straightening out his hair or his clothes. Anyone that sees them will know _exactly_ what they've been up to, and that sends a filthy little thrill down Die's spine. 

Fuck. _Fuck_. Die likes him _so much_.

Die expects it to be awkward when they get to his apartment. He expects the pace to slow, for Kyo to shy away from him. On the contrary, Kyo's arms wind around Die's waist, pulling their bodies closer together as he stands on tiptoe to nuzzle into the side of Die's neck. 

"Which room's yours?" he asks, tipping his head towards the two open doorways leading off from either side of the television in the living room. 

"One on the right," Die murmurs. Nerves buzz in his gut, scary in a satisfying sort of way. His hands shake until he clenches them in the back of Kyo's shirt, nudging him towards his bedroom. "Unless you want to do this on the couch?"

Kyo's breath is warm as he huffs a laugh over Die's skin. A pleased shiver rolls down Die's spine. "Bed's better," he replies, stumbling backwards and still raised up on his toes like he can't bear to drag himself away from the side of Die's throat. His lips move slick and hot against Die's neck. "More room."

Die shivers again. "Oh," he says, and leads the way towards his room. Kyo follows, crowding up against Die's back, hands sneaking under Die's clothes to drag his nails over Die's skin. As they walk through the door, Die turns in Kyo's arms, walking back towards his bed. "Enough room?" he asks.

"I can make it work," Kyo replies, smirking. He pushes Die down onto the mattress as soon as they're close enough, climbing up after him to kneel between Die's splayed thighs. Die smiles up at him, close and sweet and unselfconscious. Kyo's breath hitches, his thumb tracing the corner of Die's mouth. "Yeah, I can definitely make it work."

Die bites his lip, rucking up the back of Kyo's shirt to get his hands on Kyo's skin. "What do you want to do?" he whispers.

Kyo wets his lips with a swipe of his tongue. "Depends," he replies, hand shifting to tuck a strand of Die's hair behind his ear. His fingertips trail along the nape of Die's neck and Die's eyes flutter closed. "How much time do we have?"

"As much as you need," Die says, dizzy and overwhelmed. He digs his nails into Kyo's back and he can feel the shiver roll down Kyo's spine. His cock is starting to get hard again and he squirms on the bed. "Do you want me to— I mean, d'you want me to suck you off first?"

Kyo shifts close enough for their lips to brush, and Die's breath hitches. "I want to eat you out," he says. "You said you were flexible."

"Fuck," Die mutters, dragging Kyo closer and kissing him again. Kyo's hips rock forward and Die can feel the hard line of his cock through his jeans. One of Kyo's hands slides along the back of Die's thighs from knee to his ass, spreading his legs further apart. Die opens his eyes and flushes all over from the way Kyo's looking down at him. "Okay."

"Glad we're on the same page," Kyo murmurs. 

Making out turns to stripping each other out of their clothes, which turns to Die resting on Kyo's chest. Kyo guides him back, settling with his thighs straddling Kyo's face. "Oh, fuck," Die whispers, his nails digging into Kyo's chest. "You're just—" Kyo makes an amused noise before tracing his tongue over Die's hole. Die whines, rocking back onto Kyo's tongue.

"That's it," Kyo murmurs, kissing both of Die's thighs. Die gasps at the sudden sharp sting of his teeth dragging over his sensitive skin, and he shudders as he feels Kyo's lips stretch into a smirk. 

Die drops down, strokes Kyo's half-hard cock before sucking the head of it into his mouth, muffling his moans. Kyo's hips buck up towards Die's mouth and Die takes it, takes Kyo's cock deeper into his throat, relaxing into it. He seals his lips around the base of Kyo's cock and lets him thrust up into his mouth. His nails dig into Kyo's thighs, his moans barely muffled as Kyo laps at his rim.

Any time Die pulls off to breathe, Kyo buries his face back between his cheeks, sucking at him. Die's legs shake, muscles trembling, almost vibrating from the intensity of it. Kyo braces his hands on the backs of Die's thighs, thumbs curled in the little crease where his ass and his thighs meet. 

Die cums with a loud cry, bucking back and riding Kyo's face as he cums. Kyo pushes him up onto his knees just enough to fuck him with two spit-slicked fingers, quick, just to give him something tangible to clench down around. Die takes Kyo's cock back into his mouth, sucking him down and swallowing when he follows Die over the edge. After, he buries his face in Kyo's thigh, trembling and twitching from the overstimulation, whimpering as Kyo peppers kisses all over Die's thighs, his ass, anywhere he can reach.

It's the hardest and fastest Die can remember having cum in _months_ , since before his ex-boyfriend, even. Kyo gets him off twice, once with his mouth and then again with his fingers, and Die's overwhelmed and maybe a little besotted.

They collapse back on Die's bed together, shoulders bumping as they settle against the mussed up sheets. Die struggles to catch his breath, fingertips pressed against his bottom lip. He tips his head to look at Kyo and as their eyes meet, they both burst into laughter.

Eagerly, Die turns towards Kyo, cupping his cheek in his palm. Kyo draws back out of reach as Die leans forward. "No," he says with another huffed laugh. "I just had my mouth on your ass. Let me brush my teeth, first."

"Fine," Die sighs, rolling his eyes, "but I need to be kissed."

"' _I need to be kissed_ ,'" Kyo parrots as he rolls off the edge of the bed with a feline sort of grace that has Die's breath catching in his throat despite himself. Kyo grins back at Die over his shoulder as he stumbles towards the door. "Are you always this fucking bossy after sex?"

Die throws a pillow at him. Kyo leaps through the doorway to dodge it, laughing. " _Yes_." Die stares at the empty doorway after Kyo disappears, his heart pounding in his chest having little to do with two orgasms within ten minutes of each other (well, maybe a little). Die scrubs at the cum on his stomach with the corner of his sheets, turning his gaze up towards the ceiling. The corners of his mouth twitch, and he covers his face with his hands, biting down hard on his bottom lip. 

When Kyo comes back, he presses Die back into the pillows and kisses him hard, licking deep into his mouth. Die moans into his mouth and Kyo laughs, low and sweet. "Want to do this again sometime?" he asks, breathless.

" _Yes_ ," Die replies, pulling Kyo closer. "How about right now?"

"Oh," Kyo sighs, leaning in and kissing Die again. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

*

Over the following weeks that turn into months, they continue to fool around together. All along, Die half-expects Kyo to grow tired of him and leave like his ex-boyfriend had. He knows it isn't fair, but he can't help it; he's only ever had that one actual relationship followed by a string of one-night stands. Kyo's somewhere in between those, and Die doesn't have anything else to compare Kyo to. Die just likes him so much, _fuck_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey sorry for falling off the face of the planet, shit happens!! i have no idea how often i'll be able to update, i just got a kitten and she is all hands on deck ALL THE TIME,, hopefully as things settle down i'll have more time to write, hehe. 
> 
> i do have one more chapter ready for posting, though, so i'll try to get it up in the next couple weeks and chip away at the next interlude and chapter 3 when i can, hehe.
> 
> anyway hi i love u, please take care of urselves


	3. kyo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for mild anxiety, hurt feelings, and some mentioned alcohol consumption, but it's pretty chill overall! meeting momther

"Hey, Kyo. Go get breakfast," Toshiya says for the umpteenth time in the past twenty minutes, "we don't have anything."

" _You_ go get breakfast," Kyo grumbles back, curled up on his side with his phone, scrolling through his Instagram feed. "Hey," he says, as he passes by a photo of Shinya, "did Shinya really block you when you asked him to be your fake boyfriend?"

Toshiya's pout deepens. "Yes, and it hurt," he says. "I thought I was Shin-chan's _favourite!_ "

Kyo snorts. "What gave you _that_ idea?" Toshiya grumbles something about actually being ‘ _everyone's favourite, thank you_ ,' and Kyo doesn't even bother trying to hide a laugh as he rolls off the couch and gets to his feet. He passes by Toshiya on his way to the kitchen, deftly side-stepping the outstretched foot meant to trip him up. "Idiot," he says, as he digs through the cupboards and the fridge, but all that he finds in either are packages of instant ramen and beer.

"Fine," Kyo sighs, and Toshiya perks up the instant Kyo turns to face him. " _Fine_ , I'll go pick something up. You're really fucking spoiled, you know that?"

"Die says I'm baby," Toshiya says, shrugging as if that answers anything. "If he says I'm baby, then I'm baby. You know?"

Kyo stares at Toshiya for a moment, unsure if he should even dignify that with a response. He decides not to, making his way towards Die's room to wake him. "How do you two idiots even _survive_ on your own," he grumbles, pushing open the door.

Sunlight spills through the window, falling across the end of the bed. Die's still asleep, lying on his back where Kyo had left him an hour earlier. One hand dangles off the edge of the bed, the other tucked up under the pillow. Die looks soft and sleep-rumpled, peaceful in a way Kyo doesn't often get to see.

The collar of his t-shirt droops over one shoulder and Kyo can make out a fading, mouth-shaped bruise on his chest peeking out from above the collar. Kyo can't remember when he'd done that. Two days ago? Maybe three?

Kyo steps around clothes on the floor to drop back down onto the bed. He reaches out and brushes strands of faded red-black hair back off Die's forehead, leaning in to press their mouths together, cupping Die's cheek in his hand. Die stirs with a little, questioning hum even as his arms come up to curl around Kyo's neck and pull him in closer.

Laughing, Kyo pulls Die over onto his side and presses right up against his body. He lets his hand slide down to curl around the nape of Die's neck, following the length of his spine to grip at his ass, instead. Die makes these sweet, soft encouraging sounds in the back of his throat as he wakes and starts meeting Kyo's kisses with more and more eagerness, his fingers curling into Kyo's hair and keeping him close.

"Morning," Kyo says. He nips at Die's bottom lip, tugging it between his teeth before letting him go, rising up on his elbow. Die chases after him for another kiss with a whine, and Kyo pushes himself back even further out of reach, grinning. "I'm going to get something for breakfast because Toshiya won't shut up about it." He tilts his head to the side. Die still hasn't opened his eyes. "You want anything specific?"

Die hums again, his fingers curling tighter in the ends of Kyo's hair, and he shrugs. "Whatever you're getting, nothing fishy." He purses his lips for a moment, nose wrinkling, and Kyo's grin broadens. "You know what I like. Coffee in an IV drip." Die's eyes squint open against the sunlight shining into the room, a slow smile turning up the corners of his mouth as his eyes find Kyo's. "You look like a nerd," Die says, and he gets both hands in Kyo's hair to fluff it up even more.

Ducking back, Kyo lets the grin spread fully across his face. "I'll be back in a bit," he says, sliding off the bed and getting to his feet. His feet get caught in the sheet and he stumbles backwards into the dresser, leaning against it like he meant to do that all along. "Just need to stop at my place on the way back." He curls his hand around the edge of the dresser. His hip throbs. "Toshiya wanted to know if you're gonna come with us to the train station to pick up his mom."

Die's expression shutters and he huddles back blinking at Kyo owlishly from the curl of the blanket. "No, it'd be weird if I just—" The blanket shakes. "No," he says, "no, I don't want to be there when you're—" His voice cracks and he coughs to clear his throat, tugging the blanket up to cover everything but his eyes. "No," he says again, and his voice pitches up higher. "Someone has to clean up around here, and I have to work this afternoon, anyway."

"Okay," Kyo says, tracing his fingertips along the corner edge of the dresser beside his hip, over and over again. His chest hurts. He doesn't know why. "You don't have to."

Kyo goes to a little cafe near his place to get breakfast and stops at his apartment to pack up a toothbrush and his most respectable clothes for the weekend. He comes back to find Die sprawled out on the couch with Toshiya leaning against him, watching something on his phone that has them both almost crying with laughter. Kyo drops his bag on the floor, coming closer with a cardboard tray of cups of coffee and a bag of food. "What're you watching?"

"Something stupid," Toshiya says, as Die dries his cheeks on the hem of his t-shirt. It looks familiar... He's pretty sure that it used to be his at one point, before Kaoru stole it and claimed it for his own. Maybe it was the other way around. Kyo leans forward as Toshiya holds up the phone, handing off the drinks to Die and dissolving into laughter as he watches a troupe of people dressed in inflated T-Rex costumes running on a horse racetrack.

Breakfast, despite the ridiculousness of Toshiya's video collection, is quiet. Kyo doesn't mind, though he _does_ mind being told to take out his piercings. He knows Toshiya has a point, and he _did_ agree to do whatever Toshiya needs him to do in order for his mother to leave him alone... but his piercings?

Oh well, he sighs, dropping the jewelry into Die's hand. It's not like getting them redone would be that much of a hardship, and it might be fun switching things up with new placements. He almost half-wishes the holes do close up over the weekend...

*

"So, we're early," Kyo intones, squinting at the train schedule and frowning. "We're over an hour early."

"I must have written the time down wrong," Toshiya mumbles, staring at his phone. "I could've _sworn_ my mom said—" He cuts himself off mid-sentence and heaves a sigh. "We don't have time to go all the way back home..." Casting a glance around the crowded station, he lets out a triumphant sound. "Hey! There's a cafe over there—"

Kyo looks over where Toshiya's pointing, and crosses his arms over his chest. "I'm not buying you anything else today," he says. Toshiya laughs, clapping a hand on Kyo's shoulder and tugging him along as he heads off in the direction of the cafe. Grumbling under his breath, Kyo follows.

Against all odds, Toshiya buys drinks for each of them. Kyo sits at the empty table in the window to wait, perched on a stool with the toes of his sneakers hooked around the bottom rungs. He rests his chin in his hands, staring out the window at the rush of people passing by.

Toshiya settles down in the stool beside Kyo's, setting their cups down. Kyo nudges his cup in front of his mouth with his elbow, leaning forward to sip through the straw. After a few moments, Toshiya mirrors his posture and does the same. Kyo feels the corner of his mouth quirk.

"Ah," Toshiya says, pulling out his phone. "Couple shot." He snaps a couple of quick selfies. Kyo grimaces out of reflex but flashes a peace sign which makes Toshiya laugh. It's kind of cute. Toshiya posts the photos on his socials with a heart emoji as the caption.

"What's our game plan for this weekend?" Kyo asks.

Toshiya licks his lips, dropping his phone back down onto the table between his elbows. "I don't know— I mean. Lie? A lot? I haven't had much chance to put a lot of thought into this." He shrugs with a thoughtful frown. "My mom's going to be staying with us from today until Monday morning. She didn't say when she'd be leaving, but probably in the afternoon. I don't have to go into work tomorrow or over the weekend, so—"

"I don't, either," Kyo mutters.

"Great!" Toshiya perks up a little, smiling. "I know that Die works today and Monday afternoon, but otherwise he should be with us for most of the weekend, so that'll— that'll help make it a little easier. My mom _loves_ Die."

 _Good taste._ Kyo hums, staring glumly out the window. He takes another sip of his iced coffee. Toshiya didn't add enough sugar, but Kyo can grudgingly admit that it's still good.

Toshiya spins his stool from side to side, his arm braced on the edge of the table. "You'll have to stay at our place," he says. The stool gives an ominous creak every time the seat rotates. "But you're almost _always_ over these days anyway, though, so... That's not going to be a problem for you, right?"

Kyo shrugs. He's usually there to be with _Die_ , not Toshiya, but he supposes that he and Toshiya _are_ kind of friends now... "It should be fine," he says, and then pulls a face. "Is your mom getting a hotel room or is she going to be staying with us?" He does _not_ want to have to sleep on that couch. It's _so_ lumpy.

"She'll be staying with us, of course!" Toshiya says, as if that should be obvious. He sips his smoothie with a satisfied hum. Kyo eyes it with intense distrust. It's _green_. It probably has _spinach_ in it. Toshiya draws shapes in the condensation on the side of his cup with a fingertip. "It'll be fine," he says. "I talked it over with Die while you were out getting breakfast. There's enough room for all of us."

Kyo doubts that, but he doesn't raise an issue with it. Not yet, at least. "If you say so," he says. "By the way, I snore."

"I kick," Toshiya replies, smiling.

" _Perfect_ ," Kyo sighs.

When Toshiya's mother shows up, she is not quite what Kyo expected. She's beautiful, and Toshiya clearly got a lot of his looks from her, but she doesn't look like she should have a kid Toshiya's age. _She must have had him young_ , Kyo thinks, and then decides it's none of his business either way. Her face lights up when she sees Toshiya, her arms wide as Toshiya rushes forward into her arms.

"Oh, my boy," she keeps saying, rocking Toshiya back and forth. She's at least a foot shorter than him, Toshiya stooped at an awkward angle to press his face into her shoulder. "Oh, my son. I missed you! Have you been eating enough? You're so thin," she says mournfully, her hands running along his sides. Toshiya squirms, ticklish.

When he straightens back up, she reaches out to cup his cheeks in both hands. "Have you been well?" she asks, looking him in the eye. "Doing your homework on time? Do I need to bully you over Facetime so you meet your deadlines?"

Shaking his head, Toshiya ducks away with a laugh, picking up her bag where she'd dropped it on one of the station benches. "Mom, I've been _fine_ —"

"And where is Die?" she asks next, looking around the crowded station. "Did he not come?" Toshiya shakes his head again, and his mother's expression falls. "Oh," she says, disappointed.

 _Join the club_ , Kyo thinks, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets.

"We'll see him when we get back," Toshiya says. He's smiling, but it looks strained to Kyo. His hands are shaking, even clenched in a white-knuckled grip around the thick leather strap of his mother's weekend bag. He clears his throat. "Die has to work this afternoon, so he agreed to stay behind and make sure everything was ready for you when you arrived."

"Such a thoughtful boy," Toshiya's mother says approvingly. Her gaze falls upon Kyo at last. She startles, her eyes widening. "Then this must be—?"

Kyo feels his spine straighten up of its own accord, his hands falling limp at his sides. Toshiya's eyes dart between his mother and Kyo. He looks so _nervous_. Kyo reaches out and takes Toshiya's free hand in his, holding on tight and lacing their fingers together.

At once, some of the tension drains out of Toshiya's shoulders and stops coming off him in anxious waves. He squeezes Kyo's hand. "Yes, this is my, ah," Toshiya's voice falters. He clears his throat again, standing up taller. "This is my boyfriend, Mom," he says, and when he smiles this time, it seems more genuine. "His name is Kyo. Kyo," he says, turning to look at Kyo with that same smile, "this is my mother."

Smiling, Kyo offers a polite bow. "It's very nice to meet you, Hara-san," he says.

"We have a train to catch," Toshiya says, tugging Kyo in the direction of the exit. "We should— we should go. We can catch up and get to know each other on the train!"

Kyo and Toshiya don't let go of each other's hands once. When they get on the train, Toshiya finds a seat for his mother and he and Kyo stand in front of her, holding onto the railing. Kyo zones out while Toshiya catches up with his mother, asking about her trip up and how she's been doing over the past few months, about Toshiya's father and the neighbourhood gossip. Kyo watches out the window, nodding and smiling whenever Toshiya squeezes his hand.

"Sorry," Toshiya says to his mother with a laugh. "Please, don't be offended. He's just _really_ shy."

Kyo smiles at Toshiya's mother with a shrug. "It's true," he says.

Hara-san's eyes catch the light of the sun spilling through the windows opposite, tipping her head to the side. "You know, I didn't think shy was your type," she says, after a moment's pause.

"Usually it isn't," Toshiya admits, grinning. "But there's... just something about Kyo..."

When Kyo looks up, Toshiya's smiling at him all soft and gentle, and _oh_. Kyo understands a little better about what Die meant last night, when he talked about how they needed to look like they actually _like_ each other. He meant it like _this_.

Kyo feels the corner of his mouth quirk and he ducks his head away with a laugh. Toshiya squeezes Kyo's hand again reassuringly. He and his mother fall back into easy conversation with one another. Kyo speaks up when he can, trying to make a good impression.

Toshiya keeps giving him that sweet, warm little smile, so he _must_ be doing at least _semi_ -okay, right?

...Or maybe Toshiya's doing damage control to play up the lovesick puppy schtick so his mother doesn't get too suspicious, Kyo really can't tell.

Die's still at the apartment when they arrive. He barely has time to raise his hand in greeting before Hara-san drops her bag inside the door, calling out his name and rushing forward to meet him.

"It's wonderful to see you again," he says, bowing his head.

"Oh, none of that," Hara-san says. Her arms curl around Die, yanking him forward into a hug. Die startles, a flustered expression on his face as his hands hover in the air behind her back, but he melts into her arms. His eyes close as a smile turns up the corners of his mouth.

He looks nicer than Kyo's used to seeing him dress. It's just a simple black button-up shirt with black pants and a belt, but it makes even the faded red of his hair stand out in stark contrast. He looks _good_. Kyo knows he works as a receptionist for a real estate company, answering phones and booking appointments mostly, but Die doesn't ever really talk about his job that often.

Kyo looks over at Toshiya. He's watching Die and his mother with a faint smile. When he catches Kyo's eyes on him, he pulls a face. Kyo sticks out his tongue and squeezes Toshiya's hand again.

Die stumbles back out of Toshiya's mother's arms with a laugh. "It's good to see you, too, Hara-san—"

"We've been through this," Hara-san says, one hand raised. "You're to call me Oba-san."

Die grins as Hara-san reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. "You're right. I'm sorry, Oba-san. I hate to have to leave so quickly after you've just arrived, but I need to get to the office. I'll be back tonight."

"We'll wait for you," Hara-san says with a bright smile. "I want to take you out for dinner and find out what my favourite sons have been up to." She tips her head back towards Kyo and Toshiya, a sly smile creeping across her face that looks almost identical to Toshiya's most mischievous expression. "When did all this happen, anyway?"

Die grimaces, ducking to pick up his messenger bag from where it sits propped up against the wall by the door and sliding his feet into his sneakers. "You'll have to ask them for details," he says. "I have to go or else I'll be late. Have a wonderful afternoon!" He throws a wave over his shoulder as he heads out of the apartment without looking back or meeting Kyo's gaze once.

Kyo isn't sure how to feel about that. He shifts his weight from foot to foot as his gut clenches painfully. Toshiya releases his hand at last, jolting Kyo back into the present. Kyo watches Toshiya lead his mother towards Die's room, where he sets down her bag. Kyo follows after them, leaning against the doorframe.

While they'd been away, Die straightened up the room and changed the sheets. He even left a space in his closet with empty hangers for Hara-san to hang up her clothes. He hid so many of his own things away until it barely even looks like his room anymore. Kyo isn't sure how to feel about that, either.

"Ah," Hara-san sighs, perching on the end of Die's bed. "Traveling took more out of me than I expected. I think I might have a rest if you boys don't mind."

"That sounds great, Mom," Toshiya says, beaming. He bends down and smacks a kiss on her high cheekbone, and she smiles up at him. "We'll just be in my room if you need anything. Maybe we could go for a walk later."

Toshiya and Kyo leave her to her nap. Kyo looks around as they cross the threshold of Toshiya's room. He's never actually been in here before, only ever seen it in passing through the open door.

Small hills of laundry rise up in corners of the room, with empty alcohol bottles prominently displayed on the top of Toshiya's dresser and desk, and wrinkled and ripped band posters and torn-out centrefolds decorate the walls. His collection of three bass guitars and accessories sit in the only clean and organized corner of the room.

The bed is messy and unmade, black sheets and navy blue blanket spilling over the sides onto the floor. Kyo settles on the edge. The bed frame doesn't squeak, unlike Die's.

Kyo considers this for a moment, remembering the occasions that Kyo slept over and he and Die fooled around in the morning before class — and then he decides he _really_ doesn't care whether Toshiya heard them or not.

"What do we do now?" Kyo whispers, nudging Toshiya in the ribs as he sprawls out on the bed next to him.

"I don't know!" Toshiya hisses back.

Kyo scowls up at the ceiling. "I wish Die was here," he says.

"I do, too." Toshiya hesitates, his hands clenching in the bedding beneath him for a moment before he rolls towards the edge of his bed, flopping an arm off the edge of the mattress. He digs around for a few moments before popping back up with Die's Switch clutched in his hand. "D'you wanna play Mario Kart with me?" he asks.

"...Yeah," Kyo mutters.

While Toshiya's mother rests, Toshiya and Kyo race each other around the track on Die's Switch. It's a stupid game, and Toshiya pokes fun about how bad Kyo is at it. Kyo digs into Toshiya's ribs with his elbow, laughing when Toshiya slips right off the edge of the bed. He actually manages a win that time, and Toshiya whines bitterly about cheating.

When she wakes up, this is how Hara-san finds them: Laughing and struggling against each other while they each try to win the cup. Hara-san smiles, leaning against the doorframe. "Having fun?" she asks.

"Yes!" Toshiya crows as his kart passes the finish line.

Kyo shoves him off the edge of the bed again, laughing. He looks over at Hara-san and his laughter fades somewhat. "Hara-san, would you like to go for a walk?" he asks. "There's a cafe nearby that makes good coffee and sandwiches..."

The smile on Hara-san's face widens. "Oh, yes," she says. "Just let me get my coat."

They wander around the neighbourhood, stopping in at the cafe Kyo mentioned. Hara-san casts a keen eye over Kyo every so often. He struggles not to squirm uncomfortably beneath the scrutiny, but he doesn't let go of Toshiya's hand except to eat. Toshiya takes the lead in the conversation once again, chatting easily and cracking jokes to ease the tension.

"So... how did you two meet?" Hara-san asks.

Toshiya looks over at Kyo and shrugs, smiling. "Die," he says, turning back towards his mother and picking up his cappuccino. "He and Kyo were working on a project together back at our place."

"Didn't think you even liked me at first," Kyo pipes up, which is true. Of course, Toshiya had first met Kyo while his dick was in Die's mouth, which wasn't the best first impression he could've hoped for. Still, they got through all that somehow.

"I didn't!" Toshiya says, his smile morphing into a mischievous grin. "I thought you were too quiet and stubborn and _annoying_."

Kyo rests his chin in his hand, smiling over at Toshiya slyly. "Well, I thought you were too noisy and full of yourself and _dramatic_ — but I couldn't stop thinking about you."

Toshiya ducks his head with a laugh, scratching at the back of his neck. "He actually made the first move, believe it or not," he says. "I couldn't believe it was happening, but... Well, he kissed me, and I kissed him back."

"For _hours_ ," Kyo says, nudging Toshiya in the ribs with his elbow. Toshiya nudges Kyo back, then catches hold of Kyo's hand and laces their fingers together. "I asked him out, he said yes, and now here we are."

"Adorable!" Hara-san coos, beaming at them. "How long have you been together, then?"

"Three months?" Toshiya says, looking over at Kyo doubtfully. "Or is it four?"

"Closer to four, I think," Kyo says.

Hara-san leans closer, smiling. "What kind of job do you have?"

Kyo shrugs. "I work at a convenience store. Nights, generally, because of school. I've been working there since I started college the year before last. The schedule works best for me."

"What are you studying?" Hara-san asks, tipping her head to the side as she examines Kyo closely. Toshiya tightens his hold on Kyo's hand and Kyo struggles not to squirm under the scrutiny. "Some sort of art, I'd imagine?"

"Music," Kyo manages. "I've been studying voice, but I think I want to transfer to a specialized makeup school to learn special and practical effects for stage and film."

"He's really good at both," Toshiya says. Kyo looks over at him in mild surprise. Toshiya gazes back with a fond smile, his chin propped up in his other hand. "He's got an incredible voice, and his creativity is unrivalled." Kyo's cheeks prickle with warmth. "You should've seen those prosthetics he was building on Die a couple weeks ago. It was crazy." He hadn't noticed Toshiya ever paying him that close attention before. "Never seen Die sit still for so long."

Kyo snickers. "It was a challenge. Maybe I should do you next time," he says, and Toshiya grins at him.

Hara-san hums, looking thoughtful. "Makeup, hm... What do you like best about Toshiya?"

"Aw, _mom!_ " Toshiya tilts towards Kyo, his eyes bright and slightly panicked. "It's okay, you don't have to—"

"Everything," Kyo interrupts. He's been paying attention, too. "He makes me laugh. Toshiya knocks me out of my head when I've been stuck in a rut." He looks over at Toshiya, smiling at his startled expression. "He's warm and kind and passionate. He's got a huge heart and he's not afraid to open it for others and let them in."

With a pleased smile, Hara-san settles back in her seat. "Are you close with your parents?"

"No," Kyo says.

Hara-san's expression falters. She opens her mouth to speak, but

" _Mom_ ," Toshiya snaps. He shakes his head, tightening his grip on Kyo's hand. "That's enough." Kyo wonders what Die might have told Toshiya about his relationship with his parents — or non-relationship, rather.

Hara-san holds up her hands in surrender. "Alright, alright. Tell me what do you like about Kyo, then."

Toshiya turns sideways on his seat to face Kyo and just looks at him for a moment with a faint smile. Kyo looks back, uncertain. Finally, Toshiya says, "Well, he's funny. Super weird sense of humour. _Bratty_ —"

"Oh, so you two have that in common then," Hara-san cuts in, amused. Kyo smothers a laugh into his cup of coffee while Toshiya sputters.

When he recovers, Toshiya adds, "He's strong and considerate, and sweet in his own way. _And_ ," he says, his eyes sparkling with mischief, "once you find out what he's interested in, he literally _never_ shuts up. I don't know how I ever thought you were _too_ quiet, the _hours_ I've spent listening to you rambling on—"

Kyo claps a hand over Toshiya's mouth, only to yank his hand away with a disgusted sound when Toshiya licks his palm. Scowling, Kyo scrubs his hand on this thigh. Well played.

Hara-san seems satisfied enough with their answers to her questions, but there's something about the way she keeps looking over at Kyo makes him feel... _off_. He tightens his grip on Toshiya's hand, smiling over at him as Toshiya lifts their entwined hands to his mouth and brushes a kiss over Kyo's tattooed knuckles.

From there, they decide to continue on with their walk, appreciating the pleasant mid-spring air and the opportunity to stretch their legs. Kyo leads them over to his favourite park near Toshiya and Die's place. It's on the smaller side, a grassy field lined with gravel walking paths and dotted with trees and benches. At one end of the park is a small playground and swings.

One night after a party celebrating the end of their midterms, Die and Kyo had stumbled their way into this park, both a little tipsy. Kyo doesn't drink much even on the rare occasions that he does choose to drink at all, and Die hadn't wanted to be super drunk if Kyo was going to be sober, so he didn't have much either. It was late, well after midnight, the night cold and clear.

They were both giggly from sleep deprivation more than anything, playing on the swings. Die kept making Kyo snicker with increasingly stupid puns and jokes, looking more and more pleased with himself with every snort of laughter he managed to coax out of Kyo. He was still laughing at one of his own bad jokes when Kyo got up.

Die didn't seem to notice right away, at least not until Kyo came to a halt in front of him. He grabbed hold of the chains of Die's swing, pulling him up just enough to kiss him. With a weak sound muffled into Kyo's mouth, Die let go of the swing entirely, both hands coming up to cup Kyo's cheeks in his hands and kiss him deeper and sweeter.

It was good. The squawking sound Die made when Kyo let go of the swing in favour of curling his arms around Die's waist was even better.

He caught Die before he could fall. Die winced as the swing hit the backs of his knees, doubled over and whining with his face buried in Kyo's shoulder. Kyo had laughed, ducking his head and kissing Die again, and again, and again, until Die forgot about complaining and melted back into his arms.

Looking over at those swings now, Kyo sighs, checking the time on his phone. Die won't be finished at work for another hour, and likely won't be home for at least an hour after _that_. So far today he hasn't minded Toshiya's company anywhere near as much as he feared he might, but it keeps throwing into sharp relief how much he misses spending time with Die, too.

Kyo and Toshiya play around a bit, making each other laugh and casting aspersions on each other's fumbling attempts at romance. Toshiya's mother sits on one of the benches nearby. She tips her face up towards the sun with her eyes closed, a faint smile on her face.

"It's going alright, right?" Kyo hisses, dragging Toshiya further out of her earshot.

"I don't know," Toshiya replies. "Mom's looking over here again, I'm gonna kiss your cheek." He smacks a kiss to the side of Kyo's face, more like bumping his jaw against Kyo's cheekbone. It kind of hurts. Kyo wants to rub at his cheek, but he just laughs instead, shoving Toshiya back like they're playing around.

They run around a bit, laughing and shoving at each other. By the time Kyo pushes Toshiya down in the grass in the shade and flops down next to him, they're both laughing and a little exhausted. Kyo leans back on his hands, looking around the park.

After a while, Toshiya turns his head and looks up at Kyo. "Why _did_ you agree to do this?"

Kyo glances at him and then looks away, picking stray grass stalks off his knees and tossing them away. "Because you said you'd help pay for my tattoo," he says finally. Toshiya makes a wordless noise of complaint, and Kyo sighs. "You're my friend," he adds. He wets his lips, tugging at the loose threads sticking out from a ripped hole in his jeans, hesitating before he admits, "And Die wanted me to."

Toshiya hums, his hands tucked behind his head as he looks up at the sky through the tree branches. "Thank you," he says finally. "I appreciate you doing this."

"Yeah, well," Kyo grumbles, shifting his weight. "Don't get used to it."

"I would never," Toshiya laughs, pushing himself up. He casts a glance around them, his lip caught between his teeth. "I'm going to kiss you again," he murmurs. "Okay?" Kyo looks over at him, watching as Toshiya leans closer, cupping Kyo's cheek in his hand. The touch of their lips is soft, almost achingly tender, and Kyo's breath hitches in his throat. Toshiya presses closer, kissing him deeper, rising up to his knees and pushing Kyo back into the grass.

"Hey," Kyo mutters between kisses, a laugh bubbling up his throat. " _Hey!_ " He pushes Toshiya up and off of him, laughing. "Not in public, you idiot." He gets up and reaches down to help tug Toshiya to his feet, letting his hand drop as soon as Toshiya's standing in favour of pinching his ass.

Toshiya jumps, laughing, and smacks Kyo's shoulder. They start walking back towards Hara-san. "Want to go out for dinner?" he asks. "I don't think Die'll be up to making anything tonight even if we stop at the market on our way back, and _I_ can't even boil water."

"Your only option left is beer, then, if you can't make ramen," Kyo reminds him, and Toshiya's shoulders sag. "I'll see if Die'll meet us... There's this new restaurant I've been meaning to take him to anyway, he'd probably like it."

Die messages Kyo to let him know that there was an emergency at work and that he's stuck in traffic, and asks Kyo to order for him. He shows up half an hour late, freshly showered and in comfortable clothing, but he looks exhausted. Smiling, he drops down into the seat next to Hara-san. "Hey," he says. "Thanks for ordering for me."

"Kyo knew exactly what to order for you," Hara-san says. "I didn't know you two were so close."

"Oh, me and Kyo?" Die laughs easily, twirling a strand of red hair around his finger. "Of course we're close, he's always over hanging out with Toshiya..." He leans towards Hara-san, still smiling. "They're good together, you know," he says in a carrying undertone. "They make each other happy. If I didn't think they were a good fit, d'you really think I'd let Toshiya get hurt? I've got his back, Oba-san, you can count on me."

Hara-san's eyes brighten. "Well, that does my heart a world of good," she replies at the same volume, smiling. "How have you been? My sweet son." Reaching up, she pats Die's cheek affectionately.

Both Die and Toshiya take turns telling Hara-san about how they've been. Nothing seems to be off-limits, between class and work, even personal relationships, _everything_. Kyo's a little weirded out by the whole thing, shifting uncomfortably. He was never close with his parents and wouldn't ever dream of speaking so candidly with them. Current circumstances aside, Toshiya and his mother seem to have a very open, very honest relationship. If Kyo's memory is correct, Die's even closer with his own family.

 _Fuck_ , Kyo realizes, as Die soaks in the attention from Hara-san like a sunflower turned towards the sun. _He must miss his family a lot_.

"So, have you found a nice girl yet?" Hara-san asks.

"Ah..." Die shifts in his seat, staring down at his plate. "Not... not yet, Oba-san."

Toshiya shifts in his seat, leaning across the table towards his mother, setting down some food from his own plate. "You have to try this, Mom!" Die shoots Toshiya a grateful look, and the conversation steers towards safer topics.

Die seems very resigned to sleeping on the couch. He puts on a brave face, smiling and waving a hand to shoo the others away as he starts to make up a bed for himself. Kyo doesn't think it's very fair, but he knows it's not his place to say anything, especially not in front of Toshiya's mother.

The next day, Kyo, Toshiya and Die take Hara-san out for breakfast. It's a subdued meal, each of them slow to wake up. Kyo rests with his head pillowed on Toshiya's shoulder, picking listlessly at his meal as he waits for the caffeine to kick in. Hara-san talks with Die, smiling over at her son and Kyo every so often.

"It's so nice out," Die says, offering Hara-san his arm as they leave the restaurant some time later. "Should we go for a walk?"

"Yes, please," Hara-san demurs, tucking her hand into the crook of Die's elbow with a little laugh.

Kyo watches as they walk on ahead of him and Toshiya. Die listens intently to every word Hara-san says, fully engaged with her. Hara-san is completely enamoured with him, and it's easy to see why. He's just _charming_ , laughing easily and often.

"Should we kiss again, d'you think?" Kyo mumbles to Toshiya after a few blocks.

Toshiya shrugs, checking his Instagram feed. Kyo grabs onto the sleeve of his denim jacket, tugging him out of the way of walking straight into a bus stop bench. "I guess so," he says, looking up from his phone at last. "Do you think this photo of me looks okay?"

Kyo examines the photo; it's of Die and Toshiya, slouched together on a couch at a party. They're both clearly drunk, plastic cups of alcohol dangling daintily from their fingers, their other arms thrown around each other's shoulders. Die's grimacing, his face screwed up all on one side with an unlit cigarette tucked behind his ear. Toshiya's turned towards Die with a delighted grin on his face. Kyo can almost _hear_ his laughter through the screen.

"Yeah, it's cute," he says, passing the phone back. "Why—?"

Toshiya leans in, interrupting him with a kiss. Kyo makes a startled squawk despite himself, his hands coming up to curl over Toshiya's shoulders. His fingers flex and for a moment he's not sure if he'll draw Toshiya closer or push him away. He lets his hands rest there and he kisses Toshiya back, biting at his bottom lip in revenge. Toshiya draws back with a laugh, covering his mouth with his hand. " _Ow_ ," he says.

"You deserved that," Kyo replies.

"Am I bleeding?" Toshiya whines, leaning close again and letting his hand drop back to his side, pushing his lips out into an exaggerated pucker. "Kiss it better."

" _No_ ," Kyo says, shoving Toshiya's face away with a laugh. "Don't be a baby." His eyes drift over Toshiya's shoulder and he catches sight of Die looking over at them. He looks pale but he smiles, wrinkling his nose as he meets Kyo's eyes.

Toshiya nudges Kyo's shoulder, dragging his attention back to him. He's still pouting. It's kind of cute. Kyo almost wants to go buy him another one of his disgusting green smoothies just to get him to smile again. What the fuck. "Don't call me a baby."

"I thought you _liked_ that, though," Kyo replies, pinching Toshiya's cheek. " _Baby_."

"When Die does it, it's cute." Toshiya crosses his arms over his chest. "When you do it, it's an insult."

Kyo smiles, continuing on up the sidewalk. As he glances back over his shoulder to make sure the others are trailing after them, he sees Die's face crumple into something so heartbreakingly _sad_ that Kyo doesn't even know what to do with himself. Sick guilt begins to twist itself into knots in his gut, nausea rising in his throat. What are they even _doing?_ This better be worth it.

That afternoon, Toshiya decides to take his mother out shopping. Kyo's expected to tag along, so he does. He enjoys shopping, even if he doesn't like the crowds. To his relief, Hara-san takes them to niche shops rather than braving the larger department stores, where there's undoubtedly a smaller selection but far fewer people.

"I hate it when there's too many people around," she says to Kyo with a faint smile.

Kyo smiles back. "I do, too," he says. As they wander along the sidewalks, window-shopping and pointing out the items that catch their eye, he's surprised by how much he _likes_ Hara-san. She's funny, and he can see so much of Toshiya's warmth and kindness in her. They get along and their tastes overlap a lot more than he ever could've expected.

She seems to be warming up to Kyo a little more as well, which is a good sign. Kyo didn't think he'd care what Hara-san thought of him, but... He kind of wants her to like him for real, even after all this is over.

They stop for a late lunch at a fast food restaurant. Toshiya keeps eating off Kyo's plate as he talks with his mother, a bright grin on his face. The next time his hand sneaks out to steal another chicken nugget, Kyo snaps his chopsticks at him. "You said you wanted fries," he says, "stop stealing my food."

"But it tastes better off your plate," Toshiya says, smiling sweetly. "Here," he says, offering up a single french fry in return. "You try."

Kyo stares between Toshiya's face and the fry for a long moment. Before Toshiya can change his mind, Kyo lunges forward, chomping the fry straight from between Toshiya's fingers. Toshiya yelps in surprise and Kyo laughs, settling back in his seat and chewing smugly.

Hara-san giggles. She seems to enjoy his more playful side. Kyo makes a note of that.

Die's asleep on the couch when Toshiya, his mother, and Kyo arrive back.

"Ah, what a wonderful idea," Hara-san whispers. She makes her way carefully through the apartment with her purchases, waving over her shoulder before disappearing into Die's bedroom for a rest.

Kyo tip-toes over to the back of the couch, looking over at Die. His face is half-covered by the blanket, blocking out the sunlight streaming through the window. He looks so soft and peaceful, and Kyo has his phone out and pointed towards him, snapping a photo before he even fully registers the thought.

"Be quiet," he hisses to Toshiya as he walks up behind him.

"I _am_ quiet," Toshiya hisses back.

Frowning, Kyo rounds on him. "Why is Die the one stuck sleeping on that shitty couch, anyway?" he whispers. "It's _your_ mom."

Toshiya takes a step back, his brow furrowing. "I'm not going to make _my mom_ sleep on the couch, Kyo, what the fuck—"

"Why aren't _you_ sleeping on the couch?" Kyo interrupts.

"Where would you sleep, then?"

Kyo's grip tightens around his phone. "I have my own place, you idiot!"

Even though they tried to keep their voices down, Die stirs with a soft groan. He burrows even deeper in the blanket until only a tuft of red and black hair and a small sliver of his face is visible. He's _cute_.

Kyo snaps another photo of him. He startles when he realizes Toshiya's still standing near him, watching over his shoulder with a thoughtful expression. "What?" he asks.

"Nothing," Toshiya says, shaking his head. "It's nothing. You're stupid, that's all."

" _You're_ stupid," Kyo parrots. It's not his best comeback, but Toshiya still cracks a smile. When he tips his head towards his open bedroom door, Kyo nods and follows after him, leaving Die to catch up on his rest in peace.

When they go out for dinner that evening, Die declines, stating other plans. He's still out when they get back. They pile onto the couch together to watch a movie up until Hara-san starts to yawn and makes her way to bed. Kyo and Toshiya stay up a little longer, both of them catching each other glancing towards the door.

"He's probably out drinking," Toshiya says, shrugging. "Maybe he went to that party at Ryouhei's..."

"Without us?" Kyo says, frowning over at the closed apartment door.

Toshiya shakes his head. "I don't know," he says. "Stranger things have happened— Shinya hasn't heard from him, but Kaoru's not answering his messages. I bet he's with Kaoru."

"That's something, at least," Kyo replies, scratching the nape of his neck. Kaoru wouldn't let Die get into trouble. Not by himself, anyway. Kyo shakes his head, huffing a laugh. "Remember when they got so drunk they decided to have a slap fight and nearly knocked each other unconscious?"

"Yeah," Toshiya says, grinning at the memory. "That was a long, stupid night in the ER." Kyo yawns, rubbing his cheek against the couch cushion. Toshiya nudges Kyo in the ribs with his toes and Kyo bats ineffectually at his foot, missing entirely and hitting his own knee, instead. "It's almost one," Toshiya says. "We should get to bed. I'll hear if he comes in, I'm a light sleeper even if my mom isn't."

With great reluctance, Kyo agrees. He doesn't fall asleep despite how early he'd been up that morning, so he hears when Die finally stumbles through the door at three in the morning. The bed shakes as Toshiya gets up and leaves the room with the door closed gently behind him.

Kyo listens as they talk. He can't quite make out any words, but Die sounds a mix of happy and sad, which doesn't surprise Kyo that much. Die's often a giggly drunk, but when he's been overstimulated that giggling can turn into tears as easily as flipping a switch. Toshiya sounds tired but patient as he stays up with Die until he's finally ready to go to bed.

The minutes tick past, until almost half an hour later Toshiya comes back into the room. Kyo rolls towards him on the bed. Toshiya ignores him, climbing back onto the mattress and settling down with a sigh.

"Everything okay?" Kyo asks.

Toshiya nods, yawning. "Yeah, yeah," he says. "He just gets like that sometimes. Clingy. Didn't want to sleep alone, so I played with his hair until he fell asleep." Toshiya sighs, rolling onto his side and snuggling into his pillow. "He'll be alright in the morning. You know what he's like."

Kyo _does_ know. Sighing, he rolls back over onto his side and tries not to think about how much _nicer_ it would be to be snuggled up against Die's back. He tangles his hand in Toshiya's soft sheets and closes his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends. kitten is officially ten weeks old as of today. she's ridiculous. i haven't had much time to do anything but keep her out of trouble tbh lmao
> 
> i hope you're safe and doing well. take care of yourselves and each other.


	4. interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this takes place a few months before the start of the fic. nothing really to warn for, it's just soft and porny and uhh. dumb boys being dumb, you know.

The apartment is dark and quiet when Kyo pushes the door open. Not an uncommon occurrence, he and his two roommates have such wildly opposite schedules that it's rare he sees either of them at all. Flicking on the light, he sprinkles what's left in his water bottle on the cactus Toshiya bought him for Christmas. (" _It's small and pointy,_ " Toshiya had said upon handing the pot off to Kyo. " _Your face is small and pointy. Perfect match, am I right or am I right?_ " Then he dodged, giggling, as Kyo tried to kick him.) Kyo rolls his shoulders, kicking off his shoes and taking off his jacket, nudging them into the cabinet.

His apartment is small, cramped but quiet, except for the woman three doors down that likes to vacuum in the middle of the night. It's good, though, because it's _his_. His tiny, shitty apartment, his shitty neighbours, his shitty roommates, his shitty cactus. A couple years back, he couldn't say any of that.

Kyo yawns, scrubbing a hand over his face, and wanders over to the fridge, reaching inside to grab the first container his fingertips brush over. He leans against the counter to eat it. Noodles from takeout the night before. Still good, even cold.

Making his way to the bathroom next to piss and wash off the day, he spends a little longer beneath the shower spray than he might on other days. He keeps his head bowed, eyes closed as the hot water streams down over his skin, taking some of the exhaustion along with it as his muscles begin to unwind. After, he rubs a towel over his wet hair with his clothes bundled up beneath one arm and walks to his bedroom.

In the hall, he hesitates. The door is closed. _Did_ he close the door? He can't be sure. This morning he was so tired after working a night shift before a mid-morning class that he'd barely been aware of anything beyond stumbling through the door in a mad dash to make it on time. Did he close the door? Maybe? It seems like something he'd do, and he supposes it doesn't really matter anyway. Kyo pushes the door open, and

there he finds _Die_. Kyo's eyes zero in on where Die lies, fast asleep atop the covers on his bed. His laptop is sitting open at the foot of the bed, the screen dark and soft music spilling through the headphones he left resting hanging from the edge of the lid. Textbooks sit in lopsided stacks on the floor.

 _Die_. It's not the first time Kyo's come home to find Die waiting around for him, and he's sure it won't be the last. Whatever he's doing here, it doesn't even matter. Kyo doesn't care. Just _seeing_ him, it's as if every snide comment, impatient customers' sigh, students' complaint, every person that jostled him on the train... All the negativity that had been cumulating and winding the muscles in Kyo's shoulders tighter and tighter all day just... melts away.

Kyo inhales feeling almost like it's the first free breath to fill his lungs since he left the apartment that morning, leaning against the doorframe and watching Die sleep. He's curled up on his side facing away from the door, his hand curled in Kyo's pillow. His hair is loose, the shoulder-length red strands bright against the black sheets.

Shaking his head, Kyo moves to close Die's laptop, shifting it down onto the floor next to the textbooks. He tosses his clothes into the laundry bag, pausing to grab a fresh t-shirt and boxers from his dresser. Die doesn't stir. Kyo smiles, making his way back to the bed and climbing up onto the mattress behind him.

The bedframe shakes under his weight. Kyo freezes, his eyes darting to Die's face. He feels every muscle in his body lock up, trying to move with as small movements as possible, but in the end it doesn't make any difference.

Die stirs, inhaling sharply and blinking his eyes open. He shifts, turning his head and squinting through the dim afternoon light. "Oh," he says, his voice hoarse from sleep. He looks _exhausted_ , dark smudges under his eyes, his cheek creased with imprints of Kyo's sheets. "I'm sorry, I was here to surprise you."

Kyo laughs despite himself, reaching up to brush Die's hair out of his eyes. "I'm surprised, good job," he murmurs, grazing Die's cheekbone with his thumb. "I need a nap too, we can talk later. Go back to sleep, it's okay." He settles down on the bed behind Die, hooking a leg up around Die's thigh. Die hums sleepily, shifting back until his ass presses into the dip of Kyo's hips like he was meant to be there. He smells good, something crisp and clean like fresh laundry and peppermint candy.

Die drifts back off to sleep and Kyo's quick to follow, his face nuzzled between Die's shoulder blades. They wake an indeterminate amount of time later, but Kyo feels refreshed and Die looks somewhat better rested than the state Kyo had found him in. Kyo keeps his arm wound around Die's waist.

"What are you doing here?" he murmurs.

"Shinya so helpfully informed me that your birthday was this past weekend," Die replies, and Kyo stiffens. He doesn't move away, but his breath catches high in his throat. "Why didn't you tell me?" Die asks. "We were even hanging out together on the day!" He shifts in Kyo's hold, fidgeting with the edge of Kyo's blanket. "I mean, I'm glad we fucked, but why didn't you tell me?"

Kyo shrugs, pressing his face to the back of Die's t-shirt. It's soft and warm and smells comforting. He swallows. "I don't like my birthday," he mumbles finally, after an extended pause. "It's... not something I like to think about or celebrate. Don't worry about it."

Die hums, rolling over in Kyo's arms and nuzzling his face into the side of Kyo's throat. "If you say so," he says. "I still want to give you a present though, if that's okay?" His lips graze Kyo's skin and Kyo shivers, curling his fingers in Die's hair at the back of his head. "I wrapped it and everything, it'd be a shame to go to waste." He sighs and Kyo feels his lips curve into a grin. "You can pretend it's not a birthday present, if that makes it easier! It could just be a, ' _Hey, I think you're great_ ,' present."

"Ah, fuck it," Kyo sighs. "Okay." He frowns as Die starts to wiggle away, tightening his hold out of reflex before he realizes what he's doing and lets him go. With a huffed laugh, Die sits up, tugging at the hem of his shirt and dragging it up over his head. There's a ribbon tied around his waist, Kyo sees at once, reaching out with his fingers to graze the red satin. "What the fuck," he says, laughing.

Die smiles at Kyo in that bright and unselfconscious way that makes Kyo's chest feel a size too small, like wearing someone else's clothes. "Yeah!" Die says, pushing his hair out of his eyes, bright and shining. "What do you think?"

"I think you're ridiculous," Kyo murmurs, reaching out for him. "Come here." Die comes readily, easily, sliding back into Kyo's arms and leaning in for a kiss. Kyo hums, nails digging into the nape of Die's neck, and Die sighs, sweet and happy.

"So... what do you want me to do?" Die whispers, his hands smoothing down Kyo's chest.

"I haven't decided," Kyo replies, tipping his head back as Die kisses down the side of his throat. His lips are soft and warm, dragging wet over Kyo's skin. Kyo's eyes close, letting his fingertips drift across Die's back, following the length of his spine down to the ribbon. He tugs at the end of the bow, the soft satin sliding away. Die shivers, squirming towards Kyo with a huffed laugh, lifting his head to catch Kyo's mouth again.

They kiss slow and lazy, luxuriating in it. Kyo's fingers card through Die's hair, the soft strands slipping between his fingers and smelling like peppermint sweetness. Die smiles into each kiss, rubbing up against Kyo's body. The kiss builds and builds until it's wet and hot, impatient almost to the point of being sloppy, fingers curving under waistbands and lifting shirt hems out of the way in their haste to get their hands on each other.

Die's hand curves around Kyo's cock just as Kyo's nails scrape across Die's hipbone, and they work each other over until they're both hard. Kyo tucks his face into Die's shoulder, listening to Die's soft, whining breaths, his hips bucking into Kyo's hand. The velvety softness of his cock pulses against Kyo's palm.

 _That might be nice_ , Kyo thinks. He rubs his fingers over the head of Die's cock, already slick with spit and precum. Die twitches in his hold, his other hand curled around the nape of Kyo's neck, warm fingertips pressing into Kyo's skin.

" _Kyo_ ," Die sighs.

"Maybe you can fuck me," Kyo breathes. He kisses Die's throat, nuzzles along his jaw with the tip of his nose as he lifts his head to press their mouths back together. He tightens his hold around Die's cock and Die whines into Kyo's mouth.

"Okay," Die mumbles, as Kyo draws back, rolling away to grab the lube and a condom from his bedside table. His fingers tremble as Kyo presses the bottle of lube into his hands. He looks up at Kyo, eyes wide. "Are you— I mean—" He laughs, reaching back to push his hair out of his face. "Yeah."

Kyo lies back, spreading his legs as Die slicks up his fingers and starts to press into him. He sighs, tipping his head back on the pillows. It's a good sort of pressure. He doesn't always go for penetration, and he takes a deep breath, relaxing into it. Oftentimes penetration is either too overwhelming or it just hurts, but maybe it'll be different with Die.

Die kisses down the side of Kyo's neck, zig-zagging across his chest and still stroking his finger in and out of Kyo's hole with a leisured, honey-slow pace. It's good. Die pauses seemingly at random, leaving behind hickeys and dragging his teeth over Kyo's abs, almost as if leaving a roadmap to follow. It doesn't hurt, Die's teeth dragging just enough to leave stinging tingles singing in Die's wake.

"Ah, _fuck_ ," Kyo gasps, arching his back up to meet Die's mouth. He shivers at a soft puff of huffed air over his spit-slick skin as Die chuckles. "Fuck off."

" _Mhm_ ," Die hums, seemingly more content to suck bruises along the creases of Kyo's hips, nipping at his hipbone than pushing for more than that. Kyo shifts and tangles his hands in Die's hair, trying to get him where he wants him _now_ , but Die just laughs. After thoroughly marking Kyo up, he ducks his head to take Kyo's cock into his mouth.

Die mouths almost thoughtfully at the head of Kyo's cock, quickening the thrusts of his finger until he's up to two. Kyo rolls his hips, rocking down onto Die's fingers and up into his mouth. Die moans, taking it, letting Kyo use him.

"God, you're beautiful," Kyo gasps, his voice hoarse and low. He cups Die's cheek in his palm. "You take my cock so well, don't you?"

Die's eyelids flutter before opening and his heated gaze meets Kyo's. He bobs his head, suddenly taking Kyo deeper into his mouth. Kyo gasps as his cock hits the back of Die's throat, his hips twitching as Die swipes a teasing pattern along the underside with his tongue. Die moans and Kyo tips his hips up, pushing down into Die's throat, and he fucks into Kyo, twisting his wrist and crooking his fingers _just so_.

Looking up, Die meets Kyo's stare, his teary eyes glimmering with a promise. Kyo's senses tunnel into the moment: the watery winter sunlight spilling through the window, the smooth thrusts of Die's fingers, the heat of his mouth and the slick slide of his tongue along Kyo's cock, Die's muffled moans and each desperate, hot draw of breath. His orgasm comes as a surprise, his hips jerking up into Die's mouth with a loud cry as he cums down Die's throat.

" _Fuck_ ," Kyo gasps, twitching and jerking from overstimulation as Die keeps sucking at the head of his cock. He gets his hands down, pushing at Die's shoulders, and Die sits back with a hoarse laugh. Kyo lolls back on the bed as he relaxes, boneless. "Sorry I didn't warn you first," he adds. "I felt so good and it all just snuck up on me."

"That's okay," Die says, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and scrubbing his lubed fingers on the inside of his own abandoned t-shirt. His cock is still hard, red and slick, precum dribbling down the side. He smiles at Kyo, his lip caught between his teeth. "What do you want me to do now?"

Kyo gets a hand on Die's cock and it doesn't take much more than a few strokes and his mouth on Die's ear. "Now I want you to cum," he breathes and traces the shell of Die's ear with the tip of his tongue.

Die's hips twitch, his hands coming up to rest on Kyo's shoulders, fingers curled around the nape of his neck. "I'm trying," Die mutters, tipping his head towards Kyo's mouth.

"You're so pretty when you cum," Kyo continues, his voice low and sweet. Die shivers again, muttering a low curse."I want to see it, I want to feel you fall apart for me."

He sets his teeth to Die's earlobe, grinning as Die whines and then twitches, cumming in hot little spurts over the backs of Kyo's fingers. Kyo gentles him through it, kissing along the side of his face to meet his mouth. Die whines again, his nails scraping across Kyo's nape before he settles, slumping forward against Kyo's chest, struggling to catch his breath.

"That was good," Kyo sighs, dropping back on the bed. Die follows, head pillowed on Kyo's chest. "To be honest, I don't know if I'd have liked it if you fucked me," he says. "The fingering was good, though. You've got such nice fingers."

Die rubs his cheek on Kyo's chest, heat radiating from his skin. "I probably wouldn't have liked it, either," he mumbles. Kyo laughs and Die tips his head up to look at Kyo with a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, and Kyo's heart does a funny little tumble in his chest.

After cleaning up, they fall back asleep, tangled up together under the covers. Kyo wakes as Die struggles to climb over him towards the edge of the bed. He twines his arms around Die's waist, dragging him back down. With a yelped laugh, Die manages to catch himself before smacking face-first into Kyo's clavicle.

"Are you trying to sneak off without even saying goodbye?" Kyo murmurs sleepily.

" _No_ ," Die says, squirming and pushing himself up as much as he can in Kyo's hold. Kyo tightens his grip, just in case he tries to make another break for it. "I was going to take a _piss_." Oh. Kyo swallows, staring up at him, and Die seems to falter as he meets Kyo's eyes. "You're not sick of me yet, are you?"

Kyo hesitates. His heart beats faster in his chest. Rain patters against the dark window. Die looks back at him, a faint, tired smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, his eyes heavy-lidded and warm. Several strands of hair stick straight up at the back of his head. Kyo reaches up and smooths them back down.

"No, not yet," he says, finally. He wants to add, ' _I don't think I could_.' He doesn't.

The smile on Die's face stretches, spreading across his face. They didn't bother to turn any of the lights on before they fell asleep, but Kyo swears the room brightens in that split-second. He sits up in Kyo's lap.

"Good," Die says, "because I'm making your birthday dinner and Kaoru lent me a box set of that anime you were telling me about." Kyo's hands slide down his back to grip his hips, and Die shifts his weight with a teasing flash of tongue at the corner of his mouth. Kyo's heart thuds against his ribs. "I'll give you _four_ episodes to prove it's worth watching, and if it's not—"

"What—?" Kyo's voice squeaks into nothing. What the _fuck_. People don't just _do_ stuff like this, not without an ulterior motive. He stares up at Die, searching for any hint, any _sign_... But it's just _Die_ , grinning down at him, warm and happy and _there_. "The fuck," Kyo mutters, slinging his arms back around Die and yanking him down.

Die yelps again, but he melts into it as Kyo kisses him, giggling into Kyo's mouth. "Okay, okay," he gasps between kisses. "Seriously, let me up, or I'm just going to piss in your bed and then it'll be a _you_ problem—"

Kyo releases him and Die wiggles off the bed. He watches with some amusement as Die scoops up his underwear up off the floor and steals a clean shirt from Kyo's closet on his way out the door. _Huh_ , Kyo thinks. _That's kinda hot._ It takes him almost ten full seconds to remember that he does, in fact, have _roommates_ and Kyo scrambles after Die with more clothes.

The apartment's still dark and empty. Apart from Die singing in the bathroom, it's quiet. Kyo double-checks on Takumi's and Yuchi's rooms, but they're both gone. It seems to be just him and Die. That's weird. They should be back by now.

How did Die get in? When Kyo asks, Die grins, leaning against the kitchen door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. "Takumi let me in when I showed up — I got too excited and wanted to make sure I was here before you were, so I got here _really early_ , sorry — I bribed both Yuchi and Takumi with a promise of treating them to dinner and a six pack of beer apiece so they'd stay out for the night."

Kyo blinks in stunned silence as Die hops back a step into the kitchen and spins around on his heel. His bare feet squeak on the tile and Kyo follows after him, taking his place leaning up against the doorframe. "I got groceries too," Die continues, glancing back over his shoulder with a smile. "I pestered Shinya until he told me some of your favourite dishes... I've only made a couple before, so I don't know what'll turn out any good, but I'll try—"

"What the fuck," Kyo says again, clambering up onto the kitchen counter. "You're a good cook, you'll be fine," he adds, reaching out and catching hold of the back of Die's — _Kyo's_ — button-up shirt. "Come here, let me kiss you."

Humming, Die lets himself be dragged closer. His hands come to rest on Kyo's thighs, spread to give him room to press right up against Kyo's body. Kyo has to tip his head down to press their mouths together, which sends a giddy little thrill through him as he cups Die's jaw in his hands.

"Why are you doing all this for me?" Kyo mumbles into the kiss.

Die leans back enough to look at Kyo, his expression unreadable. "Because it's your birthday," he says, after a pause, smiling. "You're my friend." He walks his fingertips up over Kyo's thighs. "And friends do stuff like this for each other." He says it like it's so _simple_ , so _easy_ , and maybe for him it is. Kyo drags Die back into another kiss and Die laughs into his mouth, curling his arms around Kyo's waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i have started the next chapter, but my cat is still reigning terror upon me and my household lmfao. (she's a week shy of three months old now and she weighs exactly 3lbs. bebe's getting big ;-;) i'll keep chipping away at it and hopefully have something more ready soon! ♥


	5. die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for more sads, alcohol consumption, and porn ig

Almost down to the second as Kaoru gets off work, his phone begins to ring. Kaoru groans, rolling his shoulders and pulling his phone out from his back pocket. He squints at the screen. "Die?"

"Hey, old man," Die replies. "Are you busy tonight?"

Kaoru yawns, scrubbing a hand over his face as he pushes the back door of the hotel open and walks out into the alley behind the building. "I don't think so," he says, waving a goodbye to one of his coworkers smoking huddled up underneath the awning. "Why? Did you want to do something?"

Die doesn't answer right away and Kaoru frowns. As he opens his mouth to speak up, though, Die responds, "I need to get out for a while." He huffs a laugh. "I asked Shinya, and he said he's busy tonight, so..."

" _I'm_ your last resort? Again? That's hurtful," Kaoru replies, laughing as Die sputters out, ' _That's not what I meant, Kaoru! Come on!_ ' "Yeah, we can hang out," Kaoru adds. "I'm just getting off work, but we could meet at that dive bar a couple blocks from my place in twenty minutes if you're that desperate."

"I am," Die replies. Kaoru's eyebrows lift. "I'll see you soon."

Teasing aside, Kaoru and Die hang out often enough, just the two of them. Shinya or Toshiya often tag along, sometimes even Kyo too on the rarer occasions when all of their schedules line up. Kaoru's still stinging from Toshiya not even asking him to take part in his harebrained scheme, maybe. _Everything's a bit weird_ , he supposes, as he stops outside his apartment and makes his way inside for a quick wash and a change of clothes. 

Die's waiting for him at the bar, standing outside the door with a cigarette in hand. 

"Hey, old man," Kaoru says, reaching out to swipe the cigarette from between Die's fingers, who pouts but lets him. "I thought you'd be busy with Toshiya's whole," Kaoru waves a hand vaguely, "thing."

Die's fingers curl in the open edges of his coat, winding them tight across his chest with his arms crossed. "I was," he says. "And now I need a break." The corner of his mouth quirks and he takes the cigarette back when Kaoru holds it out for him. 

Kaoru leans up against the wall beside him as Die takes a drag, blowing a plume of smoke up towards the light above their heads. "How's it going?" Kaoru asks, stuffing his hands into his pockets to stave off the early spring air. "I mean... it's gotta be strange, right? Seeing Kyo and Toshiya pretending to be into each other? I can't even imagine it."

"It's bullshit," Die says, laughing. "They're getting better at it though. I don't know if Toshiya thinks it's convincing enough for his mom, I haven't gotten a chance to talk to him about it." He shrugs his shoulders, nose wrinkling as he squints up at the light. "I don't know." Kaoru hums, watching Die out the corner of his eye. Die shifts his weight, dropping the cigarette and grinding the embers out beneath his boot. "Should we go in? I need to be drunk."

Laughing, Kaoru pushes off the wall and swings around Die to open the door. "Yeah, even if I am your last choice." He waves Die through, kneeing him right in his bony ass as Die moves past. Die yelps, hopping forward. Kaoru laughs again, pushing him over to a booth while he makes his way to the bar for drinks.

They sprawl out in a dim corner booth with their beers and shots of whatever was strongest and cheapest, joking around and catching up on their lives since they last got a chance to spend time together. Die's laughter falters every so often and Kaoru pretends not to notice. He seems a bit _off_ somehow, his antsy energy at odds with how subdued he is. Kaoru's not stupid. Die's one of his oldest friends; he can always tell when something's bothering Die, even when Die tries (and fails) to hide it. 

Kaoru's not going to pry, though. When Die's ready to talk to him about it, he will; there's no point in pressuring him into talking before he's ready. He does his best to bolster Die up, maybe a little gentler with him than he might be otherwise, and they drink and drink, making each other laugh.

When Kaoru comes back to their booth with a pair of gin and tonics for the both of them, Die smiles coyly at Kaoru over the rim of his glass. "Are you flirting with me?"

Kaoru rolls his eyes. "Yeah, that's it," he says dryly. "You got me." Die snickers into his glass and Kaoru drops down across the table from him, tapping his fingers along the table top. 

Tonight reminds him of how Die acted when his ex-boyfriend broke up with him with no explanation and no warning. Kaoru took Die out that night, too, watched how Die laughed and buried the hurt down deep, never dealing with it and pretending everything was okay. Kaoru never liked that guy. He and Toshiya always secretly thought that maybe he was married or something... He's pretty sure Die had no idea, which makes it feel worse and better at the same time.

It must be something to do with Kyo or Toshiya, or maybe both of them at once. The next time Kaoru gets up for drinks, he slides into the seat next to Die. With a surprised but pleased sound, Die shuffles across the bench seat, nestling up against Kaoru's side with his head tipped onto Kaoru's shoulder. Kaoru sighs, slinging an arm around Die's shoulder, keeping him close. 

Later, nearer to closing time, they're both a bit drunker than they'd intended, standing swaying together on the sidewalk outside the bar while they wait for a cab. Die laughs his way through some stupid joke, losing the plot halfway through and never quite reaching the punchline. Kaoru smiles over at him with fond amusement. "You're an idiot," he says.

Die beams at him. "Thank you," he replies. "I know."

The cab pulls up to the curb. Kaoru leans forward, grasping the handle and pulling the door open. "Get in," he says. "I can walk home." Die stares at him for a moment, his jaw going slack. Kaoru swallows, uncertain. Suddenly, Die stumbles forward, catching Kaoru around the waist and dragging him into a hug. "Hey—"

"Thanks," Die mumbles into Kaoru's shoulder. "I needed a break."

"I know," Kaoru murmurs, rubbing Die's back. "Go home, old man, you're drunk."

Die laughs, bright and happy, his eyes shining. "Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I am. Good night, old man."

*

  
As the door swings shut, Die leans back in his seat, staring up at the ceiling. The cab driver pulls away from the curb after Die tells him his address, and he curls up against the door, his heavy eyelids drooping. It was a nice night. Wasn't it? Kaoru was exactly who he needed to see tonight.

He stumbles out onto the sidewalk when he arrives home, making his way up to his apartment. The door slams open, ricocheting off the wall. Die staggers inside, laughing and shushing the door. "Be _quiet_ ," he whispers. "It's _nighttime_." Dingy fluorescents spill in from the hall, illuminating the dark, sleepy genkan ahead. The door snaps shut behind Die with a _bang_. 

Die shuffles forward, banging into walls as he strips off his coat and almost falls out of his shoes. He makes his way into the living room with his coat trailing from one wrist, bumping his knee into the side of the kotatsu and letting out a curse. With a groan, Die drops down onto the edge of the couch and curls up on his side. 

It was a good night. The back of his throat burns, and he struggles to swallow, clenching his eyes shut. A creak catches Die's attention and he looks up in surprise to watch Toshiya's bedroom door swing open. He sniffles, rubbing his nose on the back of his hand.

The streetlights shining through the living room windows bathe Toshiya in a neon glow as he steps out of his bedroom, shutting the door behind him with a quiet _snap_. He's dressed in a pair of boxers and a sleep rumpled t-shirt, his hair fluffy and standing up in the back. He crosses the living room, dropping down beside Die. "Hey," he whispers. "Missed you tonight. How drunk are you?"

"A lot," Die mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. "I drank a lot." He sniffles again, hugging himself tight. "I needed to be." Tipping to the side, Die rests his head on Toshiya's shoulder, rocking from side to side on his temple. "I'm so _sad_ , Toshiya," he whispers, his vision blurring with tears. "I'm so _sad_ and I can't figure out _why_." 

Toshiya's arm curls around Die's waist. "Die..."

"I had such a nice night out," Die whispers. "It was so... everything was so good, kept my mind off everything without asking too many questions." Toshiya's arm twitches, tightening his grip as he drags Die closer. "I should be... I should be happier, shouldn't I?" Die scrubs a hand over his face. "I should be happy, but I'm... I'm _not_. Why?" His voice hitches, pressure building up in his throat and his forehead. His eyelids flutter shut, the wet of tears pooling around his eyelashes. 

Reaching up, Toshiya plays with the ends of Die's hair, brushing through the strands with his fingertips. It's at once comforting and makes it that much more tempting for Die to let himself cry. Toshiya's other arm winds around Die, half-dragging him over into his lap. "It's okay to not be happy all the time," he whispers.

"Will you..." Die's hand clenches in the front of Toshiya's shirt, soft and warm. "Will you stay with me? Please? Just until I fall asleep?"

"Of course I will, man," Toshiya replies softly. 

Die sighs in relief, sagging all of his weight into Toshiya's arms. Toshiya rolls onto his back so that they're curled up together on the couch, still playing with Die's hair. They talk sleepily until Die passes out. 

Pain and pressure are the first things Die becomes aware of. Other sensations filter through his consciousness: dry mouth; the lingering taste of stale, cheap beer, whisky, and death on his tongue; the throbbing in his temples that feels like an elephant doing a tap dance on his head; the stomach-lurching nausea if he so much as twitches; the sound of rain tapping against the window amplified into a rapid-fired _bam bam bam bam bam_.

He takes several deep breaths but doesn't attempt to open his eyes. If his memory serves correct, he's lying on the couch, which means he's facing the window, which means the morning light. Neither he nor Toshiya like to close the curtains at night, preferring the streetlights to spill through the windows. 

Die pulls one of the cushions over his head. It helps deaden the sound somewhat, but does little to less the sick, pounding feeling in the base of his skull. He groans, keeping his eyes shut tight. It's too early and it's _cold_.

After a moment, he risks rolling from the tight curl of his body with his knees wedged up into the back of the couch to spread out on his back. The room spins and Die gags, willing his guts to calm down again. He opens his eyes, staring at the dark fabric of the cushion through slitted lids, at equal turns cursing his miserable existence and promising the universe at large that he will never drink so much ever again.

When he's ready, Die props himself up on his elbows, letting the cushion drop to the floor. He looks around; to his surprise a glass of water and two painkillers rest on the surface of the kotatsu, just out of his reach. Die edges towards the edge of the couch, taking deep breaths and gagging down the sick feeling. 

Reaching out, he grips the edge of the table, giving a weak yank to drag it closer. Die downs the pills and drinks as much water as quickly as his unsettled stomach will allow. 

How early is it? Die's hand scrabbles across the table to scoop up his phone. The screen flashes as he lifts it up towards his face, and Die groans in dismay when he sees the time. _Six in the morning_.

Toshiya's mother is an early riser, Die recalls from her previous visits, and he levers himself up off the couch. On his way to the bathroom, he has to stop to dry heave a couple times in the hallway, but he manages to make it without any incident. After splashing cold water on his face, he drinks straight from the faucet. He's so _thirsty_.

He feels somewhat more human after washing his face and brushing his teeth. Die stares into his reflection after, his hands curled around the edge of the sink. Guilt churns in his gut. He really shouldn't have skipped out on everyone last night, but how could he make it up to them? 

"Breakfast," he mumbles aloud after a few moments' thought, his fingers clenching tighter around the edge of the sink. He can't afford to go out and buy something ready-made from that cafe Kyo likes, but he might have enough scraped together for a limited grocery run. 

Perhaps subjecting Toshiya's mother, Toshiya, and Kyo to his cooking isn't the _best_ recompense, but he doesn't have any other options. Plan in motion, Die dresses, jams a pair of sunglasses on his face, and makes his slow, shambling way to the corner market and back. 

Toshiya's mother rises first, face upturned as if following the scent of coffee burbling in the maker like a cartoon character. "Good morning," she says, coming closer. Her eyes light up as she examines the different pots cooking on the stove. "Oh, how thoughtful!"

Die smiles. "Good morning, Oba-san," he says as she continues past him out of the kitchen. "Did you sleep well?" She nods and waves as she makes her way to the bathroom. By the time everything's almost ready, Toshiya's mother is still in the shower. Wiping his hands on a towel, Die makes his way over to Toshiya's room and pushes the door open to wake his friends.

The buzzing feeling in his gut comes back, increased tenfold as his heart drops six feet. Kyo's nestled up against Toshiya's back, face buried in the nape of his neck. Their hands are twined together over Toshiya's chest. Die hesitates, knocking on the doorframe with his knuckles. Kyo grumbles, smacking his lips as he shifts closer to Toshiya.

"It's just me," Die says. "Are you actually asleep or just pretending?"

 _Nothing_. No response. Die closes the door and makes his way back to the kitchen to get their breakfast divided into different bowls. He works on autopilot, the image of Kyo and Toshiya curled together burned into his eyelids. 

While Die's finishing up, Toshiya's mother, fresh from the shower, goes to wake Toshiya and Kyo. Die ignores her loud cooing over how _cute_ they look together, his hands trembling until he tightens his grip on a pair of chopsticks and the pot handle, knuckles white. He forces all of his focus on setting all of the dishes out on the table rather than the sick, sinking feeling in his gut. It feels almost as if he swallowed an entire hive full of angry hornets.

Die sits down at a chair, resting his chin in his hand and drinking his third cup of coffee while he waits. Toshiya's mother returns first, settling next to Die with a smile. Toshiya and Kyo trail after her a few moments later, laughing and shoving at each other. Die's heart lifts at the sight of them both so _happy_. 

Hara-san raises her eyebrows. "Do I need to separate you two boys?" she asks, sounding amused. Kyo shakes his head, sinking into the empty chair across from Die. Toshiya drops down beside him, shooting his mother a bright smile. Hara-san shakes her head with a fond sigh. 

"This looks delicious, mom," Toshiya says. "Thank you!" He bows his head before he starts picking from the side dishes. Kyo echoes the sentiment, stealing things from Toshiya and sticking his tongue out when Toshiya complains. 

"Oh, I didn't make it," Hara-san replies, her eyes sparkling. 

Toshiya's head snaps up, his eyes wide as he looks over at Die for the first time since he got up. "Thanks, Die," he corrects. 

Die flinches when he feels cold, bare toes graze his ankle. He kicks out with his other foot, connecting solidly with Toshiya's shin and Toshiya tugs his foot back out of reach with a hiss. "You're welcome," Die says. "I hope it's okay... I wanted to apologize for ditching last night."

"That's fine," Toshiya says, waving a hand. "I missed you, but it's okay if you want to do your own thing. You don't have to hang out with us all the time."

"Nice night?" Kyo asks, stabbing at his fried egg with his chopsticks so the yolk spills out. "Were you with that one guy, what's his name— Jun?"

 _That creep?_ Die hunches his shoulders, his gaze dropping back to his own bowl. Does Kyo really think he'd willingly go back to that awful bastard again? "No, I was with Kaoru," he says. "We haven't spent time together, just the two of us, in a while. I had fun."

Toshiya hums. The back of Die's neck prickles and his shoulders raise even higher towards his ears as he slumps in his chair. Die remembers getting home, remembers Toshiya coming to take care of him... Anything beyond that is a blur. 

Though the meal is quiet, Kyo and Toshiya still lay it on thick. When Kyo passes Toshiya the pot of coffee to refill his cup, Toshiya leans over to kiss his cheek in thanks. Later, Kyo kisses Toshiya on the mouth, claiming Toshiya had some sauce on his upper lip. It goes unremarked upon, but Die notices Hara-san's fond smile half-hidden behind her hand as she reads the morning news on her phone. 

After breakfast, Toshiya tells everyone to get ready for the day's outing. "We're going to a couple places Kyo suggested," he says. "He said to wear comfortable shoes and a coat if it starts to rain again."

They wander through a few open markets on the way, walking around puddles pooled in dips in the cement. Kyo leads Toshiya's mother through, his hands stuffed in his hoodie pockets. He's a bit awkward, but his smiles seem genuine enough to Die, trailing several feet behind them, just out of earshot. He seems to be winning Hara-san over, despite himself. 

Die lights up another cigarette, blowing out a plume of smoke and frowning. Their plan is working; Hara-san will surely leave Toshiya alone for at least a few months after this. Isn't that enough?

Kyo's just so sweet to Hara-san, though. Die should've seen this coming, of course — Kyo's often polite at a minimum, provided the other person is at least civil. Toshiya's mother is every bit as warm, friendly, and welcoming as her son. 

Somehow Die hadn't expected this. Honestly, he hadn't even thought that far ahead. Now here it is, right in front of his face, and he can't help but wonder how it would go if Kyo ever got a chance to meet Die's mother. 

It would never happen, it's laughable to even contemplate, but even so... Would they get along? Would Kyo like his mom? 

Of course, any visit back home would also summon the other Andou children. The thought of Kyo being ambushed by his siblings leaves Die cold and cringing. They would tell Kyo twenty-two years' worth of embarrassing stories, and though Kyo would undoubtedly be uncomfortable from all the attention, he would enjoy the stories because his favourite pastime is _also_ embarrassing Die.

God. Maybe it's for the best if they never get the chance to meet after all, Die muses. He eyes the lit end of his cigarette to avoid watching Kyo's sly grin as Hara-san laughs at whatever joke he's told her. 

Toshiya falls into step beside Die, bumping their elbows together before slinging his arm around Die's shoulders. He drags Die close. Die grumbles, stumbling into his side. 

"You okay?" Toshiya asks in undertone, the quiet seriousness in his voice at odds with the amused expression on his face. The smile doesn't quite reach his eyes. 

Die's gut clenches painfully and he spends more time than perhaps necessary tapping ashes off the end of his cigarette and taking another drag. "Yeah," he says, laughing. It rings fake to his ears, but he hopes Toshiya won't call him on it. "Yeah, it's— you know, it's weird, but it's— whatever, right? It's fine! I'm fine!"

They continue to walk in silence for a few moments, following the winding path Kyo and Hara-san lead them down, through narrow alleys and between rows of stalls. "You know..." Toshiya begins hesitantly, "you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I mean..." Toshiya sighs, his fingertips digging into Die's shoulder. Die's heart dips into his gut. "I don't know how much you remember about last night, but I just want you to know I'm always here for you. Okay?"

Sucking smoke deep into his lungs so he has more time to _think_ , Die stares hard at the pavement beneath their feet. "Yeah, Toshiya," his voice comes out in a thin rasp and he turns his head away, coughing to clear his throat. "Thank you. I know." He never could lie to Toshiya, and Toshiya knows it. "I know you are. I'm okay."

By some miracle, Toshiya decides to give up because he leaves Die alone rather than keep pushing the way he usually does. They walk in companionable silence once more, pointing out interesting items for sale at the various stalls, but never stopping for a closer look. Further ahead, Kyo and Hara-san seem in deep conversation about something. 

"How do you think it's going?" Die asks, nodding towards them. 

Toshiya shrugs. Hara-san is laughing now, Kyo looking over at her with a shy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "As well as it can go," Toshiya says, after a pause. "I don't think she's bought us as a couple yet, but I don't know what more we could do to sell it to her, you know?"

Die hums, lighting up another cigarette and whining as Toshiya plucks it from between his lips. "Well, I'm sure you'll think of something, even if you are a grubby, nicotine stealing _gremlin_. Just buy your own, fuck." He shakes his hair out of his eyes as Toshiya laughs and catches Kyo glancing back at him. Die offers up a weak smile, and Kyo looks away again. "You've got chemistry with everyone, remember? Now's your chance to really lay on the charm. If not now, then when?"

Still laughing, Toshiya gives the cigarette back. "You're right," he says, clapping Die on the shoulder. Die stumbles again, teetering heavier into Toshiya's side, and Toshiya laughs harder. "Thanks, man. I'll think of something."

"Yeah, yeah," Die grumbles, his cheeks prickling with warmth. 

The first stop on Kyo's itinerary is one of his favourite shrines in the city. "It's small and not visited by as many tourists," he explains with a bashful smile, scratching at the back of his neck. "So it's usually quiet." 

Kyo leads them along the walking paths through the grove of trees around the shrine, pointing out his favourite trees and stone lanterns. "I come here when I need to think," he says. "It's peaceful."

Die looks around, tipping his head up and taking a deep breath. He can see slivers of the sky through the canopy, beams of watery sunlight filtering through the leaves and washing the still rain-damp world around them in shades of green and gold. "It's beautiful here," he murmurs, ducking his head away when he notices Kyo looking over at him.

Toshiya drags Die over to pick out talismans while Kyo and Hara-san make an offering at the shrine and pray. "Should I get one for Shin-chan?" Toshiya muses, his fingers trailing over a pretty pink omamori with a sakura pattern and white ribbon tie. "He'd like this wouldn't he? Should I get one for his dog?"

"Sure," Die says. "He'd probably just prefer one for Momo-chan, but if you want—"

"I'm getting them," Toshiya interrupts, grinning as he makes his selections.

Die glances over the rows of talismans, shrugging and picking out one for Kyo, Hara-san, and Toshiya, but also for Kaoru and a second for Shinya. "Can't have too much good luck, right?" Die asks, as Toshiya looks back over his shoulder with his eyebrows raised. 

After that, they all make their way over to purchase a fortune. Toshiya, as expected, comes out with the best luck of all of them. Kyo smiles at the promise of luck to come in the future. Die and Hara-san both scowl at their worst luck.

"What are the chances?" Die grumbles, as he and Hara-san make their way over to tie their bad fortunes up with the others. 

Laughing, Hara-san pats Die's shoulder as she makes sure her fortune is tied in a neat little knot just beneath Die's on the wire strand. "That's just the way it goes sometimes." She slips her arm through Die's, hooking them together at the elbow. "How are you, though?" she asks, looking over at him. "Really?"

Die swallows. "I'm good, Oba-san," he says. "It's hard sometimes, but I'm doing my best to keep it together."

Hara-san nods, patting the back of Die's hand. "I'm happy to hear that," she says, as Kyo and Toshiya make their way over, still talking about their fortunes. She smiles. "Where to next, boys?"

Kyo opens his mouth to speak, but Toshiya cuts him off. "Some restaurant he likes, but first," he says, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "I thought we could take a surprise detour."

Toshiya leads them away from the shrine. Kyo rushes forward to catch up to Toshiya with a confused furrow between his brows, his fortune sticking out from the back pocket of his jeans. Hara-san wiggles her eyebrows at Die, and Die ducks his head away with a laugh.

They come to a stop beside a small art gallery a couple blocks away and Toshiya throws his arms up with a victorious little trill, grinning. "Here we are!" he says. "I thought it might be cool to have a look around, since we were already in the area."

"What a good idea," Hara-san says, reaching out and tucking her other hand in the crook of Toshiya's elbow so she's bracketed by both Toshiya and Die. "Let's go have a look. I haven't been to a gallery in _years_."

As they head inside, it becomes immediately clear that the walkways are much too narrow for three people to walk side by side. Die takes a step back, waving a hand to allow Hara-san and Toshiya to walk ahead of him. "You go ahead, Oba-san," he says, smiling. "I'll catch up." Hara-san smiles, patting Toshiya's hand as she leads him further ahead. 

Glancing back over his shoulder, Die spots Kyo a few feet further back, close to the door. His hands are stuffed deep in his hoodie pockets as he looks at one of the paintings. Die waits for him, looking around at the art and photography on display. 

A flash of colour up ahead catches his attention, and he makes his way towards it, passing Toshiya and Hara-san by. After a moment, Kyo trails after him. Die comes to a halt in front of one of the paintings, leaning in close. He's seen this before, and recently. 

"Kyo did this!" He looks ahead at the next painting, a surprised laugh spilling past his lips as he recognizes that one as well. Kyo's been working on it for forever, Die remembers it propped up in the corner of Kyo's room for _months_. "And this one, too!" 

Spinning on his heel, the bright grin on his face falters as Kyo seems to almost fold in on himself even tighter, his shoulders hunching up towards his ears. Die's voice softens, quietens. "Kyo?"

Kyo rounds on Toshiya. "How did you know?" he hisses, a wash of pink rising high in his cheeks, fists clenched tight in his hoodie pockets. "I didn't— I didn't tell anybody—"

Toshiya looks smug for a fraction of a second before breaking out in a big, goofy grin. "Shinya told me."

At once, some of the tension starts to trickle out of Kyo's shoulders, and he turns his head away with a huffed laugh more air than sound. He looks back over at Toshiya with a disbelieving smile. "Fuck you," he says.

"Fuck you right back," Toshiya replies, grin broadening. 

Die watches them for a moment, his gut clenching. Why hadn't Kyo told him? He makes his way over to Hara-san, leading her deeper into the gallery while Toshiya and Kyo keep talking. Kyo shoves at Toshiya's shoulder with another laugh and Toshiya leans up against the wall next to one of Kyo's pieces, hands tucked into his pockets and a fond smile on his face. Had Kyo been embarrassed about it? Did he think Die wouldn't care? 

Hara-san stops to examine a series of photographs and Die looks back towards Kyo and Toshiya. They haven't moved. Hara-san talks about the various feelings each shot provokes in her, but the words wash over Die without registering. Has Kyo always looked at Toshiya like that? Toshiya cups Kyo's cheek in his hand, smiling and leaning in. Kyo curls his hand in the front of Toshiya's shirt, rising up on his toes to close the remaining distance between them, and kissing him.

Are... Are they even really pretending anymore? Hara-san isn't paying them any attention at all, distracted reading the little description cards next to each photo. Kyo and Toshiya seem so much closer than they ever were before, they seem to like each other much more than they ever had before. 

Die catches his lip between his teeth, crossing his arms over his chest and nodding when Hara-san looks over at him. Well, why wouldn't they get along now that they're finally spending more time together? Die's been struggling to get them to hang out for ages, and this just proves him right. Why wouldn't they be friends? They're both _great!_

Die follows after Hara-san as she leads him around the corner. He gets one last look over at Kyo and Toshiya. They're following now, but at a much slower pace and still talking and making each other laugh, their hands entwined between them. Die's gut twists uncomfortably.

That night, Kyo loiters in the bathroom doorway as Die brushes his teeth and washes his face. Toshiya and Hara-san have already finished, but Kyo's still there, still lingering. Die bends down to rinse his mouth and raises his eyebrow at Kyo's reflection in the mirror.

Without a word, Kyo pushes on Die's hip, spinning him around to pin him against the counter and presses their lips together. Die leans into it without hesitation, his knees buckling as he sinks down on the edge of the counter. His hands curl in the front of Kyo's shirt. 

He's been stuck watching Kyo kiss Toshiya for the past couple _days_ and he missed this so _much_ , more than he ever thought he would. Kyo catches Die's bottom lip between his teeth. Die makes a soft noise, high in the back of his throat. 

Humming, Kyo's hand moves from Die's hip to his inner thigh, pushing his legs open so he can step closer. His nails graze the inseam of Die's jeans as his other hand lifts to cup the nape of Die's neck. His fingers curl in Die's hair, twisting the ends of the strands around his fingertips. He sucks at the tip of Die's tongue and Die makes another noise, almost embarrassingly needy.

Kyo draws back. Before Die can even open his mouth to protest, Kyo holds Die's jaw with both hands and leans back in to kiss him once more. This time Die can't quite shake the feeling that this one feels more like a _goodbye_. Die makes a weak sound as Kyo steps away, his eyes wide and catching the light. He puts a finger to his lips and he sneaks out of the bathroom.

Die slumps further onto the counter, his heart beating like he just ran a marathon. _What the fuck was that about?_ He sits there for a few moments, staring at the half-opened door as if expecting Kyo to somehow come back for him. When he doesn't, Die shakes himself and gets up to finish his nighttime routine.

He shuts off the light without glancing at his reflection in the mirror, moving back out into the living room and dropping down onto the couch with a groan. It's quiet. He closes his eyes to the dark, breathing out as he tries to fall asleep.

Sleep doesn't come for him easily. He lies awake for what feels like hours, eyes popping back open to stare up at the lights on the ceiling ceiling every time he closes them. Die sighs, rolling over onto his side, tucking his knees up against the back of the couch, covering his face with a corner of the blanket.

A hastily stifled laugh cuts through the quiet of the apartment. Toshiya laughs again and Kyo joins in a few moments later, lower and more pleased. Die blinks, lifting his head, and 

then Toshiya moans, sudden and loud as if Kyo'd caught him by surprise. Die stares at the back of the couch, the back of his neck prickling as his heart sinks into his gut. He knew this was coming. He _knew_.

Eyes prickling, he hauls the blanket up over his head, hiding from the world and covering his ears with his hands. It doesn't do much to block out the sound of the bedframe thudding against the wall. He presses down harder. 

Die knew this was coming. Of course it was. He sniffles and clenches his eyes shut, wetness clumping his eyelashes together.

The door creaks. Peering through the gap between the blanket and the couch, Die watches with bleary eyes as Hara-san makes her way past the living room to the kitchen. He focuses his attention on her, listening as she gets a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water. She passes by a few moments later, but hesitates in the bedroom doorway as Toshiya lets out another giggle. A faint smile turns up the corner of her lips before shaking her head and going back to bed.

Somehow, Die falls into an uneasy sleep, only to startle awake what feels like mere minutes later. A hand claps over his mouth mid-yelp. Kyo leans over him with a smile. 

When Die settles, his heart still pounding in his throat, Kyo lifts his hand to press a finger to his lips. Die nods, and Kyo leans forward to kiss him. Die's brain blue screens and he melts into it, pulling Kyo closer and letting Kyo lick into his mouth. After he reboots enough to gather his thoughts, he shoves Kyo away, frowning and dragging his blanket up to cover the lower half of his face. "What—?"

Kyo curls his arms around Die's waist, dragging both him and the blanket off the couch and into his lap. Die barely has time to yelp a second time before Kyo kisses him again. Letting go of the blanket in favour of curling his arms around Kyo's shoulders, Die gasps when he feels Kyo's hard cock nudging up against his thigh.

"Toshiya wouldn't do the nasty stuff, huh?" Die asks. He laughs between kisses, a little flattered despite himself that Kyo still chose him, even if he _is_ a second choice. "I can't believe you."

"Shut up," Kyo replies, chuckling. "Lie down."

"On the _floor?_ " Die's voice cracks as he jerks away from Kyo's mouth when he tries to sway in for another kiss. 

Kyo cups Die's cheek in his hand, tipping his head back. Die's breath hitches, and Kyo's lips curve into a smile. "Yeah," he breathes. "On the floor. Doesn't squeak, but you do." He pulls a bottle of lube from his pyjama pocket, that smile stretching into a teasing grin as Die sputters. 

"You're embarrassing," Die says, his cheeks prickling with warmth. He hopes it's dark enough that Kyo won't be able to tell.

The grin on Kyo's face softens a bit, then. "That's okay," he murmurs, shifting closer to kiss Die again, sweet and lingering, his thumb stroking across Die's cheekbone. "So are you. Lie down for me so I can touch you."

Die leans back, smoothing the blanket out over the tile floor and lying back on it, blinking up at the ceiling and spreading his legs when Kyo's hands ghost along his thighs. Kyo pushes Die's clothes out of the way, kissing each patch of exposed skin until Die's trembling and breathless in anticipation of the next touch. The slick of lube is a cold shock as Kyo rubs a fingertip over his hole and Die covers his mouth to keep a whine trapped behind his teeth.

"It's okay," Kyo murmurs, starting to press inside. Turning his head, he kisses the bend of Die's knee, lips moving against his skin, "Toshiya said his mom's a heavy sleeper. I want to hear you, Die."

" _No_ ," Die hisses, "just _do it_ — ah—" He catches his lip between his teeth on a trembling exhale, head tipping back on the floor and eyelids fluttering closed. Kyo coaxes weak sounds from his throat, kissing his chest and along the side of his neck as he starts to stretch Die open.

It's been a while, so he has to go slow. Die sighs, his hand rising to cup the back of Kyo's head, fingers curled in his hair. Kyo's fingers twist, never pushing too hard. It's a smooth glide but Die's tense, clenching down more than he usually does and slow to open up, ears pricked for any sound from behind either of the closed bedroom doors. They both pause, struggling to control their breathing, staring into each other's wide eyes.

"Relax," Kyo murmurs.

Die tugs on Kyo's hair, yanking his head back. "I'm _trying_." His breath hisses out between his teeth as Kyo's fingers press into him deeper, his hips twitching off the floor. "Kiss me," he gasps. "Tell me you—" His voice flickers out to nothing as Kyo ducks his head and drags his tongue up Die's throat. Die tips his chin to catch Kyo's mouth again, licking into his mouth to muffle a high, whining moan. 

"What do you want, Die?" Kyo asks, his breath blooming hot across Die's chin. 

Die shivers, his vision blurring again. He clenches his eyes shut and shakes his head, lower lip caught between his teeth. Kyo presses back into him with three fingers and Die's body trembles. " _Fuck_ , tell me you like me. Even if it's a lie, _please_."

Kyo falters, and then he surges into the kiss, hissing between his teeth as Die tightens up around his fingers. "I like you," he whispers against Die's lips, voice so low Die almost can't hear it. "I like you."

" _Kyo_ —" Die's heart thuds against his ribs, his hands scrabbling across Kyo's back and digging his nails in. "Kyo, I _can't_ — I need you, please—"

"Easy, easy," Kyo murmurs into the kiss. "I've got you. How do you want it?"

"I don't care," Die gasps. "It doesn't matter, I just—" Kyo leans away and Die bites back a cry as Kyo's fingers slip free. He clenches down around nothing and closes his eyes, hands twisting in the blanket at either side of his body. " _Please_ —"

Kyo's warm hands curl around Die's hips. "Up, then," he says. "Roll onto your front."

Die struggles to roll over, but Kyo's right there to help him, settling Die into place and arranging his legs _just so_ at either side of Kyo's thighs. Amused, Die tips his hips up, whining at the first blunt push of Kyo's cock. Kyo's hands settle on Die's lower back, pinning him down. Die buries his face in the blanket as Kyo leans over him, fucking him deep and slow. Die lets out a soft moan, reaching back to curl his hands around the backs of Kyo's thighs, pulling him in closer until he bottoms out, pressed all the way inside him. 

" _Kyo_ ," Die sighs, hushed in the quiet. His nails dig into Kyo's skin. It feels like it's been forever since they did this last, but he knows it's only been a week. "Oh, fuck, that's good."

Kissing down Die's back, Kyo's hands smooth along his spine to curl around his waist. His fingertips tremble until he digs his nails in. Kyo's hips grind against Die's ass as Die gasps for breath, his hands dropping to curl in the blankets. At this angle, it's easy for Kyo to shift forward and fuck into him at a steady pace. They struggle to stay quiet as Kyo fucks into Die a little faster. Die gasps, shifting his weight on his knees, trying to get a hand on himself as he pushes back to meet Kyo's hips. 

It's good. It's _always_ good. Die keeps letting out these soft, hiccuping little moans with every forward push of Kyo's hips, his head spinning. It's so much, so overwhelming he doesn't know what to do. He clenches down around Kyo's cock, holding him tight like he never wants to let him go. Kyo's grip tightens, nails biting into Die's waist as he fucks him faster, a little harder. His hips slap against Die's ass. 

Something catches Die's attention and he reaches back, pushing at Kyo until he stills. His eyes pop open, lifting his head up off the blanket. It's hard to hear over the thundering of his heart in his ears, but he could've _sworn_ he'd just heard a creaking floorboard. 

Silence.

Then,

Toshiya's mother coughs. Die stops breathing, his nails digging into Kyo's thigh. Fuck.

 _Silence_.

"Go," Die whispers. "Please, go,"

and Kyo does, fucking into him again. He's more careful this time, not going too hard or fast so that their skin doesn't slap together like before. The slick sounds of lube dribbling back out of Die's body and their hitching breathing seems amplified in the quiet. Die shudders, his back bowing. Kyo groans, rubbing his hands down to grasp at Die's hips. 

"Feel good?" Kyo whispers.

Die rubs his heated cheek against the blanket, nodding. His eyelids flutter, his mouth open against the soft fabric as he pants for breath. His body rocks forward with each thrust. He can feel a bead of sweat rolling up his spine and Kyo grinds against his ass, the head of his cock nestled right up alongside his prostate. "Oh, fuck," Die whines, clenching down hard around Kyo's cock. "Oh, fuck. Not so— _god_ , not so deep, I'm going to get too loud if you do it like that."

Kyo hums, his legs trembling, fingertips digging into Die's hips as he grinds against Die's ass. Die's thighs spasm, his cock wet with precum in his hand. "I like it when you're loud."

"Shut up, you're the only one," Die groans, rocking his hips back to meet Kyo's next thrust. Kyo chuckles, low and soft, and Die collapses into the blanket to clap both hands over his mouth to muffle himself as Kyo fucks the moans and whines out of his mouth with sharp, precise little thrusts that send little stars sparkling in Die's vision. 

After, Die lies sprawled across the blanket, boneless. His knees ache, but it's _good_. Sweat cools on his skin and he shivers, nuzzling into the warm comfort of the blanket for a moment longer before pushing himself up with trembling arms. "Fuck," he whines, flopping back on his ass and stretching out his legs in front of him. He pouts. "My knees hurt."

Kyo goes quiet for a moment, watching. Die swallows, shifting on the floor. As he opens his mouth to speak, to stutter out an apology, maybe, Kyo leans forward and kisses the red patches on Die's knees. Die stares at him in the dark, at a total loss for what to do or say. It's such a sweet gesture, typical _of_ Kyo, but somehow he thought that now that Kyo has _Toshiya_ , he'd back off or stop. 

Instead, Kyo rises up on his knees, cupping Die's cheek in his hand and pressing their lips together. A pleased little shiver rustles down Die's spine and he shifts forward, pressing into the kiss and curling his arms around Kyo's shoulders. Kyo nuzzles his nose against Die's cheek before pulling away, getting to his feet and dragging Die up after him. 

"Come on," he murmurs. 

In the bathroom they get cleaned up, giggling and splashing water at each other. Die expects Kyo to go back to Toshiya. He doesn't. 

Kyo stays until morning, snuggled with Die on the couch, his face tucked into the side of Die's throat. For the first time all weekend, Die sleeps deeply, soundly, eased by the warmth of Kyo's body and the steady, calming beat of his heart. Before sunrise, Kyo leans up to kiss Die once more, his fingertips brushing through Die's hair. He does the shushing thing again before sneaking back into Toshiya's room, and Die stares at the closed door, feeling warmth pulse throughout his body. 

The snap of the door closing wakes Die up, cold and alone and almost painfully hard. _It was a dream?_ Fuck. _Of course it was._ Die clenches his eyes shut tight as Hara-san pads across the living room, heading towards the bathroom. He curls up tighter on his side, pulling the blanket up over his head as he pretends to be asleep. 

Die gets up after she's finished, headed straight for a cold shower. The water shocks him out of his spiralling thoughts, calming him down. It was just a dream. It felt so _real_ , though. Die spends longer in the shower than he might otherwise so he isn't a total basket case for the rest of the day.

It's hard, though. Kyo and Toshiya continue to be unbearably cute together, if not even _more_ now that they've been getting more and more comfortable with each other. Certainly not since they fooled around the night before. Die's stomach sinks, tucking himself into a corner of the sofa and looking away as Toshiya, Kyo and Hara-san talk together about some book they all read. 

How is he supposed to deal with this? After that _dream?_ What the fuck. How could Die not realize that's what he wants from Kyo before? Why had he spent so long _lying_ to himself about what he wants, what he's been _hoping_ for from Kyo? Now he's lost whatever chance he may have had because he'd been so scared to reach out for it. 

Swallowing back the bitterness, Die tries not to think about it, or how much it's going to hurt losing Kyo. Die digs his teeth into his lower lip, staring at his phone screen without really seeing what's on it. His gaze flicks up as Kyo and Toshiya laugh about something, talking over each other while Hara-san smiles at them indulgently. 

_Fuck_. Die's going to lose Toshiya, too. He'll lose them _both_ when they start dating for real after all this. He won't be able to stand being around them, breaking his heart every time he sees them together. He clenches his eyes shut, his chest aching. He's going to lose his two best friends.

This was such a horrible idea. What was he _thinking?_ Why did he encourage this?

That afternoon, Die leaps at the chance to go pick up their lunch takeout. Anything to get out of here, anything to get a moment alone—

"I'll come with you," Kyo offers, and Die's heart sinks. "Help carry the bags. I need to stretch my legs, anyway."

Die exhales, closing his eyes, before pasting a smile on his face. "Sure," he says. "Thanks, Kyo."

On the way there, Die bumps his arm against Kyo's. "About the gallery showing..." Kyo's shoulders tighten and Die sighs, looking away from him. "It's cool," Die continues, fiddling with one of his bracelets, spinning it around and around his wrist. The beads click together, inaudible over the passersby and traffic. "I just wanted to say that I'm really proud of you. Your art is really good."

Kyo ducks his head and stuffs his hands deeper into his pockets, but Die still sees him smile. "Thanks," he mutters. They fall silent for a while, and Die thinks that the matter's been dropped, when Kyo starts to speak again, louder. "I... I didn't want to make a big deal of it." Die looks over at him, surprised. Kyo shifts his weight from foot to foot as they halt to wait at a crosswalk. "In case it fell through, or something bad happened, you know? So I could just sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened."

"Oh," Die says. "But Shinya...?"

"He works part-time at that gallery," Kyo says, his shoulders curving forward. "He got me the opportunity in the first place, it was all his idea."

Die smiles, bumping Kyo's arm again. "I'm proud of you," he repeats.

Kyo sniffs, rubbing the back of his hand under his nose. "Yeah," he says, soft. "Thanks, Die."

On their way back, Die doesn't know what makes him reach out, but before he can stop himself, his fingertips graze Kyo's elbow. Kyo falters mid-step, glancing back at Die over his shoulder. "Everything okay?" he asks. Concern flickers across his face as something he must see in Die's expression has him turning around, and Die's stomach twists itself in knots as he stares up into Kyo's eyes. "Die?"

"I—" Die shakes his head, swallowing hard as he tips his head up to press his lips to Kyo's, and Kyo lets him. His arm curls around Die's neck, the bag of takeout still dangling from his fingers bumping up along Die's spine. Die shivers, his hand curling in Kyo's shirt at his waist, holding onto him tight as he rises up on tip-toe to close the remaining distance between them, pressing his body against Kyo's as he licks into Kyo's mouth.

He kisses Kyo with all of the pent-up frustration and longing he's been floundering under these past few days, maybe too intense for his apartment's stairwell on a Sunday afternoon. Die doesn't care, keeping the kiss sloppy and deep. _Do you even still want me?_ His grip tightens in Kyo's t-shirt, stretching the soft fabric as he whines, but

Kyo gentles it, gentles him. His hand shifts up just enough to cup Die's cheek in his hand and it feels like he's letting Die down gently, the rejection stinging like a lump in Die's throat. His thumb strokes across Die's cheekbone in a slow, lazy arc.

God, the confirmation of his fears hurts like taking a sucker punch to a kidney, and it steals Die's breath away. He draws back, dropping back down onto his step and ducking his head. "We should get back," he says, wrinkling his nose and sniffling as his voice comes out hoarse and low. "Hara-san is gonna wonder what took us so long, the restaurant's only a block away."

"Die—"

Shaking his head, Die side-steps Kyo and starts back up the stairs. At the next landing, he hesitates, managing to muster up a smile for Kyo as he looks over at him, still stalled out on the step. "Come on, let's go. Weekend's almost over."

It takes a few moments, but Kyo turns and begins to follow. "Yeah," he says softly. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Since it's her last night in town before she heads home, Hara-san goes out to visit some friends she grew up with. Kaoru and Shinya come over, bringing beer and snacks from the conbini down the block. Die sits on the couch sandwiched between them, with Kyo and Toshiya sitting on the floor on the other side of the kotatsu. That feels familiar, reminding Die of how this mess all started.

"How the _hell_ are you two even pulling this off?" Kaoru asks, snickering into a bottle of beer as he takes a sip. "You have no chemistry together."

"Fuck you," Toshiya replies, the corner of his mouth quirking. "I have chemistry with everyone, actually. Don't I, Kyo?" He digs his elbow into Kyo's ribs.

Kyo squirms with a huffed laugh. "Of course," he says, still grinning. " _Baby_."

Toshiya's eyes narrow. Reaching out, he tugs Kyo up from where he's been flicking bottle caps across the kotatsu and slaps a kiss on him. 

The second their lips touch, it gets filthy. Toshiya moans exaggeratedly at first, and then again for _real_ when Kyo goes that thing with his tongue. Die knows exactly what he's done, that weird fluttery thing that feels _amazing_. Toshiya moans again and Kyo's arms slide around Toshiya's waist, dragging him bodily closer. 

Die shifts on the couch as Toshiya's hands scrabble across Kyo's back. _Stop touching my boyfriend. Stop touching my boyfriend._ He sways forward. He has to get out of here. **_Stop_** _touching my boyfriend_. The words bubble up Die's throat. Panicked, he swallows them back at the last second, downing the last of his beer.

Fuck, he has to get out of here _now_ before he does something stupid. 

"I— I heard someone calling me, I'll— I'll be right back." Die trips over Shinya's lap as he scrambles up the back of the couch. His sock feet sting as he hits the tile floor, barely sticking the landing. He rushes for the door, hesitating just long enough to snag his sneakers from the floor, leaving his coat behind because it takes too much time to get it from the closet.

He hops down the hall, struggling to pull on his shoes and keep moving at the same time. He reaches the elevator and stabs at the button, his heart thundering in his ears. Ducking down, he finishes tugging his sneakers on over his heels, tugging at the laces without bothering to tie them and stumbling into the car when the doors open. 

The cold air has a sobering effect on him as he bursts out the doors, and he stands there for a moment, chest heaving and heart pounding in his throat. What the hell was that. Die drops down on the steps outside the door, hugging himself for warmth. He struggles to fish a pack of cigarettes from his pocket with trembling hands, lighting up and exhaling smoke into the night air. What the hell was _that?_

Kyo's not his boyfriend. Even though it hurts his heart, Kyo and Toshiya can kiss as much as they want. They can fuck if they want to. It shouldn't mean _anything_ to Die. He takes another drag, scowling. He and Kyo aren't dating. They're friends with that hook up sometimes. It doesn't mean anything.

Except... Except that it _does_ mean something, because Die wants Kyo to kiss _him_ like that in front of their friends. He wants Kyo to kiss him, but... Die's stomach clenches and he closes his eyes, resting his forehead on his knees. He wants Kyo to kiss him. He doesn't want it to be a _joke_.

Some time passes before the door swings open behind him. "I lost janken," Shinya says as he comes out, holding both his and Die's jackets in his hands. 

With a wet laugh, Die twists to smile over at him through tear-filled eyes. "Sorry, buddy," he says, patting the step beside him.

Shinya settles, frowning. "I told Toshiya he should come after you, but he and Kyo were still trying to simulate porn to make Kaoru gag. So you get me, instead." He waves his hands, an uncomfortable expression crossing his face. "Lucky."

Die smiles at him, blinking hard to try and clear his vision. Hot tears drip down his cheeks and he scrubs at his face with the hem of his shirt. He stubs out the cigarette, flapping his hands through the air to try and dissipate the smoke faster. " _Ugh_ ," he grumps, slumping forward and resting his chin on his knees. "Toshiya."

"I'm sensing some hostility," Shinya says, draping Die's jacket over his shoulders.

" _Some_ ," Die mutters. He catches his lip between his teeth. "It's just so—" He crosses his arms over his shins, gripping either side of his jacket. "It's so stupid, seeing Toshiya and Kyo all over each other. There's been this weird sick feeling in my stomach. all weekend" He stares out to the street, the cars passing by. "It's so stupid, it's so _stupid_. Kyo and I have been fucking for at _least_ a year, why did I only start catching feelings _now_ that I'm going to end up losing both Kyo _and_ Toshiya in one fell swoop?"

Shinya blinks, his eyes wide like a lost puppy, wondering why he came out here. Reaching out, he pats Die's shoulder. "That's rough, buddy." Die feels his face crumple, and Shinya's expression turns to panic. "Oh, you're _serious_ — I— _shit_. Do you want to come stay over at mine and Kaoru's tonight? We can get wasted and you can talk about Kyo all you want." The corners of his lips quirk in a faint smile. "I promise I'll even listen some of the time, how's that?"

Nodding, Die sniffles, propping his chin on Shinya's shoulder. "You're a good friend, Shin-chan," he says, and he swipes at his nose with his sleeve.

Shinya pats Die's shoulder a second time and says, "Don't tell the others — especially not Toshiya — but you're my favourite, anyway."

Die buries his face in Shinya's coat. "Don't tell the others — especially not Toshiya — but you're my favourite, too, Shin-chan." He yelps and whimpers as he feels a sharp, twisting pain in his ear and jerks away from Shinya's pinching fingers. "Be nice to me," Die whines, cupping his ear with his hand, "I'm _sensitive!_ " Shinya just laughs at him.

At Kaoru and Shinya's apartment, Die ducks down to coo over Shinya's dog, Momo. Shinya leaves him, moving further into the apartment. "What do you want," he calls back over his shoulder. "We've got Kaoru's shitty beer and wine."

"Do you want me to take my pants off?" Die asks.

"Not really?" Shinya peers back around the corner. "I take it that means no wine, then?"

Die shakes his head, laughing. "No wine, then."

Shinya heaves a sigh. "Shitty beer it is."

They drop down in the living room and Shinya plies Die with beer. Die curls up against the side of the couch, staring morosely into the bottle as it swirls around and around inside the glass. "It's just so—" He cuts himself off with a frustrated sound, chugging half the beer in a single pull. "It's so stupid. I feel so... lonely, even when they're around. It _sucks_ seeing them together because they... they look good. Like, it makes sense." He swallows hard, closing his eyes and tipping his head back on the couch cushion. "It's not fair. I know I agreed to this, I know _I_ pressured Kyo into this, but I was an idiot, actually."

a laugh bubbles up Shinya's throat. Die peers over at him and Shinya's expression twists. He turns his head away, and Die's gut sinks.

"Shinya," he murmurs, sitting up and leaning closer. "Hey, what's going on?"

Shinya's scowl deepens. Every time Die tries to shift to meet his gaze, he stubbornly turns his head further away. "It's not right, what they're doing," he mumbles finally. "What they're doing to you. It's not right." He crosses an arm over his chest, his nails digging deep into his upper arm just above the elbow. "It hurts to see them together."

Die's eyes widen. setting his beer aside, he leans forward to clumsily hug Shinya around the waist. "Shin-chan, I'm sorry—"

"Fuck off of me," Shinya grumbles, pushing at Die's face. "You're so _annoying—_ " Falling back, Die laughs, swiping his beer off the coffee table and finishing it off. The corner of Shinya's mouth quirks and he reaches down to snag another bottle for both of them from the box he has sitting by the edge of the couch.

The next few hours pass in a blur. Kaoru comes through the door some time later, several bottles deep into the night. "Ah," he says, delicately. 

"Oh, thank _god_ you're back," Shinya says, still sprawled out on the couch.

"I knew you'd be together when neither of you came back, but I guess I didn't think I'd find you both _here_ ," Kaoru says, frowning as he pushes the door shut behind him. "Everything... Ah... Okay? Did you fuckers drink all of my beer?"

A clinking of bottles. "There's one left," Shinya says. "D'you want it?"

Die blinks woefully up at him from where he's petting Momo on the floor. "My heart is _broken_ ," he says. Momo snuggles closer, tucking his cold, wet nose into the crook of Die's neck. Die squeaks, wiggling across the tile floor and petting Momo's back. "I'm _sad_. Why did I only just realize I've got feelings for Kyo _after_ he and Toshiya started fucking?"

Kaoru's expression shifts from irritated confusion to mild shock. "They're fucking?" he asks.

Shinya squawks at the same moment, his arms windmilling as he slides off the edge of the couch to land in an elegantly crumpled heap on the floor. " _Excuse me?_ They're _what_ now?"

"Last night," Die says, and his voice wobbles. His throat hurts. He's been crying so much lately, and he's getting so sick of it. Pressure builds up between his eyebrows and he frowns. "I heard them messing around, and—" He sucks in a trembling breath and covers his face with his hands. "Fuck, what am I supposed to do now? I've lost both of them."

"...Ah, fuck," Kaoru sighs. 

A harsh slap rings through the apartment, followed by a loud thump and rattling of glass bottles. Die startles, peering between his fingers. Kaoru stands above him with his hands still clasped together. Shinya's rolled halfway underneath the coffee table. 

"Get up," Kaoru says. "Both of you."

He, Shinya, and Die sit up in the living room and talk late into the night. Die sits with a box of tissues cradled in his lap, blowing his nose every so often. Everything seems to run into itself. He can't fully parse what Kaoru's saying, but he and Shinya both commiserate and find some sort of camaraderie — more than Die expected they would, even. Shinya _really_ doesn't like Toshiya and Kyo hurting him like this.

"They should know better," Shinya keeps grumbling, arms crossed over his chest. He'd changed into his pyjamas, a fleece onesie with bunny ears that looks absolutely adorable on him. "It's not like you're _subtle_ , Die."

Die frowns. "Hey, I can be subtle!" His frown deepens. "Sometimes! I didn't even know I had feelings, cut me some slack!"

Kaoru snorts, reaching over and scratching behind Momo's ears. "Time for bed, I think." 

He drags Die into his room and pushes him down in the bed, leaving him there to make sure Shinya's taken care of. Die sprawls on his back across the mattress, staring up at the ceiling. He misses Kyo. 

When Kaoru comes back, he settles down next to Die. He sighs heavily, but lets Die snuggle up against his side. To his relief, Die passes out almost as soon as he tucks his head into the crook of Kaoru's shoulder.

In the morning, Die wakes with a terrible pounding headache and nausea reminiscent of the day before. He groans, pressing closer to Kyo's side... and then he blinks. No. No, not Kyo. Kaoru. Die struggles to swallow past the lump in his throat. God, why had he reacted to Kyo and Toshiya like that? There's no way they won't know something's wrong with him now.

At least Kaoru and Shinya took care of him. He closes his eyes, breathing out slowly through his nose. He doesn't remember much of the night before after they arrived. Beer and stinky dog snuggles, mainly. 

"Hey." Die looks up, surprised to see Shinya hovering in the doorway. He looks tired, his onesie rumpled and his hair mussed on one side. "I made coffee."

Kaoru grunts, shifting against Die's side. "Breakfast?" he asks.

"That too," Shinya replies. "Get up."

In the kitchen, Kaoru leans over the kitchen table. Momo curls up at his feet, soft golden fur almost matching his leopard print pyjama bottoms exactly. "You need to talk to Kyo if you want more. _And_ ," he raises his eyebrows at Die over his cup of coffee, "you won't know what Kyo wants unless you actually talk to him."

Die squirms in his seat, his stomach churning with nerves. "You're right, old man," he mumbles.

"Yeah," Kaoru says. "Yeah, I fucking am. Communication," he makes an exaggerated expression of surprise. "What a fucking concept."

Shinya pats Die's shoulder, passing over a cup of coffee and greasy breakfast hangover food that he picked up from the conbini when he took Momo out for his morning walk. "It will help," he says. "I think you'd be surprised."

Die holds the coffee cup in both hands, staring down into its murky depths. "Am I still your favourite?" His voice comes out small, thin and warbling.

Eyes narrowing, Shinya nods once. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see! sorry buds, i moved a week ago so things have been a little wild. i can't make any promises about future updates lmao but i'll do my best ♥ i hope you liked it/it was worth the wait? oh gosh


	6. interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had notes but they got deleted heyo - nothing really to warn for, sexual content, some Feelings, and secondhand embarrassment

They rest together for a moment, Kyo half-collapsed forward with the side of his face squished into Die's shoulder. Die's heart thunders in his ears, chest heaving as he struggles to catch his breath. He keeps his eyes closed tight and his arms wrapped tight around Kyo's waist so that he can't move too far away. Kyo doesn't seem to have any intention of going anywhere just yet, running his hands over Die's sweat-damp skin in long, soothing passes that have Die melting into the mattress, boneless.

A breath hisses between Die's teeth as Kyo starts to sit up, his cock slipping out. Kyo falters, his hands curling around the backs of Die's thighs. "You okay?" he asks, his voice low and soft.

Die licks his lips and nods, blinking his eyes open. The room is still dark, light shining in through the window, but more than enough to see by. He reaches up to trace the side of Kyo's face, his piercings glinting in the flashing neon lights of the sign across the street. "That was good," he murmurs.

Kyo smiles, the muscles moving beneath Die's fingertips. "It was," he agrees, leaning down for a kiss. He pulls away, sliding off the edge of the bed and padding across the room to open the door.

Letting his hand fall to curl in the sheets by his head, Die stares up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. His other hand creeps down between his splayed legs, fingertips playing absently in and out of his hole. More lube dribbles out across his skin and he shudders at how stretched and _open_ he feels, catching his lip between his teeth. Nothing else compares to this feeling. _Nothing_. He pushes his fingers in a little deeper, arching his back. Maybe Kyo will be up for another round before he leaves? _Maybe—_

Die crashes back down to reality when he hears, slightly muffled through the half-closed door, Kyo's voice.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey," Toshiya replies.

Die's eyes go wide, his stomach plummeting thirty feet to splatter across the sidewalk outside his apartment building. _What the fuck_? God, Die didn't know Toshiya was even _home_ and Kyo was completely naked when he left the room, oh my _god_ , _what the fuck_. Toshiya sounded so casual. That's so weird. This is so _weird_. What the fuck!

A few seconds later Die hears them greet each other again, and Kyo comes back into the room, closing the door behind him. He licks his lips and grins a little as his gaze falls over Die's body, still sprawled out with his fingers half-stuffed inside himself. "Fuck," Kyo says, twisting the damp cloth between his hands. "Wow. Don't stop on my account."

Die's cheeks prickle with warmth and he pulls his hand free, curling up on his side, burying his face in a pillow. "Oh, fuck," he mutters. "Maybe you should just—" _Leave me here to die of embarrassment alone._

"No, no," Kyo says, climbing up onto the bed. He walks over to Die on his knees, and when Die looks up at him, his face is gentler than he expects, with only a hint of teasing. "Let me help clean you up, at least." He holds up the cloth, smiling. "It's still warm and everything." 

Hesitantly, Die spreads his legs again and lets Kyo wipe up the mess. The cloth _is_ warm, and soft, though it leaves him cold almost as soon as Kyo moves to clean somewhere else. Die shivers.

"Do you have a different set of sheets?" Kyo asks, leaning over Die to hang the cloth over the back of the desk chair beside the bed to dry. Shrugging, Die points towards the closet. Kyo smiles, ducking down to kiss him again before getting up and crossing the room to the closet.

Die stares after him in mute disbelief, his mouth hanging open. He knows Kyo's nice, but he didn't ever expect him to be _this_ nice. Die doesn't know what to do with it. This feels so different compared to the usual one night stands of his past, but it isn't really like his first (and only) boyfriend, either. He doesn't have anything else to compare Kyo _to_ , and it's so confusing. He keeps waiting for the rug to get yanked out from underneath him, and the stress of anticipation leaves him tense and trembling. He'll have to get the jump on it, ask Kyo to leave before he has a chance to say he's leaving. It might not make the rejection hurt any less, but it should make it easier to deal with if he's in control. 

Together they work to strip the bed and make it up again in the fresh, if wrinkled, sheets. Die pulls on a new pair of underwear and scoops up a shirt from the floor as Kyo, still naked, drops back down onto the bed with a pleased groan, limbs akimbo. The corner of Die's mouth quirks and he leaves him there to starfish for the moment, stepping out into the living room. 

Toshiya has set up camp out on the couch, playing something on Die's Switch. He seems to have been there a while, empty beer bottles and a couple of greasy take-out containers scattered across the surface of the kotatsu. There's a slight furrow between his brows as he concentrates, scowling at the screen.

"Hey, did you even ask to borrow that?" Die asks.

"Nope," Toshiya says without looking up, "and I'm fucking up your island in Animal Crossing because you're so fucking noisy."

"...That's fair," Die replies, heading towards the bathroom to brush his teeth. He stretches his arms up over his head with a yawn. It's getting late, he might as well get ready for bed. "When did you get back?"

Toshiya shrugs. "I don't know, sometime after you started begging Kyo to fuck you harder."

Die halts in the middle of the hallway. "I didn't—" he stutters, turning around. Toshiya doesn't look up from the console screen. "I _wasn't—_ " Die stops again. A headache begins to pulse just behind his eyebrow and he scrubs his fingertips over it with a frown. He huffs. "Fine, whatever. I'm sorry for being so loud. I'll try to be quieter next time."

Finally, Toshiya lifts his head, peering at Die over the back of the couch. "I'm just teasing you," he says, and a pair of earbuds dangle from the cord draped over his palm. "I had these, I could barely hear you anyway." He smiles. "I'm planting flowers and making waterfalls. Your terraforming skills _suck_ , dude. There's just weeds and branches everywhere. Where's the artistry? Where's the _vision?_ "

"Oh," Die mumbles, twisting the hem of his shirt in his other hand. "Yeah, I know. Thank you." 

Die spins back around and rushes into the bathroom, closing the door behind him to the sound of Toshiya's laughter. He brushes his teeth and washes his face, making a pitstop in the kitchen for a glass of water. By the time he gets back to his room, Kyo's fast asleep in his bed.

 _Oh_. Die falters, setting the water glass down on the edge of his dresser. His shoulders slump. He really _should_ ask Kyo to leave; he hadn't anticipated the possibility of Kyo spending the night. He really doesn't want anything serious right now.

Die licks his lips, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Kyo's lying on his back, one hand resting low on his belly beneath the sheets and the other flung up over his head on the pillow. He looks so comfortable now, settled in, and Die would hate to wake him up just to tell him to leave. Well... One night won't change anything.

Die sinks down onto the bed and curls up on his side under the sheet. He doesn't _love_ sleeping alone, anyway. Some nights he even gets up to sleep in Toshiya's room with him, instead. Kyo rolls onto his side as Die settles, snuggling up against Die's back with a sigh. Die closes his eyes as Kyo's arm curls around his waist, a warm and comforting weight.

He wakes in the middle of the night when he hears Kyo getting up. Die slits his eyes open, watching Kyo stumbling around the room, picking up and discarding clothes from the floor until he finds his own. Gut sinking, Die curls up tighter on the bed. 

Oh, here it is. Here's the other shoe he's been expecting to drop. Kyo's going to sneak off and probably never going to talk to Die again, like those other guys. 

Which is okay. It's okay. He _expected_ this. Kyo just took longer to get tired of him than the others, it's _fine_. Die closes his eyes as the door opens and shuts behind Kyo. He doesn't want anything serious anyway. He's not ready to be vulnerable like that again, not right now. Still, the thought stings more than he thought it would. He knew this was coming, it was just a matter of time...

But to his surprise, Kyo comes right back, dressed only in his boxers, the rest of his clothes loosely folded under his arm. He leaves the clothes in a stack by the door and climbs into bed, falling into place behind Die. Die startles at a brush of lips over the back of his neck, and Kyo huffs a laugh.

"I _knew_ you were awake."

Die's cheeks flood with warmth. "Shut up," he whispers, rubbing his face against his pillow and fighting back a grin. "I thought you were sneaking off. Go back to sleep." Kyo hums, kissing Die's nape a second time, before pressing his forehead between Die's shoulder blades. Die falls back to sleep like that, all tangled up together and warm. 

In the morning, Kyo's still there. He hasn't sneaked off while he had a chance. On the contrary, he leans over to kiss Die good morning. His breath is stale but less terrible than Die expects. "I used your toothbrush last night when I got up," he mumbles against Die's mouth. "Is that okay?"

Die recoils, pulling a face. " _Gross_ ," he mutters. "No. Don't ever do that again, what the fuck." Kyo laughs, bright and happy. He leans in to kiss Die again, sweet and slow, and Die lets him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello! i think this fic is gonna end up 10 chapters total, but i'm leaving it at 8 for now because i might cut one of the interludes. i hope you're all doing well - i'm not sure if i'll see you again before the end of the year. if not, happy holidays, happy new year. stay safe and take care of yourselves. ok bye


	7. kyo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing really to warn for! the aftermath of toshiya's plan, many sads and misunderstandings.

The door swings shut behind Kyo. He turns his head left and right, stuffing his feet into his boots without zipping them up and stumbling forward as he sees a flash of red hair disappear around the corner. Kyo gives chase. "Die!" he calls. "Wait up, where are you going?"

At the sound of Kyo's voice, Die puts on a burst of speed, his feet soundless on the carpet. The apartment hallways seem to stretch on and on for miles. Every time Kyo calls after Die, trying to coax him to stop, he runs faster. The only time he hesitates at all is at the door to the stairs, pausing just long enough to wrench it open and slip through.

Heart pounding in his throat, Kyo races after him. He doesn't want to lose him. He can't lose him. By the time Kyo gets to the door, Die's already two floors away. God, he didn't realize the building was so _big_. "Die," he pants out, gripping the stair rail and jumping down half-flights of stairs, spiralling ever downwards. "Die, wait up—"

He's gaining on him. Die's a floor down. Less. Kyo's fingers close around Die's wrist, pulling him to a halt in the middle of a landing. Die fights against Kyo's hold, his eyes bright and catching the fluorescent emergency lights in the stairwell. Kyo's heart thuds against his ribs, fierce and desperate. _Thump-thump-thump-thump_.

"Let me go," Die's voice comes out on a sob and Kyo almost drops him as if he'd been burned. His hold loosens and Die starts to draw away, but Kyo catches onto him again. "Kyo, please, it hurts. It _hurts_ , please let me go."

"Why?" Kyo demands, stepping closer, reaching up with his other hand and touching Die's cheek. "Just tell me why."

Die cringes away, his hair falling into his face but not before Kyo can see the tears streaming down his cheeks. _Thump-thump_. His breath hitches on another sob and Kyo's heart shatters. "Because that should be me, not him," Die whispers, and his voice breaks. "I want it to be _me_."

"Fuck," Kyo mutters, stepping closer. "Die, please— fuck, I'm so _stupid_ , I should've realized, I—" he reaches out again, cupping Die's cheek in his hand. _Thump-thump._ "I'm so sorry I ever made you feel that way. I don't want him, I want _you_. I thought you knew that. I thought you didn't want _me_."

"What?" Die asks miserably, and the next thing Kyo knows, Die's dragged him over to the steps, dropping down until they're closer in height and leaning in to press their mouths together. It's wet and salty and he tastes like beer, but Kyo clings to him like he's a lifeline. "You're all I've ever wanted," Die whispers between kisses.

Kyo closes his eyes, cupping the back of Die's head in his hand, twisting those soft red and black strands around his fingers. "You kept saying over and over that you didn't even want a relationship," he says. "I thought— I was trying to be what I thought you wanted." Die shakes his head, interrupting him with another kiss, and Kyo lets him, helpless and caught in his undertow. "I think I'm in love with you," Kyo admits, his heart pounding in his throat.

Die makes another weak sound, dragging Kyo closer until Kyo wobbles on the edge of the landing. "I love you too," he whispers. "Please, I— I need you, Kyo. You're all I want."

"I'm right here," Kyo says, tightening his hold around Die. "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. Come on, come back with me. Let's make Toshiya sleep on the couch tonight, huh? See how he likes it." Die huffs a laugh, bright and hitching, and Kyo's heart soars. He laces their fingers together and Die lets Kyo drag him back up the stairs, falling through the door and into bed. Kyo curls around Die, holding him close.

With reaffirming touches and searing kisses, Die's breath catches high in the back of his throat, voice breaking on a moan instead of tears. They fall asleep in a tangled mess, so close Kyo's not sure where he ends and Die begins, and it's _perfect_. It's how they should have been all this time.

When Die tries to wiggle out of his hold in the morning, Kyo tugs him back into his arms. His lips move against Die's shoulder, murmuring, "Not yet."

"You're so _weird_ ," Toshiya grumbles.

Kyo goes cold, his arms going limp at once. Through slitted eyes, he watches Toshiya get up from the bed and leave the room. He rolls onto his back, blinking his eyes open and staring up at the ceiling. _Well, fuck_. 

It was a dream. He should've known; there's no way Die would ever forgive him so easily. Kyo rubs his palm across his chest, but he doesn't have much time to reflect because the door swings open again.

Toshiya hovers in the doorway, anxiety rolling off him in waves similar to when they went to pick up his mother from the train station. "Die hasn't come back yet."

Kyo's stomach drops. He bolts up in bed, shivering in the cool morning air and dragging the blanket up around his shoulders. The night before, Die ran out with some bullshit excuse and Shinya went after him, promising to be right back. They'd let him go without a fight, too caught up in teasing Kaoru to really notice, but Die and Shinya just... never returned. Any message Kyo sent to Die went ignored, and Kyo had tried to shrug it off, to laugh and spend time with his friends.

He'd almost managed it, enough to sleep, anyway. Though really, how well had he done? He dreamt about Die forgiving and taking him back all night.

Turning away from Toshiya, he grabs his phone from where it's charging on the edge of Toshiya's desk. No new messages. Kyo frowns, messaging Die again.

Nothing. Not even left on read.

Heart sinking to join his stomach, Kyo sets his phone down in his lap. Toshiya flops backward onto the bed with a groan, stretching his arms up over his head, his elbow grazing Kyo's side. Kyo nudges him back. "Should we be more worried?" he asks.

Toshiya blinks. "Maybe," he says, and rolls away from Kyo to get his phone from the bedside table. Kyo watches over his shoulder as he pulls up a chat with Shinya, asking about what happened last night. After a moment, to both Toshiya's and Kyo's surprise, Shinya actually responds:

  
  


**Shinya:** Yes, Die's here with me. I'm angry at both of you.  
**Shinya:** Don't message me again.

  
  


Kyo's mouth goes dry. He tugs the blanket tighter around his shoulders, trying to fight away the sick, prickling feeling crawling across his skin. If _Shinya's_ pissed off at them... God, they really fucked up, then. Die must have known they were just joking and playing around, though, right? Fuck, what if he thought it was for real? "What have we _done?_ " Kyo groans, pulling the blanket up over his head and folding forward.

"I'm texting Kaoru," Toshiya says. After a moment, he nudges Kyo's side, and Kyo stops trying to smother himself in the bedding to peer through a fold in the blankets and read:

  
  


**Toshiya:** shin-chan said he's mad, what happened?  
**Kaoru:** die stayed here last night. you two really fucked things up, huh? i'm staying out of it, i don't want to get caught in the middle of this shit.  
**Kaoru:** you broke it, you fix it.

  
  


Catching his lip between his teeth, Toshiya sends another message to Die. Kyo leans over his shoulder, watching him type: _please come home._ Die doesn't respond. He doesn't even _read_ it. Toshiya shoves his phone aside, slipping his arm around Kyo's shoulders and giving him a one-armed hug. Kyo lets him, his stomach writhing like he'd swallowed a dozen snakes in his sleep and now they're all coming awake, too.

"He'll come around, okay?" Toshiya whispers. "It'll be okay. He just needs to cool down, you know Die. Sometimes it's too much and he needs a break to get his head on right."

Kyo closes his eyes. It sounds like Toshiya's trying to convince himself about this more than Kyo, but he nods anyway. "Sure."

They hide out in Toshiya's room until they hear his mother beginning to stir in the other room. Kyo stays in his pyjamas, pulling a hoodie over his sleep shirt and stuffing his hands into his sweatpants pockets. He curls up on the couch in his usual spot, head flopped back on the couch cushion as he stares up at the ceiling, watching Toshiya fidget out the corner of his eye.

"I'll— I'll go get something for us," he offers, smiling and bowing his head as his mother presses a few bills into his hand. "Just coffee, not breakfast— I want to wait for Die to get back, if that's okay with you. So we'll all go together." Toshiya hesitates next to the couch, his fingertips pressed into Kyo's arm above the elbow. "Stay here, in case— I don't know, maybe he'll call." Kyo nods. A look of relief crosses Toshiya's face, and he makes his way out of the apartment.

Hara-san comes over to settle on the couch near Kyo, close but not too close. "Seems like it might rain again today," she says. Kyo hums in response, blinking up at the ceiling. Though he tries to make an attempt at conversation, it's so hard to focus on small-talk when all he can think about is Die. Eventually Hara-san seems to realize his heart's not in chatting with her, and goes back to reading the news on her phone, leaving Kyo to his spiralling thoughts alone.

Toshiya comes back with coffee for everyone, including Die. He sits on the couch between his mother and Kyo, sipping from his cup and talking to his mother about bullshit things that don't even matter. Kyo curls up tighter, clutching the cup in his hands. The coffee's bitter; Toshiya forgot to add sugar this time. It suits Kyo's mood just fine.

An hour later, the front door opens and Die steps inside, slightly dampened from the rain. He's pale, obviously hungover, and looks like he barely slept the night before. He waves to Toshiya's mother when she calls out to him, offering up a smile. "Sorry for disappearing on you again," he says, bowing his head and ducking down to slip off his sneakers. "I wanted to spend some time with Shinya." With that, he disappears into the bathroom. After a moment, the shower switches on.

Kyo gets up, moving to Toshiya's room and sprawling out on the bed. Die didn't even _look_ at him. God. Worry eats away at his abdomen until he feels hollowed out like an echo chamber. This is going to be harder than he thought, and Die's not going to be anywhere near as easy to placate as he'd been in the dream. Toshiya trails after him, dropping down on the mattress and curling up on his side.

"Any bright ideas about how we could fix this?" Kyo mumbles.

"I was hoping you might pull some huge, dramatic confession out of your ass," Toshiya replies.

Kyo heaves a sigh. "Keep hoping," he says.

They lie in contemplative silence for several minutes. With each second that ticks past, Kyo's very skin seems to fit smaller and smaller like trying to wear someone else's clothes. He rolls over onto his stomach, burying his face in the blankets and groaning.

Toshiya nudges Kyo in the ribs again. "You better not be smothering yourself right now," he says. "That's _not_ what I meant when I said dramatic."

The shower shuts off. Kyo pushes himself up, scrubbing a hand over his face. "D'you think that'd even work?" he asks. Toshiya shakes his head and frowns, and Kyo sighs again. "Yeah, me neither." By the time they get up from the bed, Kyo finds Die sitting on the couch in the living room, dressed in clean clothes and a towel slung around his neck to catch any drips from his still damp hair.

"Hey," Kyo says, and Die flinches. Kyo doesn't think his heart can sink any lower. Maybe Die hadn't even realized that Kyo and Toshiya were there when he arrived home, so distracted by Hara-san's enthusiastic greeting. 

After a moment, Die pastes a smile on his face. It _almost_ looks real. Kyo's gut churns, twisted up in knots. He has to be able to fix this. He _has_ to. If this stupid weekend has proven anything to him, it's that he wants to be with Die after all this is over. He won't let Toshiya's bullshit scheme ruin everything. He _won't_ let this be the reason he loses Die.

Kyo hesitates for a moment before throwing himself down onto the couch. Die smiles and even lets Kyo lean over and bump their shoulders together without pulling away. His smile even looks genuine. Kyo doesn't know what to do. 

Laughing, Toshiya reaches out to ruffle Die's drying hair, and Die jerks out of the way, bumping into Kyo's side. Despite himself, Kyo curls his arm around Die's waist and breathes him in. He smells warm and homey, familiar and everything Kyo's been missing this entire weekend. Die relaxes into Kyo's hold, play-fighting with Toshiya, both of them laughing and mocking each other.

Die seems like he's _okay_. Kyo relaxes into the couch. They can fix this. It's not going to be fucked forever. They'll figure it out, and—

His elbow grazes something hard and his arm digs into Die's ribs as he reaches between the cushions. His fingers close around a hard, smooth surface and he pulls Die's phone out from where it had gotten buried in the couch the night before. He hadn't had it on him the whole night. No wonder he hadn't replied!

God... if he'd had it, _would_ he have replied? The screen flashes with Kyo's and Toshiya's missed messages on the screen as he passes the device over to Die, and his gut churns with embarrassment. He wishes he could delete them, so that Die wouldn't have to see how pathetic he was.

They decide to go out for one last breakfast all together. Toshiya's mother will be leaving soon after. As their last chance to sell their relationship and make all this trouble worth it, Kyo snuggles up to Toshiya's side. They bicker and laugh as they steal each other's food, sneaking kisses and teasing one another. Die goes pale and looks away.

Kyo's gut twists, the guilt welling up inside him. No. This is so fucking stupid. He can't let himself keep making the same mistakes.

" _Stop it_ ," he says, pushing Toshiya away. "Stop, I can't— Hara-san, there's something I need to tell you—"

" _Kyo_ ," Die hisses, his eyes wide and wet and wild. He kicks out at Kyo's shin under the table and Kyo jerks in his seat, hissing at the sudden sharp pain. "Please, don't—"

Kyo swallows, staring at Die. Slowly, he shakes his head. "Hara-san," he says, his eyes darting towards Toshiya's mother. "There's something important that I need to tell you. This has gone on far too long and I can't let it for a second more. Toshiya and I—"

"We're not actually together," Toshiya blurts.

Hara-san looks between her son and Kyo with an unreadable expression for so long that all three of them start to shift uncomfortably in their seats. She doesn't say anything for a long moment, and then she starts to laugh. She sounds exactly like Toshiya when he thinks he's pulled off the prank of the century. "I knew from the beginning that you weren't a couple," she says. "It was cute that you kept it up for so long. I didn't have the heart to say anything when you were both trying so hard!"

Toshiya's mouth drops open.

"First, Kyo," Hara-san says, looking over at him. "It was a pleasure to meet you, and I hope that we can continue to be friends. You seem like a very kind young man, in what time we've spent together." She taps her fingers along the handle of her coffee cup. "Please don't _ever_ lie to me again."

Kyo bows his head, swallowing hard. "I won't," he says. "I'm sorry, Hara-san."

Hara-san hums. "Die." She turns in her seat to face Die, patting the back of his hand. "Oh, my sweet boy." She gives him a sad smile, taking hold of his hand and holding it between both of hers. "I truly hope that you and Kyo figure out whatever it is you're doing together." Die blinks at her, all the colour drained from his face. "I'm so sorry if I ever gave you the impression that you needed to hide this part of yourself from me." She holds his hand tighter, looking into his eyes. "I love and accept you. Nothing will change that, least of all because of who you love." Die shrinks back and Hara-san tilts her head to the side. "Please find some happiness. Don't settle for anything less."

"And _you_ ," she adds, turning towards Toshiya. Reaching across the table, she pats Toshiya's cheek. "Message received. I'll stop setting you up on dates — I only want you to be _happy_ and cared for." She sighs heavily, her hand sliding down to take Toshiya's. He laces their fingers together at once, as if it were a reflex, and she smiles. "I understand that times have changed from when I was your age. Expectations are different for young people today. You don't have to settle down and have children at twenty anymore."

Toshiya manages to close his mouth, only for it to fall open again as he speaks, "Mom, I—" he looks away. "I'm sorry."

The corner of her mouth quirks. "I'm sorry, too," she says. "But if you ever change your mind, I know a _great_ guy who lives up the block that could be a _fantastic_ match, now that I know that your dating pool has expanded so much! How fortunate!"

Throwing his head back and yanking his hand free, Toshiya groans. " _Mooom_ , please, the people you set me up with are the _worst_ —"

Delighted, Hara-san laughs and laughs. Kyo shifts his attention back to Die. He sits slumped in his chair with his arms crossed tight over his chest, still pale and staring at the tabletop with his lip caught between his teeth.

Toshiya and his mother go off to the train station together, leaving Die and Kyo alone after everything's said and done. Kyo trails after Die back to his apartment like a lost duckling, hands shoved into his pockets and trying to sort out what he wants to say. Die doesn't seem to care about Kyo's presence one way or another. Kyo's gut churns.

When they arrive, Die makes a beeline straight for his room. Kyo helps him strip the mattress and then sits down on the end of it, watching as Die's personality blossoms anew with each item he brings out of hiding from under the bed and tucked away in drawers and stashed in the closet. He picks up Kyo's piercing jewelry from the top of his dresser and drops it into Kyo's hand. "Here," he says. "Hope they all still fit after all this bullshit."

Kyo traces his fingers over the metal cupped in his palm, considering. "D'you think I should put them back in?" he asks.

Die doesn't look over at him, preoccupied with reorganizing picture frames along the top of his dresser, angling them so they're more easily visible from the bed. Each photo is of his friends: one of Die and Toshiya; another with Shinya, caught in between them mid-eye roll; another with Kaoru catching Die in a headlock, both of them beaming at the camera; a final one of the five of them after some dumb party, dressed in Halloween costumes and drunk, hanging off each other and laughing. "You can do whatever you want," Die says.

 _Fuck_. Kyo struggles with the jewelry. Most of the pieces go back into place, though not without pain and blood that makes Die recoil from him even more. The eyebrow is a lost cause. "Shit," he mutters. "Think it'll leave a sexy scar, at least?"

"Probably?" Die says, still distracted. His phone buzzes where it charges on the dresser beside him and he scoops it up into his hand. "Hello?" he says, walking out of the room. "Hey! What d'you— what?" Kyo drops back onto the mattress, staring up at the ceiling. "Oh, _shit_ , wait. Are you for real? That's— I completely forgot! Yes, of course, I'm still coming," comes Die's voice, muffled from the living room. "Shut up! I promised that I'd help set up, didn't I?"

Rising up on his elbows on the bare mattress, Kyo looks around Die's bedroom, taking things in. His own art hanging up on the walls, half-assed sketches and stupid doodles he'd ripped out of his sketchbooks and given to Die when he'd asked for them; movie posters and 80s hair metal bands with sexy androgynous men; the red guitar leaning up against the side of Die's desk by the closet; the clothes spilling out of the open closet door and onto the floor; empty fancy alcohol bottles, game cases, cds, guitar picks, sunglasses, tubes of lip balm, and packs of cigarettes litter every remaining surface. Kyo breathes out. 

A few minutes later, Die walks back into the room, rolling his eyes as he sets his work and school bags down on his desk. He starts piling different items into each, muttering something under his breath too quiet for Kyo to hear.

Kyo's heart feels almost too big for his chest all of a sudden, prying at the bars of his ribcage as if it could break out of its prison to burrow into Die's chest, instead. He gets up, making his way around the bed, and touches Die's shoulder. Die turns his head to look at him and Kyo rises up on his toes, leaning in to press their mouths together.

Die makes a surprised sound and turns to face him, cupping Kyo's cheek and pulling him closer. His mouth is so soft, opening and welcoming him in. _God_ , Kyo's missed this. He licks deeper into Die's mouth, sliding alongside his tongue. His hand slips from Die's shoulder to follow the path of Die's spine, fingers catching at his hip bone and gripping tightly. Die gasps and Kyo takes the chance to suck on the tip of his tongue.

They break apart and stare at each other for a second, breathing heavily.

Kyo steps closer, brushing his fingers through Die's hair. "Die, I—" _Love you. I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. Please, please let me._

Die looks into Kyo's eyes, trying to smile even as his hand slips down the side of Kyo's neck to his chest. He pushes before Kyo can lean back in to kiss him again and Kyo backs up a step. A thin fracture cracks across the surface of Kyo's heart like a bolt of lightning. Die's smile falters. He ducks his head, hiding behind his hair. "I don't have time right now, okay?" He turns back towards his desk. "I have to get ready to go to work."

"Okay," Kyo says, backing up another step. At the door he falters, watching Die for a moment. Die stands at his desk, his hand clenched around the edge of his desk.

Kyo can take a hint. He goes out to the living room to sit on the couch, chewing on his sore lip ring and staring at his phone screen without seeing it. Should he go home? Die clearly doesn't want him around, but Kyo doesn't want to leave without at least _trying_ to patch things up. 

Before he can come to any sort of conclusion, Die passes by with both bags in his hands, heading for the bathroom. He's dressed in his work uniform again, and it strikes Kyo anew how _good_ he looks... Not that he doesn't usually look good, it's just so different from what Kyo's used to seeing him in, and the black makes the red in his hair that much more striking.

The front door creaks as it opens and Kyo whips his head around, but it's only Toshiya coming home from dropping his mother off at the train station. _Oh_. Toshiya toes off his shoes and Kyo relaxes back into the cushion, chewing on the corner of his lip again. Toshiya makes his way over, dropping down onto the couch next to Kyo with a groan.

"Gross, your lip's bleeding," Toshiya says.

Kyo grunts in response, swiping at his chin on the back of his hand. It comes away bloody and he scowls, turning his attention back to his phone. His roommates sent him a series of emojis the night before, asking when he's coming back.

"So where's your _boooyfriend_ , then?" Toshiya asks teasingly.

 _See? Look how much your cactus misses you, Kyo!_ Takumi wrote, along with a photo of said cactus, sitting on the same table next to the door, as unchanged as ever. Kyo should go home. He doesn't look away from the chat, but he can see Toshiya grinning at him out the corner of his eye. "Bathroom," he intones, just as the bathroom door opens.

A pause.

Kyo glances back over his shoulder.

Die's standing in the hallway, staring back at Kyo and Toshiya sitting on the couch together. Kyo sees a flash of genuine hurt on Die's face before Die huffs, crossing his arms over his chest and laughing, "So that's how it's going to be now? You both fucking with me even more?" he asks, a fake grin spread across his face. "Fuck you, I have to go to work anyway." He picks up his bags, shoves his feet into his boots and leaves.

"Die, wait—!" Toshiya yelps, jumping over the back of the couch. Die raises a middle finger over his shoulder before the door swings shut behind him. Kyo sinks into the couch, his brow furrowing, before he gets up and follows. 

By the time he reaches the door, Die and Toshiya are standing at the closed elevator doors. Kyo's too far away to hear their hushed conversation, but Die keeps shaking his head, frowning. He shrugs Toshiya's hands off of him, pushing him back as he moves into the elevator. Die turns, his eyes meeting Kyo's for a split-second before the doors roll shut. The fine cracks in Kyo's heart splinter, spreading a little wider like a rock thrown at a pane of glass. Not broken, not yet. Fragile. 

Toshiya makes his way back, hands stuffed into his pockets. He falters as he sees Kyo hovering in the doorway. "Shit," he says. " _Shit_ , are _you_ okay?"

Kyo stares at him. "We fucked everything up," he says. "What do you think?" He shakes his head, laughing and digging his nails into the back of his hand until it starts to sting. _Good_. He digs in harder, feeling the bones and muscles shift underneath his skin from the pressure. _Better._

Toshiya reaches out to take Kyo's hand, holding it. The deep red crescents stand out starkly on Kyo's pale skin. Kyo swallows, his fingers twitching in Toshiya's hold. He leads Kyo back into the apartment and sits down with him on the couch, still holding onto Kyo's hand. His fingers are warm, steady and solid, grounding. 

"I think I'm in love with him?" Kyo says, his voice raising high at the end like a question, like he's unsure, even though he's never been more sure of anything in longer than he can remember. "No, I—" Kyo laughs again, scrubbing his free hand over his face. "I know I am, I have been for months. He doesn't love me, though, and he's never going to forgive me." 

Kyo swallows, staring at their reflection in the dark television screen. "He's made it clear that he doesn't want anything serious, it's just about the sex and our friendship, and that's— I mean, it sucks, but it's okay. I get it. I'm not going to push him into something he doesn't want, you know?" He tips his head back on the cushion. The back of his hand throbs. "I wouldn't want to date me, either."

The silence seems so loud. Kyo closes his eyes and exhales past the vast emptiness in his chest like standing at the edge of a precipice. It's hard to fight the temptation to dive into that deep darkness and lose himself in it, and cut himself off from the pain of his heart continuing to beat in his chest.

"Ah, _fuck_ ," Toshiya sighs.

Kyo blinks his eyes open.

"Okay, listen." Toshiya sits up on the couch, moving closer. "The thing about Die — and don't tell him I told you this, he'd be so embarrassed — the thing you need to understand about Die is that he can't fuck without feelings. He likes to think that he can, but the truth is that he can't." 

Toshiya tightens his hold on Kyo's hand, thumb stroking gingerly over the back. "That's why he and I never worked anything out beyond making out and sometimes a quick handjob or blowjob, you know?" Kyo frowns. The swirling void inside of him surges up, threatening to swallow him whole. "He needed more than I could give him." Kyo sees him tip his head to the side out the corner of his eye. "But you and Die have been fucking for— what, has it been over a year? Consistently? _Exclusively?_ "

Kyo shrugs uncomfortably. "I guess it's been a year," he says, still staring up at the ceiling. His stomach churns. "I don't really remember..."

Toshiya leans forward and Kyo turns his head to look at him. He's never seen Toshiya look so serious before. "As far as I know he hasn't been sleeping with anyone else, and you two are always together," Toshiya says. "It's like you're a matched set. Two for one deal!" Despite himself, Kyo's heart lifts and Toshiya starts to smile. "So knowing that," he says, looking into Kyo's eyes. "Knowing that, it's safe to say that Die's been getting what he needs from you, Kyo." He squeezes Kyo's hand again. "Even if he hasn't quite realized that himself yet."

"So what?" Kyo asks. "What am I supposed to do with that now that we've fucked everything up? He couldn't even look at me, man."

"I don't know," Toshiya says, shaking his head and frowning. "I don't know, but if you don't want to lose him, you're going to figure out how to make it right. I'd start by apologizing." The corner of his mouth quirks. "You have my permission to call me and my plan stupid! I know it was. I'll take all the blame for that. I'm sorry."

"Oh, I was going to do that anyway," Kyo says, grinning as Toshiya laughs. "Don't worry."

Kyo hangs around with Toshiya, playing video games and watching a few movies (Star Wars, the only thing they could agree on) until late in the evening. Kyo confirms a tattoo appointment to get started on his back piece and Toshiya agrees to meet him there the next day. By eight o'clock, Die doesn't come back, even though he ought to have finished up at work an hour ago. Kyo fidgets, torn between being stubborn and waiting it out so he can fix things sooner, and heading home to give Die the space he obviously needs to calm down and cool off.

He hates either option. He just wants Die _back_.

"Okay, seriously," Toshiya says, tugging Kyo up from where he'd burrowed himself into the couch cushion, "get out already. Die's probably gone out drinking again, or something." He herds Kyo towards the door. "Come on, I'll get him to call you tomorrow when he's less hungover and more agreeable, okay? I promise. Now go home."

Kyo _hates_ it. He goes.

To his surprise, the lights are on when he pushes the door to his apartment open. "I'm home," he calls, reaching out to ghost his fingers over the surface of his cactus. It's prickly as ever, and he feels a sense of calm wash over him despite himself. The dirt feels the way it should; either Takumi or Yuchi took care of it while he was away.

"Welcome back!" Takumi replies. "So, you didn't murder anyone, then?"

"No," Kyo says, kicking off his shoes and toeing them into the open shoe cabinet by the door. "Did you expect me to?" He smiles, leaning around the corner to peer into the living room as Takumi laughs. "No, I didn't do any murdering. Plan didn't work, Toshiya's an idiot, we already knew this. Did you miss me that much?"

Takumi smiles as he meets Kyo's eyes. "Yeah! It was so annoying. I tried to watch like, three separate shows but it was too easy to watch without you muttering criticism under your breath about the effects the entire time. You've ruined television for me." He laughs. "Take responsibility, you ass."

Kyo lets his smile stretch across his face, ducking his head. "Sorry to hear that," he says. "I'm gonna have a bath, but maybe we could watch something before bed, then? Give you something normal to cling onto." _Give us both something normal to cling onto._

At Takumi's nod, Kyo disappears into the bathroom, stripping off his clothes and washing himself before running the water for a bath. He sinks into the fragrant, steaming water with a soft, pleased groan as the tension starts to trickle from his shoulders. He tips his head back, letting his eyes close. 

After, he stumbles out of the bathroom to the kitchen, reaching into the fridge for something to eat and makes his way back to the living room to drop down on the floor next to Takumi. "What've you got?" he asks, laughing as Takumi pulls a face and pulls up something new on the television.

It's nice to be with Takumi, a good and welcome distraction far-removed from everything that happened over the weekend. They talk and laugh through most of the show Takumi chose, a familiar and comforting series they'd watched together multiple times. Kyo feels lighter than he has in days. It's good to be home.

When he lies in bed that night, all he can think about is Die. He floats in and out of wakefulness, startling fully awake when the woman three doors down starts to clean her apartment at three in the morning. Kyo stares up at the ceiling and then rolls over onto his side, resisting the urge to get up to grab his phone off the charger on the other side of the room and call Die. He must drift off again eventually, though, because the next time he opens his eyes, it's morning.

Kyo scrambles across the room, scooping up his phone and resting both elbows on top of his dresser as he checks his chat notifications. A few messages from classmates, one of his professors at school, Takumi, even _Toshiya_ , saying that Die never came home the night before... But nothing from Die. Kyo's shoulders slump. He pulls open a chat with Shinya and Kaoru.

  
  


**Kyo:** did die stay with you guys again last night?  
**Kaoru:** no  
**Shinya:** I haven't heard from him either.

  
  


Kyo frowns. _Where is he? Is he okay?_

That afternoon after his last class of the day, Kyo meets up with Toshiya outside of the tattoo shop. "You know you didn't actually have to come," Kyo says, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I'm used to getting tattoos by myself. You could've sent the money."

"Yeah," Toshiya says, rolling his shoulders. "I didn't have anything to do anyway, it's weird being home alone. Are you gonna pierce your eyebrow again?"

Kyo rubs a considering fingertip over the healing lump of scar tissue in his eyebrow. "Might not be able to," he says. "I'll see what the piercer has to say about it. Or maybe I'll do something else. I was thinking..." He pinches the bridge of his nose. "Maybe here? Or..." He rotates his fingertips ninety degrees. "Something like that?"

Toshiya stares at him, aghast. "Are you fucking with me?" he asks. "Your _forehead?_ "

"Maybe a little," Kyo replies, shrugging. "Thought it could be cool. D'you think Die would like it?"

"I don't know," Toshiya says, reaching for the black tattoo shop door, grasping the handle and pulling it open. "He's into weird shit, he might." Heavy metal spills out through the open doorway, and Toshiya ushers Kyo inside. "After you," he says.

"Thanks, _baby_ ," Kyo says, laughing and hopping over Toshiya's outstretched foot when he tries to trip him up as he moves inside.

Toshiya sticks with Kyo the entire time, despite however many times Kyo tries to wave him away. "I promised I'd be here," he says. "Shut up and let me."

Kyo shrugs, letting Toshiya follow him into the room. He yanks his shirt up over his head and lies down on the bench after the tattoo artist finishes sterilizing it. As the artist sets up the stencil and Kyo approves the placement, Toshiya drops into a chair and wordlessly holds out a hand. Kyo stares at it for a moment before giving him a high five. "Thanks? Is that for good luck? I don't need it—"

"No! Shut up, idiot," Toshiya huffs. "Do you want me to hold your stupid hand? Kaoru did, when he got that tattoo on his chest."

With a valiant effort to keep his laughter trapped behind his lips, Kyo buries his face on the bench and reaches out his hand. Toshiya's fingers, warm and broad and comforting, wrap around his palm. It does feel nice, and Kyo appreciates having something to squeeze when the artist starts on the outline work.

Later, when the pain has numbed to a deep, almost welcome thrum, Toshiya holds his phone under Kyo's face. It takes a moment for Kyo to focus enough to register what he's seeing, rising from the depths of pleasure-pain. He blinks. It's a photo on Die's instagram, with "Surprise!" and a balloon emoji as the caption. The people around Die are all different ages, six of them in total, and yet... oddly familiar. 

Oh. _Oh._

"Is that his family?" Kyo asks.

Toshiya nods. "The girl next to him is his older sister, Yui. It was her birthday last night. This other one, that's his eldest brother, Hideki. He's married, his wife gave birth to a baby girl called Mikoto a couple weeks ago."

Kyo remembers. Die had gone to visit them at the hospital and was bright and beaming when he'd told Kyo about her. "She's so cute," he sighed, leaning into Kyo's shoulder on the couch. "All pink and wrinkly and her tiny _fingernails_ , Kyo, oh my _god_. She grabbed my finger, she was so strong, and she smelled so _nice!_ "

Kyo smirked, curling his arms around Die's waist to drag him closer. "Kinda sounds like you want one," he said teasingly, his heart thumping against his ribs as a blush flared across Die's cheeks.

"What? A baby? _Me?_ No!" Die sputtered. "I— maybe someday, I don't know? Shut up, Kyo!" The flush in his cheeks deepened as Kyo started to laugh, but he let Kyo drag him in closer, even tipping his head down for a kiss to press their mouths together.

God, Kyo didn't know how good he had it.

"And then, these are his parents," Toshiya continues, after pointing out Die's other two older brothers. Kyo focuses his attention on the photo. Die's sister is in the middle of the family, with balloons and streamers up on the walls, and sparkling gold confetti falling through the air around them. Die stands with his arm around his sister's shoulders, and his other arm around his mother's waist. He's taller than all of his siblings, though a few inches shorter than his father. Their smiles are all similar, bright and sweet, and it makes Kyo's heart clench.

After the tattoo session finishes and they make their way back outside, each of them hesitates on the sidewalk, though they each have to head home in different directions. Kyo's back tingles beneath the cellophane. Toshiya stuffs his hands in his pockets, his shoulders slouched.

"Well..." Kyo says, scuffing his sneaker against the pavement.

"That was more fun than I thought it'd be," Toshiya says, shrugging. "Thank you for not subjecting me to seeing you pierce your fucking forehead."

Kyo laughs despite himself. "There's always next time," he says.

Toshiya shudders. "Ugh, I guess I'm gonna head home. I have to be up early tomorrow." He takes in a deep breath, his shoulders lifting up towards his ears before dropping back down. "Get home safe, okay?"

"Yeah," Kyo says, staring at the ground. "Yeah. You too, Toshiya. Thank you for hanging out. It was... I liked the company." He looks up as Toshiya offers a jaunty salute and spins on his heel, watching him walk away. 

Some of the anxiety from before starts to swirl up around Kyo again, dragging at his limbs until he feels like he might collapse like a marionette with its strings cut. He heads off to work the night shift at the convenience store, slouched over the counter and scribbling sketches while he waits for customers to come in. 

After, he goes home to spend another anxious, sleepless night trying not to think about Die, but he's all Kyo can think about. He passes out somewhere between the sky lightening to a steel grey through the cracks in his blinds, and his alarm blaring at ten. Kyo staggers from bed like a zombie, reaching out for his phone.

Die posted more photos of the party during the night, including a cute photo of himself with his sister, pulling identical, cute scowling faces. The next is a mirror selfie, showing off his party outfit and his long, long legs. The last photo is with two other, ridiculously attractive people that Kyo doesn't know. A young woman who looks around Die's age, and a slightly older man stand with Die sandwiched between them, smiling (or, Kyo's brain supplies unhelpfully, _smirking_ ) at the camera. They're both touching him, the woman's hand placed delicately on Die's chest and the man's curled around Die's hip. They look... beautiful together.

Kyo drops down on the edge of his bed, anxiety crawling up his throat. Fuck. _Fuck_. Did he sleep with them? Is that even any of his business? Even though Kyo hasn't been sleeping with anyone else since he and Die started messing around, they've never actually had a conversation about exclusivity before.

Before he can stop himself, he sends Die a message:

  
  


**Kyo:** hey, i saw those photos you posted. it looks like the party was a lot of fun. was your sister surprised?

  
  


He gets to his feet, leaving his phone behind as he heads to the bathroom to prepare for the day, showering and brushing his teeth. He stops in the kitchen to steal some of the coffee one of his roommates (he suspects Yuchi) made earlier that morning. By the time he gets back, Die's responded:

  
  


**Die:** yeah, it was good.

  
  


That's it. Kyo's heart sinks. Has he lost any chance to make things right already? 

  
  


*

  
  


After that, Die all but disappears off the face of the planet — but to be fair, so does Kyo, with midterms coming up. Kyo spends most of his free time holed up in the library, studying for exams and writing long, dry papers. From what he's heard from Toshiya, Die isn't doing much else either.

After spending so much of the past year and a half with Die, his absence feels foreign to Kyo, as if everything has shifted a few inches to the right of where it should be. He's left feeling adrift and unsatisfied, like a song that ended on the wrong note. He needs to fix this. What they had before was good, but... Now what? Could they make something better? Does Die even _want_ that?

Of course not. Over the course of the week, the cracks on the surface of Kyo's heart spread wider, go in deeper. Kyo spirals deeper and deeper into an anxious swirl of self-pity and self-loathing with each passing day, his every spare thought fixated on Die. How could he fix this? Die won't want anything to do with him after he fucked everything up, and Kyo was always going to. Die's right to find happiness elsewhere.

Rather unexpectedly, he spends a lot more time with Toshiya than he ever had before all this started. Not that they weren't _friends_ before, necessarily, but he and Toshiya never hung out just the two of them. Die was always there. It's so strange without him, and Kyo feels his absence like a physical, persistent ache.

"I don't like being at home when he's there," Toshiya explains one afternoon as he pushes into Kyo's apartment. "He's still being _civil_ and not really talking to me unless I talk to him first. It's so _weird_. I just want him to yell at me or something already so we can get it over with." He falters in the genkan, and he turns to Kyo with a faint smile, jerking his thumb towards the cactus. "Shit, I can't believe you actually kept it."

"Of course I did," Kyo says. "It's spiky. _I'm_ spiky." Toshiya's smile broadens, the tension in his shoulders starting to dissipate. "Go set up in the living room, then," Kyo continues, shooing Toshiya deeper into the apartment. "I'll get some snacks, or something." 

He frowns as Toshiya disappears from sight. It's not all that uncommon for Die to get snappish every now and then, with a fiery temper that can scald down to the bone. He usually burns himself out fast, though; quick to anger, but even quicker to forgive. This sudden distance and lack of a reaction is... troubling.

Kyo makes his way into the living room with an armful of different snack bags and sodas. Toshiya brightens at once, looking up from the notebooks and texts and his laptop spread across one half of the table. "Here," Kyo says, and Toshiya reaches out to take the sodas from the tight press between his body and his forearms, giving him more range to use his arms and set everything else down without dropping anything. Kyo drops down onto the sofa, leaning back in his seat, still frowning.

"What's going on?" Toshiya asks. "You've got a face on."

" _Imagine_ ," Kyo says dryly. Toshiya sticks out his tongue and Kyo sighs, shrugging his shoulders and looking away. "Did you apologize to Die yet?" he asks.

Toshiya doesn't respond for a few moments, adjusting everything so that it all lines up with the edge of the table top. "Of course I did," he says, but he sounds almost unsure. "I apologized the second he came home." He runs his thumb along the edge of a textbook cover, frowning. "But things have been... _off_ ," he adds. "Usually when we fight, he yells a bit and hides out in his room, comes out after an hour for snuggles." Toshiya's brow furrows. "Like I said, he hasn't even yelled at me," he says, and scratches at the nape of his neck. "He hasn't done anything, he's mostly avoiding me. I don't know how to fix it. _If_ I can fix it."

"I need to talk to him," Kyo says. "I don't know how, or what to say, I mean—" Kyo huffs. "He doesn't even want to be with me, so I don't know what he's so upset about."

"I wouldn't be so sure that he doesn't want to be with you," Toshiya says, both hands dropping to the floor as he leans back to rest on them. "Obviously, I can't say for sure because I don't know what goes on between you two when you're alone and he and I haven't ever talked about it, but... I've never seen him look at someone else the way he looks at you, man. That has to count for something."

Kyo looks away, itching to grab his phone and show Toshiya the photo Die took at his sister's party with those two attractive strangers. The hopelessness in his chest festers like a gaping, open wound. It's not that he doesn't believe Toshiya. Maybe he was even right, back before all of this mess started. There's no fucking way in hell that Die could ever return his feelings, though. Not anymore. He missed his chance. Kyo tips his head back on the couch cushion, sighing up at the ceiling. "I wish," he mutters.

"Yeah, me too," Toshiya says. "I hope you can work this shit out and apologize. Hopefully he'll want to suck your dick again and we can all go back to normal." Kyo snorts, tipping his head on the cushion to see Toshiya smiling back at him with a rueful expression. Toshiya shifts forward, picking up his phone and waving it towards Kyo. "Shinya unblocked me, by the way. He's being mean to me again, too, thank _fuck_." His smile softens, tipping his head down towards the screen as he rests his phone in his lap. "Do you think he's... I don't know, d'you think flirting with me? Maybe a little?"

"Maybe a little," Kyo says, and laughs despite himself. "You and Shinya, then? Where did this even come from?"

Toshiya's smile grows even more bashful somehow. "I don't know, I've kinda had a little thing for him forever," he says, still staring down at his phone screen. "It's a long shot, especially after he shot me down when I first asked him to be my fake boyfriend, but I... I want to try, I think. At least to know one way or another if I even have a chance."

Kyo curls up on the couch with one of his music theory texts. "Don't fuck it up," he advises. "We're friends now and I like you, I guess, but if you hurt Shinya, I think I'm duty-bound as his oldest friend to kill you."

"That's fair," Toshiya says, ducking his head to hide a grin. "I'll do my best not to."

They fall quiet after that, focusing on their snacks and studying, in that order. Toshiya stays until he discovers he can't justify spending the night on Kyo's couch (despite agreeing that it's far more comfortable than his and Die's), making his way home. Kyo watches him trek down the hall until he's out of sight, his stomach twisting.

He goes to bed earlier than usual, sprawling in bed. Rather than continuing to study, he cracks open a novel that Kaoru had recommended to him months ago but never got around to reading. By the time he looks up again, it's almost two in the morning. Kyo groans, scrubbing a hand over his face. 

Switching off the lamp, he sets the book on his bedside table and sinks deeper into his pillows, letting his eyes close. He rolls over onto his side, frowning. Huffing a loud sigh, he yanks the blanket up over his shoulder. 

Kyo closes his eyes, but they pop back open again mere seconds later. He shifts on the bed, but no position he puts himself in seems comfortable. It's too cold in his room. His mattress feels too soft, the bed feels too big, he misses Die. He clenches his eyes shut. He's determined to sleep, or at the very least keep his damn eyes shut until the morning.

Despite his best intentions, memories of the last time he and Die had fooled around, days before all of this started, flash through his mind. The faint smirk on Die's face as Kyo leaned over and kissed him, his eyes catching the warm spring sunlight streaming in through the window. Die had laughed, bright and hitching. Kyo shifted over between his spread legs to sink right into his body, muffling his moans with his mouth. Die gripped at Kyo's shoulders, his knees tight around his waist. God, the heat of his body and how tight he felt, how _good_ it felt to be with him...

Kyo's orgasm sneaks up on him almost as he even registers that he's been touching himself. He lies on his back, panting for breath with sweat prickling at his temples. Fuck. _Fuck_ , he has to put this right. He can't lose Die.

Toshiya had told him to apologize. A simple, ' _I'm sorry_ ,' isn't going to cut it... What could he say to Die? Should he... Should he tell him how he feels? As he cleans himself up, he imagines Die lying in bed next to him, coming down and flushed from the sex. 

_I love having sex with you — I mean that's not all, but. Fuck, no, that's not right._ Kyo shakes his head. _That's not good enough, that's not all this is, that's not all I want from you... It's so much more than that._ Shaking his head, Kyo leans up to punch the pillow into a better shape and flops back down. _Why would you ever make me pretend to love Toshiya when all my love is yours, Die?_

He clenches his eyes shut tight. _Die, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I went along with that Toshiya's dumb plan. If you hadn't asked me to do this, I never would have— no, that's not right_ _either_. Kyo groans, scrubbing a hand over his face. It's not Die's fault. He didn't know what was going to happen. _None of us did._

Kyo huffs again, shifting onto his back. _This is so stupid. I'm stupid... You're so beautiful. You make me so happy. You're kind and generous and trusting and... Too trusting, too generous, God, why did you let me and Toshiya steamroller right over you all weekend, why couldn't you fucking say **no** to us, I— fuck. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry._

He drifts off with words floating through his mind. _I can't stop thinking about you. I can't sleep, I can't function, I can't **look** at anything without being reminded of you. I need you, Die. Please, I can't lose you. I'm in love with you._

In the library a few nights later, Kyo leans back in his seat with a groan. "Fuck, I can't keep doing this, I need a break," he says, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Tell me something distracting, I need a distraction before I punch a hole in something."

Toshiya doesn't respond right away, scribbling notes from his textbook with a bright, almost feverish sheen to his eyes. "I was the one who sent you that card with ' _Netflix and Chill_ ' on the front, with the _'chill'_ crossed out and replaced with _'anal_ '," he says. "I forged Die's handwriting. It wasn't hard."

Kyo stares at him, the pen falling from his hand. Toshiya continues taking notes and working on his essay as if he hadn't said anything out of the ordinary at all, and Kyo frowns. He lashes out, kicking Toshiya under the table, the toe of his sneaker connecting solidly with Toshiya's knee. Toshiya yelps, jumping in his seat and ducking down to grab his leg. 

"What the fuck? _Why?_ " Kyo asks, now that he has Toshiya's attention.

Abruptly, he remembers that he found that card tucked into his backpack the morning before he and Die hooked up for the first time. It had given him the confidence to finally make a move. Shit. He crosses his arms over his chest, scowl deepening. "Explain."

"You didn't have to kick me," Toshiya whines, still rubbing his leg. Kyo rolls his eyes. He hadn't kicked him that hard! " _Fine_ ," Toshiya sighs, sitting up and slouching in his chair. "Uh... Where to even start..." He rubs a hand over his face and yawns. "About a year and a half ago, Die got out of a shitty relationship with a shitty guy. It kind of screwed him up for a bit."

Kyo's eyes narrow. He doesn't like the sound of that at all. "What _kind_ of shitty?" he asks. "Do I need to get his address so I can go punch this guy in the face?"

Toshiya shakes his head. "No! I mean, maybe? Not for anything like whatever you're thinking, he never abused or _hurt_ Die, as far as I know. Not exactly." Toshiya rubs his forehead, frowning. "He was older and a bit of a control freak. Kinda rich, powerful. Super closeted and so secretive about their relationship that they never even went on dates. He always had Die meet him at hotels and shit. Die always said it felt so special, said he felt so spoiled by it. Maybe he was just a sugar daddy, I don't know."

His scowl deepens, tipping his head back to stare up at the ceiling. "Me and Kaoru thought that maybe the guy was _married_. He didn't even have social media accounts. He might've given Die a fake name? No proof or anything, we never found out for sure one way or the other. We only had the vibe that Kaoru and I got from him to go on — creep cheating on his wife and kids with a young, cute, impressionable piece of ass." 

Toshiya laughs without humour, his arms crossed over his chest. "Die had no idea. It was his first relationship, you know? He was totally star-struck, oblivious of anything else going on. He was in love with the guy." Toshiya sighs, shaking his head. "Anyway. Whoever he was, the guy ended things without warning, one day called Die out of the blue to say that it was over and to never contact him again. Just like that." He snaps his fingers. "Changed his number and everything. Wife probably found out, I thought?" 

He falls quiet for a few moments. "Doesn't matter whatever it was that happened, if he got caught or found someone else, he completely broke Die's heart." Toshiya hugs himself tighter, his shoulders lifting up towards his ears. "Should've... I don't know, I feel like I should've seen it coming somehow. Told him I was worried. Protected him more."

"I'm going to punch that asshole in the face," Kyo says. 

Toshiya tilts his head to look over at Kyo, a wry smile turning up the corner of his mouth. "Good luck. Probably gave Die a fake name, remember?" He closes his eyes, letting his head hang limp on his neck. He covers his face with his hands. "Let's go get a coffee," he says, muffled behind his palms.

"Alright," Kyo replies, getting to his feet and grabbing his wallet from his bag. "Vending machine?"

"Yeah," Toshiya replies, scrubbing over his eyes before getting up and joining Kyo. "Kiosk's probably closed, it's late." He sniffles, rolling his shoulders. "Anyway, after that I tried setting Die up with a bunch of other guys to try and help him get over it, but he wasn't interested in anything but pretending that everything was fine, that nothing had changed and he wasn't hurting." 

Kyo's stomach does a backflip. "Is that what he's doing now?"

The corner of Toshiya's mouth twitches down into a grimace. "Yeah, actually, now that you mention it," he says, and heaves a sigh. "None of those guys were right for him either, none of them stuck around and it only made him feel worse. That was my fault." He leads the way out of the stacks, his hands stuffed deep in his jeans pockets. "You know how I said he can't fuck without feelings? That was, unfortunately, how I found out."

"Shit," Kyo mutters, coming to a halt next to the vending machine. He waits for Toshiya to make his selection, reaching out to slip coins into the slot before Toshiya can. "Shut up," he mutters, waving a hand and then pushing at Toshiya's face when Toshiya pouts at him. He pays for his own drink, too. "Stop looking at me like that, you weirdo."

Toshiya laughs, cracking the lid on his coffee can and tipping his head to the side. They sit on benches in front of the bay of vending machines. Stretching his legs out on the bench, Toshiya sighs. "Anyway," he says, "imagine my surprise when all of a sudden our fair Die starts telling me about this guy he reconnected with in the bathroom at some dumb party." 

That sounds familiar. Kyo's heart lifts. "Me?"

"Waxed poetic about your ass and how much he wanted to suck your dick — he talked about nothing else for five minutes _straight_ , Kyo — and how funny you were, and how _nice_... So I... I decided to take a chance on it, with that stupid card I found, and put the ball in your court." Toshiya shrugs, picking at the tab on top of his can. The dull _thunk, thunk, thunk_ seems so loud in the quiet hallway. "Die's sweet but he doesn't take initiative. I hoped that maybe you would."

Kyo swallows, leaning back on the bench. "Why me?"

"Honestly?" Toshiya muses, scratching his chin, "Just because Die showed an interest in someone for the first time since his asshole ex. At best, I hoped that maybe he'd get some dick from someone he seemed to like and then go back to normal, you know? But then you stuck around."

Of course he stuck around. Kyo already liked Die so much back then, and liked spending time getting to know him. Die made him laugh like it was as easy as breathing for him, and maybe it was. Kyo ducks his head, suddenly bashful. He knew he was in love with Die, he's known it for a while, but the more he thinks about it, the more it keeps hitting him over and over how _long_ he's been in love with Die without realizing it.

 _But of course I would be_ , he thinks. _Of course I would be. He's so easy to love._

"—and you were actually pretty great, and... You made him happy. You _still_ make him happy, Kyo. You treat him — most of the time — the way he should be treated. I know you're in love with him because you told me, but even without that.... I mean, it's obvious how you feel to me, at least." Toshiya cups his hands around the can. "Die's — he's _Die_ , you know what I mean? He's my best friend and he's _the best_. He deserves to be happy, and to be treated with respect, to be loved and cherished. So..." Toshiya looks over and meets Kyo's eyes. "So don't fuck it up, is what I'm saying, I guess. Or I'll have to kill you."

A startled laugh bubbles up Kyo's throat, slipping past his lips, loud and graceless. "I guess that's fair," he manages, and Toshiya leans over and kicks Kyo. The toe of his sneaker barely grazes Kyo's knee, but Kyo leans back further out of reach, drawing both legs up onto the bench to protect himself from further attack. " _Fucker_."

Toshiya just grins at him.

The next week passes in something of a blur. Kyo's busy writing midterms and writing papers, preparing songs he needs to sing for his semester-end recital. He works through night shifts at the convenience store, doing his best to focus and do his best to get done what he can while he feels absolutely consumed by Die in his absence. 

He doesn't see Die at school, not even glimpses across the quad, but he hadn't expected to. They don't see each other at school even at the best of times, without any classes together this semester and how wildly opposite their schedules are. Kyo misses him so _much_ — they haven't gone this long without talking since they became friends.

Against his better judgement, he caves and sends Die another message:

  
  


**Kyo:** hey. how are you holding up?

  
  


Simple. To the point. Kyo stares at his phone, his palms sweating, but he refuses to look away even as his heart pounds in his throat. After an unbearable few minutes, Die actually responds:

  
  


**Die:** hey! i'm fine. overwhelmed with everything and if i have to read another chapter about melodic dictation right now, i might throw up, but i'm fine. how are you? i saw a really cute dog today, hold on let me find the photo. i thought of you  
**Die:** here! look at his floppy ears! and the bowtie on the collar! isn't he sweet?

  
  


Kyo's heart lifts despite himself, and he clutches a hand over his chest, smiling down at his phone screen. The dog is cute, but Die's smile in the selfie is even cuter. He saw this dog and went out of his way to get a photo with them because he thought Kyo might like it. That has to mean something. Doesn't it?

  
  


**Kyo:** yeah, he's really cute. thank you, Die  
**Kyo:** i'm sorry. i miss you

  
  


Another unbearable pause. Kyo closes his eyes, taking a deep, steadying breath. When he opens them, it's to see Die's response on the screen:

  
  


**Die:** don't  
**Die:** i don't want to talk about this over the phone.

  
  


Fuck. Kyo's hands shake until he grips his phone tighter, sucking in a deep breath. He fucked it up already, _already_ , he barely even did anything, and—

  
  


**Die:** so how are you? Toshiya said you got the tattoo started?

  
  


Kyo blinks, staring at the screen. Die still wants to talk to him? Hesitantly, Kyo starts to type.

  
  


**Kyo:** oh, yeah, i'll get the pictures he took  
**Kyo:** total baby, he couldn't handle a little bit of blood at all, so they're a little blurry.  
**Die:** lol, well it is Toshiya  
**Kyo:** got most of the outline done across the top. i'll be focusing on the lower back at my next appointment  
**Die:** oh wow, it looks so cool already! i can't wait to see the rest!  
**Die:** i have to get back to studying, but it was nice talking to you, Kyo

  
  


He still wants to see the tattoo. Kyo catches his lip between his teeth. He still wants to see _Kyo_.

 _Die_. Kyo imagines Die standing in front of him now, shoulders hunched with an easy, somewhat uncertain smile quirking up the corner of his mouth. _Do you think we're just friends?_ Die tips his head to the side. _Because I don't. I think we passed 'just friends' a long time ago. I don't..._

Kyo frowns, leaning back on his bed. _I'm not sure how to start because I'm so terrified of losing you. It would ruin me, but I have to take this jump and hope that— I'm in love with you, Die._ Die's eyes widen, his lips parting in surprise. _Being with you, the way you look at me... Everything else falls away. Nothing else in the world exists and I am overwhelmed by you. When I have you in my arms, touching you, kissing you... Loving you... Everything starts to make sense._

He gets to his feet, crossing over to this imaginary Die. _I've been in love with you for so long... I only seem to fall deeper and deeper and there's no way out, but I don't... I don't want to._ He holds his hands out palms up. _I'm placing my heart, bloody and dripping, into your hands. It's yours to do with what you will. I hope that you won't crush it, that you'll treat it gently, but if that's what you decide, it's okay. It's okay if it's you._

Toshiya comes to meet Kyo at the tattoo studio for the next appointment. "I said I'd be here," he says, when Kyo asks him _why_. "Don't make it a big deal."

Like the last time, they don't end up talking much throughout the process, but Toshiya holds Kyo's hand and shows him stupid memes on his phone to distract from the pain. Kyo doesn't need the distraction. He enjoys the burning, prickling sting of the needle swirling over his skin, but he appreciates that Toshiya's trying.

"Oh," Toshiya says, and he pulls his hand away from Kyo's. "Die posted a new photo."

Kyo groans. Die hasn't posted anything new to any of his social media accounts since his sister's party. "If he's with more attractive strangers, I don't want to know about it."

Toshiya laughs, "No," he says, and he holds his phone out for Kyo to see. "No, he's out with Shinya and Kaoru, I think. They're celebrating the end of their midterms."

In the photo, Die sits in the window of a familiar cafe. The sun is starting to go down, washing the cafe in a warm, golden light. He's got a startled expression on his face, his mouth shaped in a perfect 'o' of surprise, as if the person taking the photo had caught him off guard. A cup of coffee and a small slice of cake with a perfect, plump strawberry sitting on top is on the table at his elbow, and he's got a bit of whipped cream smeared on his cheek.

Kyo wants to kiss him so badly he's practically vibrating. He turns his face into the bench he's lying on, groaning again. "God, I'm in love with him."

Toshiya pats Kyo's head consolingly. "I know, man. Hey," he says. "Hey, do you want to come over after we're done here? Die's not going to be home for a while, but maybe he's got the right idea about celebrating the end of midterms! We could watch another Star Wars movie!" Toshiya huffs a soft, sad laugh. "I don't want to be alone — what do you say? Want to hang out? Please?"

A breath hisses between Kyo's teeth as the needle passes over his spine. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, letting his eyes close. "Yeah," he says, squeezing Toshiya's hand. "Yeah, okay."

Throughout the rest of the appointment, Toshiya grows increasingly more and more fidgety, shifting on the stool the tattoo artist provided for him, rotating from side to side. He stops when Kyo reaches out and smacks his thigh. "Sorry," he says, laughing. "Just getting hungry. Do you want to get food on the way back? But oh," he continues, and Kyo tilts his head to look up into his face. He's frowning. "I think we might have food at home for once..."

"I'm not cooking for you," Kyo says.

"You don't have to!" Toshiya flaps a hand with another laugh. "This is going to be great!"

Only, when they reach Toshiya's apartment, Toshiya unlocks the door and shoves Kyo inside ahead of him. "Okay," he says, "you two make up now. Bye!" He closes the door behind Kyo without coming inside.

Kyo turns to scowl at the closed door, freezing halfway when he hears a faint shuffle of movement behind him. His heart leaps as he turns his head. Die's sitting on the couch, facing towards him with a startled expression. _Oh._ Kyo struggles to swallow past the lump in his throat, his mouth suddenly dry.

"We need to talk." 

The words slip past his lips before he cay say, ' _hey_ ,' or ' _how are you_ ,' or ' _nice weather out today, huh_ ,' or ' _I've missed you_ ,' or ' _you look so good_ ,' or ' _please forgive me_ ,' or ' _can I please kiss you?_ '

Die flinches. His eyes dart towards the door behind Kyo and the window across from him like he might try and make a break for it. Kyo's knees tremble. 

"Not like—" Kyo's voice cracks. "Please, can I sit down? I want to — I need to explain what happened."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, happy new year. i hope you're doing alright and taking care of yourselves. be safe out there, friends.


	8. interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello hello. back atcha with another (the Final) interlude - sorry - before the conclusion and the epilogue. hopefully it won't take me too long, but. life happens! so i'll do my best haha ♥ 
> 
> warnings for brief mention of suicidal ideation, some sads, sexy times, and semi-public sexy times while under the influence of alcohol 
> 
> ahem

Kyo drops his pencil down onto the table after finishing the final equation on his calculus worksheet and stretches his arms up over his head with a soft groan. He lowers his arms back down as he hears a wobbling voice hitch into breathless squeaks of laughter a few tables away. Kyo looks up to watch Die leaning over to swat at someone's shoulder. A friend? Maybe a boyfriend? 

_Good-looking enough to be_ , Kyo supposes. Tall and lanky with dark hair and bright, shining eyes. Whoever he is, he looks embarrassed but pleased, pushing his hair out of his face with a laugh. They're sitting with a few other people, books spread out that none of the group are looking at. Die's laughter bubbles up anew and Kyo's attention shoots back to him. 

Cradling his chin in his hand, Kyo considers Die's smile. He watches as Die twirls a strand of hair around a fingertip, still laughing but quieter now. Kyo likes the way a smile changes Die's face — not any more or less attractive, just a different kind. He likes how readily, how easily Die seems to smile, like it's always waiting just beneath the surface. It's as if he somehow managed to capture a drop of the sun and carries it around with him now wherever he goes.

Die glances at his phone as it lights up with a message, his smile fading. Kyo's stomach gives an odd lurch at that. _What happened?_ Die types out a response before turning back to one of his friends with his lips puckered, his eyelashes fluttering. Warmth rises in Kyo's cheeks. 

What would it be like to kiss Die? To take his time and lick his mouth open until he was squirming, pink-cheeked and gasping? What noises would he make? Would he whine and moan? Would he growl and push back against Kyo, take control?

He's so distracted by the mental image that he doesn't notice Die glancing over at him until it's too late and he gets caught staring at Die with an undoubtedly glazed expression, blushing with his mouth hanging open. Amazing. Incredible. Is it possible to get to the roof of the library? He might need to throw himself off—

 _Shit_. Die grabs his bag and starts to get up from the table. Shit. Shit. Slinging the strap over his shoulder, Die starts to walk over in Kyo's direction. Shit. Shit. _Shit_. Kyo ducks down under the table to grab something from his backpack, hoping that Die will ignore him and continue right past his table. Please. _Please_. He claws desperately through the main compartment of his backpack, and sits up with a few dried-out, uncapped highlighters, some spare change, and disgusting bag lint clutched in his hand. Die hasn't kept walking. Shit. Shit. _**SHIT**_.

"Hey—" Die begins, slipping his hands into his pockets.

"I wasn't staring at you," Kyo blurts. Die blinks in response, brow furrowing as his head tips to the side at Kyo's outburst. _Shit_. Kyo feels like his face is about to set on fire. His fingers curl around the pens and coins and lint. "Uh... What I mean was..."

Die rocks back on his heels. "I'm... I'm going on a coffee run for my study group," he says, after an unbearable pause. He hesitates again, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. It immediately falls back into place and he huffs. "I need to get some fresh air anyway." 

Kyo stares at him. _What the fuck?_ Does he want Kyo to come with him, or something? Die's expression falters, his lip caught between his teeth, and Kyo just wants to grab Die's hand and drag him off somewhere more private. To lean up and coax his lip back out, into his own mouth instead. Would Die like that? Die seems like he might be into biting, or at least getting bitten. Kyo's a biter, in any case, so... His cheeks prickle. Is he blushing? Can Die tell? Of course he can fucking tell, he barely two feet away and Kyo feels like he's about to have a nuclear meltdown. Why does his brain always shut down the moment he needs it most? Die's talking again, and Kyo tries to force himself to focus past the alarm bells ringing in his mind.

"...Wondering if you wanted me to pick you up something?" Die asks, his voice pitching up a little higher. "You've been here even longer than we have, and I haven't seen you eat, so I was just... wondering..."

"Oh." Kyo blinks, coming back online. " _Oh_." _How unexpectedly sweet_ , he thinks, considering he'd been staring at Die and wondering how to get him pinned underneath him. _For fuck's sake_. He needs to get a grip. Kyo swallows, ducking his head. 

"Okay, thank you," he continues as he realizes that Die's waiting on further response from him. "Whatever you get is fine, I'm not— not picky." He drops the useless handful on the table and rubs his fingers over his palm to scrub away the lingering lint clinging to his sweaty skin. He glances up at Die's face again just in time to catch Die beaming at him and it's like the whole room lights up with him. Kyo's heart thunders in his ears and he buries his face in his arms with a soft groan of distress as Die leaves.

Fifteen minutes later, Die returns with a fabric bag in his hand. He halts beside Kyo, digging around in the bag before surfacing with a bun from the conbini just off of campus and an iced coffee from the library cafe. As Die sets them down on the edge of the table by Kyo's elbow, he leans closer. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to join our study group? Or if you don't want to... Maybe..." he says, staring at Kyo's calculus homework. "Maybe we could study just the two of us, since there's that big test coming up... You don't have to answer right away!" He turns his head and offers Kyo a smile, all sunny and soft, his cheeks glowing a faint pink. "Let me know, okay?"

Kyo nods, staring after him with his heart pounding in his ears as Die walks back to his own table. One of Die's study group members — the attractive one that could be Die's friend or boyfriend — glances back over his shoulder at Kyo as Die approaches. There's something in his expression Kyo's not sure he likes, and he focuses his attention on unwrapping the bun Die got for him instead. 

When he unpacks his bag at home that night, keen to throw out those dried highlighters and pack new ones, he finds something else, instead. A greeting card with the words ' _Netflix and Chill_ ' written across the front, but with the ' _chill_ ' crossed out in what looks like sharpie and replaced with a scrawled ' _anal_ '. Kyo frowns, flipping the card open. ' _Hey, I saw the way you were looking at my ass today in the library_ ,' he reads, and his gut plummets. ' _I just wanted you to know, I'm down if you are. Let me know. - Die_ ' 

Blinking, Kyo reads over the note again, and again, and a third time after that. He tries to bite back the smile threatening to stretch across his face, ducking his head into his palms to muffle a groan. His cheeks twitch. Something a lot like hope rises up in his chest.

The next day in class, when he finds Die waiting for him at his usual desk, Kyo decides to go for it, taking Die up on studying together. Rather than studying though, as their attention drifts away to other things, Kyo suggests watching a movie on his laptop. Die leaps at the promise of a distraction, and Kyo's heart jumps in his chest. 

It's all Kyo can do not to kiss him as soon as they sit down together, the details of the film lost as Die fidgets through the entire first half of the film. As head falls onto Kyo's shoulder, Kyo pulls him close. His hair tickles Kyo's cheek, smelling unexpectedly sweet and delicately floral. He's so _warm_ , and Kyo tries not to think about how _good_ it feels to have Die pressed up against his side like this.

 _I'm down if you are_ , Kyo remembers, bolstering himself up. _Netflix and anal._ He reaches out, touching Die's chin.

At once, Die freezes, staring into Kyo's eyes with his lips parted. "Sorry, that was—"

 _Now or never._ "Hey, shut up for a second," Kyo murmurs, his gaze dropping to Die's tempting, soft lips, leaning in close to kiss him. To his relief, Die leans into it. Sighing into Kyo's mouth, Die's hands slide up to curl in the collar of Kyo's t-shirt. His head tips to the side, sweet and slow, and more than Kyo ever expected. He catches Die's lip between his teeth and Die's breath hitches, his fingers tightening in Kyo's shirt, twisting the fabric. 

Die leans back, breaking the kiss. "Hey," he whispers, looking dazed. Blinking, he seems to come back into himself and shifts further back. Kyo lets him go reluctantly, his hand slipping from Die's cheek. "That was—"

"Do you want me to—"

"Fuck my mouth?" Die interrupts, his eyes glinting in the overhead lights.

 _Holy shit._ Kyo stares, rocking back. _Holy_ shit. He watches as a pleasant flush rises in Die's cheeks and fondness rears up in Kyo's chest so fiercely it almost bowls him over. "I mean," he says finally, feeling the corner of his mouth quirk. "I _was_ going to say, 'eat you out'... but I wouldn't say no if you want to."

"We can do both," Die says, simple and easy, like it's nothing. Kyo laughs, still so overwhelmed. "I'm flexible."

Die coaxes Kyo into leaving the library with a casual, ' _I don't want anyone else here to see me on my knees_ ,' which sends a shudder down Kyo's spine. He starts packing his bag the instant Die slides back out of his lap, his lips still tingling from their kisses. When they arrive at Die's apartment, Kyo pulls back from kissing Die with some difficulty. "Where's your bathroom?" he makes himself ask.

"Oh," Die says, stumbling into a closed door behind him. "Um, here." His hand scrabbles behind him and Kyo watches with some amusement as Die grasps the door handle and turns it, towing Kyo into the room. "Did you want to—?" His arm snakes over Kyo's shoulder and Kyo takes the invitation to sidle in close, nipping at the side of his neck. Die's breath catches audibly in his throat and the lights flick on around them.

Kyo leans back with a smirk. Die stares back at him, cheeks still flushed, hair a bit rumpled, lips reddened and just starting to swell. Beautiful. "Want to shower together?" Die gasps again, his nails scraping across the nape of Kyo's neck, and Kyo's smirk grows into a smile. He steps closer, backing Die up and bracketing his hips with his hands on the counter. "You're blushing, you know. It's cute." Die ducks his head with a groan, burying his face in the side of Kyo's neck. heat radiates from his skin and Kyo laughs. "Want to shower together?" he repeats, letting his hand slide up Die's side, curving around his back.

Die's warm fingers slip up under the hem of Kyo's shirt and Kyo bites his lip. His nails drag over Kyo's skin, tipping his head to leave kisses along the side of Kyo's throat. "Yeah," he breathes, and a shiver rustles down Kyo's spine. "Please, yes."

Faster than Kyo expects, they stumble out of their clothes and under the spray of the shower head, washing each other between kisses, hands all over their bodies. _Maybe it's a little too fast_ , Kyo thinks. Maybe they should slow down, but then Die kisses him again and any other thoughts wash away. Die's tongue rolls into Kyo's mouth, slick and hot. Kyo sucks at the tip of it, enjoying Die's responding moan and how he presses in even tighter until there's no space left between them. 

Die pins Kyo to the wall and Kyo arches away from the cold tile with a hissed breath. His nails dig in at Die's waist, dragging him closer. "You okay?" Die whispers, mouthing at Kyo's collarbone.

"Yes," Kyo breathes, both hands dropping to grip Die's ass in his palms and squeeze. He catches Die's bottom lip between his teeth with a gentle tug, and Die gasps for breath, grinding against Kyo's hipbone as Kyo works his leg between Die's thighs. His hardening cock twitches in the tight press of their bodies, leaving a sticky smear of precum on his skin. Die surges forward into the next kiss, bumping Kyo back into the wall again. Kyo huffs an amused sound, digging his nails into Die's ass, directing the swivel of his hips up onto his thigh. 

Kyo's breath hitches in his throat, head falling back on the wall as Die rubs over Kyo's cock. The cool of the tile feels almost refreshing on his overheated skin now, his mouth falling open as he watches Die sink down to his knees. "Fuck," he whispers, as Die looks up into his eyes. Kyo cups Die's jaw in one hand, the other curling around his cock.

Die licks his lips, his eyes roaming over Kyo's body from head to toe. His fingertips bite into Kyo's hips almost rhythmically, his mouth hanging open as Kyo tips back against the wall, spreading out a little, putting himself on display. Die looks so pretty on his knees, all long, lanky limbs with a sharpness at the elbows and knees, narrow hips and defined collar bones. His cock, thick and blushing dark, glistening with precum at the head, bobbing between his spread thighs. Water drips from the damp tips of his black and red hair, sliding down over his skin. His chest heaves, and Kyo lets his gaze linger on the graceful line of Die's throat as he drags a thumb across Die's parted lips. He shudders as Die's warm, pink tongue traces over the pad of his thumb, nipping at the tip with even, white teeth. 

"Hey, can I—?" Die sucks in a breath, licking his lips, adjusting his grip on Kyo's hips.

Kyo swallows. "You look so pretty on your knees," he says. "But I want to have you in a bed first." Die's hands slip from Kyo's hips as his brow furrows, staring up at him with his lower lip jutting out in a slight pout. Kyo raises his eyebrows, fond amusement fizzing in his belly. "Did you forget that I want to eat you out?" he asks.

Die blinks, rubbing the heels of his palms over his thighs. "I did," he admits after a moment. Kyo strokes his thumb over Die's cheekbone. "Are you sure you want— I mean, you don't have to, I'm not expecting anything—"

Tipping his head to the side, Kyo crouches down in front of Die, still resting his weight against the wall. "You still want me to play with that pretty little hole, don't you?" he asks.

" _Yeah!_ " Die's voice comes out in a high squeak, the flush in his cheeks deepening even more. 

_God_ , he's cute. "Then let's do that," Kyo says. "Because I _really_ want to touch you. Where's your room?"

"It's the one on the right," Die says, still staring at Kyo like he can't quite believe this is happening. Kyo leans forward, kissing him, and whatever shock holding him back seems to have broken at last. Die surges into the kiss with a moan, bumping Kyo back up against the tile. 

They keep fucking after that. It's good. Kyo's _happy_. He hasn't felt this good, this _solid_ about anything in a long time. His friendship with Die deepens more and more with each passing day they spend together, their relationship shifting, but it's still so _easy_... Is it supposed to be this easy? Something has to go wrong. Nothing ever happens for Kyo like this. Not without some ulterior motive, some sinister, insidious undercurrent he's not aware of.

"Hey," Die says, one afternoon, apropos of nothing. "We're friends, right?"

Kyo looks up from where he'd been sucking hickeys along Die's inner thighs. "Yes," he says after a moment's pause. "Why?"

"Nothing" Die sighs out a laugh, still lying splayed out on his back, his hair a rumpled, tangled mess from Kyo's hands in it earlier, his mouth red and swollen and wet. He doesn't look away from the ceiling, his posture relaxed, half-melted into Kyo's mattress, each breath steady and even. "Nothing, I'm just— I'm glad. I'm glad we're on the same page."

Humming, Kyo nips at the crease where Die's thigh meets his hip. Die jolts a little, squirming, and Kyo laughs. "And what page is that?"

"That we're _friends_ ," Die says, rising up on his elbows to look at Kyo at last. A few of the hickeys Kyo'd left behind earlier on his neck and chest are already starting to darken on his skin, faint pink turned into a deeper red. "That nothing has to change, that it's— that it's good. What we've got is good. Don't you think?"

Kyo's gut sinks. "Yeah," he makes himself say, swallowing back the disappointment threatening to well up in his throat. "Yeah. What we've got is good." He pushes roughly at Die's thighs, spreading him open further. Die's eyes brighten, his laugh bright and startled as he falls back on the bed and Kyo leans in to pepper kisses over his skin. He slicks up his fingers, pressing into Die's body and closing his eyes.

It's fine.

It's _fine_. He's not going to push Die. Kyo's been on the receiving end of that before, and he doesn't ever want to pressure someone into doing something they don't want. Least of all _Die_. 

They're friends. That's fine. Kyo _likes_ being friends with Die. Getting to spend time with him in any capacity is more than Kyo ever expected. Does he want more? Of course, but there's no guarantee that they'd even be good together, anyway. He doesn't want to risk ruining their friendship. Even the thought of losing Die hurts more than anything.

*

For the third time, Toshiya draws King. As he waves the chopsticks around in the air triumphantly, he casts an appraising look over his friends, seated around him at the booth. Kyo notices his eyes lingering on him and frowns, shifting next to Die. _Is he mad?_

"Four, do a shot and kiss One!" Toshiya says, laughing.

From his place beside him, Die groans, tipping his head back on the seat. "Fuck _you_ , I know you cheated and saw I got Four!" Despite his whining, he readily accepts the shot glass Shinya solemnly presses into his hand and knocks it back, wincing. "Who's One, then?" Kaoru rolls his eyes, leaning forward over the table. Die doesn't hesitate either, shifting closer to meet him halfway. 

It's a brief kiss, Toshiya hooting and hollering and Shinya hiding his laughter into his palm. " _Ugh!_ " Die makes a great show of wiping his mouth after. "Why did you have to use _tongue?_ " he demands.

"Sorry," Kaoru says, shrugging with a slight grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Habit."

Die groans again. "I don't know what i hate more; that you're good at kissing, or that I _know_ that now." Kaoru just laughs and Die ducks his head, his face hidden by the fall of his hair. Kyo can still see a hint of a smile through the bright red strands. They throw their chopsticks back into the middle of the table to play again.

Kyo sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. "I'll sit out this round," he says. "I need to take a piss." Getting up from the booth, he wobbles a bit, and braces himself with a hand on Die's shoulder. He's not drunk, not anymore, left with a pleasant buzzing feeling in the pit of his stomach. As usual, he cut himself off a few rounds earlier, the better to enjoy his friends making asses of themselves for his entertainment.

"Want me to order you another soda?" Die asks, looking up at Kyo and shimmying his shoulder a little.

Tightening his grip, Kyo laughs. "Thanks," he says. "No ice—"

"Yeah, yeah," Die says, grinning. "Sensitive little baby teeth—" Kyo leans down, snapping his teeth together next to Die's ear and Die jerks back out of the way, bumping into Toshiya's side with a bright, hitching giggle. "Get out of here before you piss yourself, _god_. You're the _worst_."

Waving back over his shoulder, Kyo weaves his way between the other bar patrons and makes his way down the dimly lit hall near the back to the bathrooms. After relieving himself, he crosses to the sink to wash his hands and takes a moment to freshen up, ruffling a hand through his hair and rolling his shoulders.

On the way back, he collides with Die by accident in the hall, Die's chest bumping into Kyo's shoulder with enough force to knock him back a step. Die huffs, rubbing a hand over his chest. Through the crowd of people, Kyo can just make out two sodas waiting on the table, one at his place and the other at Die's. His gaze drifts across the bar and he startles to spot that creep who'd been hassling Die before, looking over in their direction. Kyo's eyes narrow. Did Die see him? 

"Hey," Die says, dragging Kyo's attention back. He smiles as Kyo focuses on his face, sweet and sunny, holding up a pack of cigarettes in his other hand. "I was going to have a smoke, d'you wanna join me?"

"Sure," Kyo says. The creep's heading towards them. What is this guy's _deal?_ Like, Kyo can understand being hung up on Die, but is he incapable of taking a hint? _Fuck._

Kyo curls his fingers into Die's belt loops and he yanks Die forward as he stands up on tip-toe to press their lips together. Die stumbles, wobbling off-balance with a gasped breath that Kyo takes advantage of, licking into his mouth slick and hot. The immediate filth and heat on Kyo's part catches him off-guard, a flush of heat surging through him when he realizes they're in full view of the whole bar if anyone happens to look over. Die makes a weak sound into Kyo's mouth, leaning into Kyo readily, eagerly.

Everything fades away as Kyo drags Die back, bumping into the wall before reaching for the doorknob that leads out into the alley behind the bar. As his fingers close around it, Die's arms curl around Kyo's shoulders, empty hand sliding up the nape of Kyo's neck and tangling in his hair. 

The knob turns smoothly beneath Kyo's hand and they stumble out into the summer night, muffling laughter into each other's mouths. Kyo nips at Die's lip a little harder than he'd meant as the heel of his shoe wobbles on a crack in the asphalt, and Die leans back with a breath hissed between his teeth. "Sorry," Kyo breathes, shrugging, as Die untangles himself and brushes a hand through his hair. 

Kyo gets a look around; there's no one else outside. He pushes himself up onto the ledge along the wall, snatching Die's pack of cigarettes from his hand. "You should quit, you know," he says, drawing one and tucking it behind Die's ear when he steps in close. They're almost the same height now. Kyo smirks.

the pack slips from his hand when Die cups Kyo's jaw in his hands, tipping his chin up and kissing him again. He licks into Kyo's mouth with a pleased sound and Kyo sucks at the tip of Die's tongue, revelling in the sweet, soft little moan that hitches in the back of Die's throat. It's dark in the alley, a few streetlights at either end and a flashing red neon sign over their heads. Kyo can feel the warmth of a blush radiating from Die's cheeks. His hand slides over Die's shoulder, curving along his ribs with a touch light enough to trigger Die's ticklish reflexes, and Die smothers a laugh into Kyo's mouth.

Kyo draws back for a moment, looking into Die's eyes. His hand continues its path down Die's back, meandering up and back down again before coming to rest at his hip. The corner of his mouth quirks as he tips his chin up, and Die smiles back at him, bright and sweet. Leaning forward, Kyo's teeth close down around Die's pouty lower lip, and he soothes away the string with a swipe of his tongue. They hover there, lips just barely touching. Kyo closes his eyes and Die tilts his head to the side, and kisses Kyo again.

It's oddly intimate like this, maybe _too_ intimate. They should slow it down or head home, instead... Kyo's pretty sure his roommates won't be back tonight, they could go there and do it properly. 

This isn't the right time for this. He _knows_ this. He and Die can't hide out in the smoking area behind the bar forever, eventually one of their friends will notice their absence and come looking for them.

He doesn't have much time to dwell on this thought as Die shifts closer, pinning Kyo against the wall with hips and hands and lips. Kyo's knee slips between Die's legs by accident and Die lets out another beautifully hitched gasp. Any other plans go right out the window; Kyo has a new goal now. He surges into the kiss, sliding his arms around Die's waist and dragging him closer. His hands slip down, tucking into the back pockets of Die's jeans, gripping him by the ass and jerking him forward.

It should be too much — too much closeness, too much heat outside in the humid, heavy summer air — but it’s good: A bit rough with just enough tongue and lips and grazing teeth. The movement of his forearms rucks up the hem of Die's shirt, his skin sticky and hot. Kyo can feel the heat of him, rolling off his body in waves and pooling between them. Tipping his head, Kyo licks deeper into Die's mouth. He can _feel_ the shivery moan caught in the back of Die's throat as he starts to rock his hips against Kyo's thigh.

Die sucks at the tip of Kyo's tongue with a little shiver as Kyo makes a low, pleased sound in the back of his throat. Each breath he exhales through his nose is a warm puff of air across Kyo's cheek, and Kyo feels a bead of sweat roll down his back between his shoulder blades. With a soft moan, one of Die's hands slides down to grip Kyo's nape while the other threads through Kyo's hair. He grinds his hardening cock down on Kyo's thigh with a shuddering gasp when Kyo mouths wetly across his cheek to suck his earlobe into his mouth.

" _Please_ ," Die whispers.

 _Fuck_ , that tone of voice, that hint of desperation... Maybe Kyo will do whatever Die goddamn wants from him. Every inch of his skin is alight with tingling pinpricks. "Yeah?" he whispers. "You want it?"

Die nods, the soft ends of his hair tickling as it brushes across Kyo's face. Kyo kisses Die's jaw and Die tips his head back even further, inviting him in. "Yes, it's — I can, I want— Kyo, _fuck_." His nails dig into Kyo's skin and he rocks his hips a little faster. "Please—"

Kyo smiles. "You gonna cum in your jeans for me?" he murmurs against Die's ear, tightening his grip on Die's ass. "Huh? Gonna cum just from my thigh between your legs?" Tipping his head back, Die starts to shake his head but he doesn't stop riding Kyo's thigh, either. _Interesting._

It's too hot for this, the air thick and close, too exposed out in this alley even in the shadows. Kyo leans forward to lick a stripe up the side of Die's throat, tasting the salt of his skin, feeling a bit light-headed and overheated. Die's fingers tighten and curl in Kyo's hair, and Kyo nips along the underside of Die's jaw. Die's breath hitches, a loud moan slipping past his lips. He lets go of Kyo's nape to clap a hand over his mouth.

 _Cute_. "You're so pretty when you cum," Kyo murmurs, releasing his grip on Die's ass to just feel the way his muscles flex and relax through the thin denim fabric of his jeans. "I wanna see." Kyo tips his head to the side with a soft hum. Die's eyes flash in the dark, catching the light. "Are you gonna cum for me?"

They shouldn't keep doing this here. Kyo knows they shouldn't; least of all from how Die might pass out from embarrassment if they got caught like this, but someone could call the cops. Thrilling as this is, Kyo isn't looking to get arrested any time soon.

It's so hard to remember that as Die's hand trembles, his grip tightening in Kyo's hair as he stares into Kyo's eyes, his hips jerking as he grinds against Kyo's thigh. He's so _cute_. Kyo tips his head, leaving a trail of kisses down the side of Die's throat, tucking a smile against his skin as he feels Die's jaw clench to keep a whimpering moan locked behind his teeth and his hand still clapped over his mouth.

In all the time they've been messing around like this, Die's never been all that good at staying quiet, and Kyo would never do anything to discourage him. Seeing Die struggle to restrain himself only riles Kyo up even more. His heartbeat thunders in his ears, everything else falling away.

Kyo squeezes Die's ass again, using his grip to guide Die's hips into smoothing circles. Die's breath hitches, shifting closer and rubbing his own thigh up between Kyo's legs, grazing his cock. "It's a good thing you're wearing dark clothes," he whispers. "How long do you think it'll take before everyone notices the cum stains?"

Die's hands scrabble across Kyo's upper arms before he hooks his elbows around Kyo's shoulders. He whines, bucking onto Kyo's thigh, his hands trembling until he clenches them in the back of Kyo's shirt. He's so hard and hot and sexy and Kyo's _so overwhelmed_ he doesn't know what to do with himself. He tugs one of his hands from Die's pocket to slip under the waistband of his jeans instead, gripping his bare ass.

"You're so loud," Kyo laughs, thumb rubbing over Die's hole through his underwear. Die's hips jerk, ducking his head to rest on Kyo's shoulder, struggling to catch his breath. Kyo does it again, smiling as Die twitches in his arms. _Cute_. "D'you want everyone to know what we're doing that much?"

"Fuck," Die whimpers, tipping forward and kissing Kyo again, muffling his moans into Kyo's mouth. "Shut up."

Kyo pulls back from the kiss to laugh again, sliding his other hand back up Die's spine to curl a strand of his hair around a fingertip. "Make me."

With a degree of visible difficulty, Die draws away from Kyo, backing up a full step. His eyes glint. "Maybe I will," he says.

Before Kyo can open his mouth to say a word, Die drops to his knees. Kyo's jaw drops as Die shifts closer, leaning in to nuzzle his face against Kyo's cock through his jeans. Holy _shit_. His heart leaps into his throat. Making out and grinding on each other is one thing, but this is... They shouldn't be doing this — Die must be even drunker than he thought, _fuck_ , he needs to stop this _now_ —

Before he can do anything, the back door of the club opens. Die stumbles back and falls on his ass, startled like a deer caught in headlights. After a moment, he starts to laugh, bright and echoing in the alley, scooping up the pack of cigarettes from the ground. He takes the one Kyo tucked behind his ear and holds the pack out. Kyo's still trying to quit, but... he takes one anyway.

Some guy — thankfully not the creep — walks out into the alley with them, standing further away. Die gets to his feet and slumps against the wall next to Kyo, turning towards the man and nodding to him. "Hey," he says. "Need a light?"

Kyo tunes them out as they chat idly. Die's hair is mussed, lips kiss-swollen. In the flickering neon lights, Kyo can make out a faint pink mark beginning to darken on the side of Die's throat that he can't seem to tear his eyes away from, drawn back again and again between drags off the cigarette.

After the stranger bids them a good night and heads back inside, Kyo reaches out to fix Die's hair. "I think I gave you another hickey again," he says, hand dropping to thumb absently over the bruise. "Sorry."

Die smiles, biting his lip. "That's okay," he says. "I like them."

On their way back inside to their friends, Die grabs onto Kyo's arm stopping him. "You..." Die ducks his head, and even in the dingy bar lights Kyo can make out a pink flush flaring across his cheeks. "Would you have really made me cum in my jeans like that?"

Kyo looks over at Die, enjoying the way Die squirms the longer he doesn't respond with a fond sort of amusement he doesn't have a name for yet. "No," he admits finally. Die brightens considerably, peering down at Kyo through his hair. "Not unless we were alone, and you had a change of clothes nearby." Die mutters his thanks and Kyo smiles. "Want to come over tonight, after we're done here?"

"Yeah," Die says, his hand tightening around Kyo's forearm. "Yeah, I'd like that a lot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand now i'm going to bed, i hope you liked it byeee


End file.
